


Cinnamon Lips and Over-sized Sweaters

by Geny614



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Coming of Age, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Romance, Second-Hand Embarrassment, enjoy, its 6am lol, johnyong lowkey, lots of weird monologues, smut (if you can call it that), these kids are a mess, yuta is the king of cheesy pick up lines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-08-14 10:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8010013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geny614/pseuds/Geny614
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This sort of thing doesn't matter to you does it?"</p><p>"Does it have to matter?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>His lips tasted like cinnamon but hotter. Fire whiskey. Taeyong felt himself become intoxicated by Yuta's hot fiery lips. It was like something inside of him was being kindled to life. Something he didn't even know existed. Yes, it matters. It mattered because Taeyong had never been kissed like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fire Whiskey

**Author's Note:**

> Taeyong used to have a peaceful life at college. Until Yuta, the captain of the soccer team sets his eyes on him. Prepare for failed wooing and smut (maybe but it won't be good so don't get your hopes up). Sorry for mistakes.

      Taeyong took a sip of his beer. Tepid and bitter. He didn't know why other people liked to drink this foul shit. Yet the fraternity boys had already finished one of their kegs. Frat parties were pretty next level in Taeyong's opinion. In the three years he'd been attending the college he'd only had gone to maybe a handful of parties. This was his first frat party. He was both underwhelmed by the scene and impressed by the alcohol consumption.

      Doyoung and Ten had finally managed to drag his ass out of their shared apartment on a Friday night. After they made him dress in something that wasn't one his black oversized hoodies and sweats. Who really gave a shit about how they looked after three years of college? Not Taeyong yet they had made him squeeze into his tight red leather pants. A black Guns and Roses T-shirt. Ten had helped clasped on one of his chokers around his slim fair neck. Doyoung had done his eyeliner. His bright round eyes now looked smoky and almost alluring. He had let them have their fun dressing him up. Though he had to admit he had looked pretty fucking bad ass. Then he was pretty disappointed when he realized where they were going. But there he was leaning against a wall he nursed a red solo cup for about an hour. He had no plans of getting wasted. Someone had to make sure his friends got home safe that night. He didn't mind being designated mom friend. He pretty used to of the role.

      He wasn't the one that friends went to when they wanted to do jello shots. He was the one they went to when they wanted a snack while they studied. Or needed advice in school, life and everything in between. He liked that his friends could rely on him. What he didn't like was this party. First of all, it was messy. Cups littered the ground and there were unrecognizable stains on the floor and couch. Yeah no, he had to fight the urge to walk out of the fraternity house and all the way back home to bathe in hand sanitizer.

    Besides the disgusting mess, there were too many people. Too many people on the poor excuse for a dancefloor clustered together in sweat and hormones. Then there was the music. Don't get him wrong Taeyong loved the music he was a double major in Music and Dance. But the bass cracked so heavily through the broken speakers he couldn't decipher if it was actually music or just the speakers crapping out again. Then there were the people beside him swapping spit. That was the awful cherry on top of this horrible party.

     Taeyong took another sip of his lukewarm beer. What he would do for a screwdriver. Vodka with some pineapple and cranberry juice. Honestly, he didn't care what people thought about fruity sweet drinks. At least it didn't taste like drinking liquid bitterness and sadness. His face scrunched up as he gulped down the last of his cup. He licked the foam from his upper lip with a grimace.

     "Looks like you could use a new drink."

     Taeyong's eyes lifted from his empty cup and met the infamous smile that belonged the one and only Nakamoto Yuta. Captin of the school's soccer team and so much more.

     Yuta conveniently had another cup filled with something that was surely alcohol with him along with his own cup. He held it out to Taeyong with that smile of his. Taeyong stared at him with those eyes of his. The ones that loved to glare down at every human that tried to look his way. Even when he hadn't meant to glare at them. Surely with the eyeliner his glare was only darker and meaner. But Yuta hadn't wavered away from his gaze. He only held onto his smile and took the empty cup from Taeyong's hand.

    "Here, I think you might like this more." He says and Taeyong's gaze harden with suspicion. Who was this guy giving him some drink that he hadn't asked for? Did this guy think Taeyong was dumb enough to accept a drink like this? Taeyong rolled his eyes and sneered at the soccer captain. Yuta caught the look and shook his head quick to try and clear the shadiness away.

     "I didn't do anything to it, here" he took a swig from the cup he had held out to Taeyong . Then he made a show of swallowing the liquid down. He smiled again. Taeyong didn't budge away from the wall.

     "If I tell you it's not beer will you try it?" he asked and Taeyong' eyes shift from Yuta to the drink. How did he know that Taeyong was not a fan of beer? Why was he even here? Yuta could have walked to any other person and surely they would have been all over the captain. But Taeyong's thin rosy pink lips twisted into a scowl as he stared him down.

     "Why do you want me to drink it so badly?" he asked.

     "Because you don't look like you're having much fun. I want to change that." Yuta grinned at him. It reached his eyes so easily like he meant it. As if he really wanted Taeyong to have a good time. But not just tonight his eyes said to him that the boy wished for it to carry beyond the party. They seemed so sincere just like that smile of his. Because he did mean it. Taeyong still held his suspicion over the drink and captain's intentions.

     Taeyong knew things about Yuta. He wasn't a horrible person like some of the other sports players. The ones who made fun of boys like Taeyong. Yuta actually was kind to pretty much everyone. He always had a smile on. The pretty smile that deserved to be on billboards for toothpaste. Yuta knew how to make everyone laugh and he was clever and quick-witted. He was the one who carried a class discussion with ease. Not only was he smart but open minded to everything he learned. He wasn't afraid to voice his opinions either. But Yuta had his own reputation that made other player's rep pale in comparison.

     "A drink isn't going to change anything." Taeyong scoffed. His eyes turned away from Yuta. He prayed the boy would walk away and find someone else to end up in his bedroom upstairs.

     "You're right. It might not change anything. But I'd like to try anyway." his voice was like velvet. It was all Taeyong coul hear over the ugly bass.

      Taeyong wanted to laugh because the other had tried to be so smooth. But he saw right through him. He knew what Yuta wanted. But he hadn't told him to go away. He hadn't moved to find Ten or Doyoung. He stood there with a crooked grin.

      "I think I'm doing pretty good on my own," he said with a new air of confidence. His tone had been borderline playful. If anyone had asked he'd blame the alcohol.

       Yuta chuckled. His smile was so radiant in the dimmed lighting of the room. But Taeyong hadn't noticed that all. Nope, he had been busy. He tried to spot one of his friends in the crowd. Just in case.

      "Are you? You've been standing here for like an hour. You know you're at a party right?" he asked and he took a step forward. Taeyong wanted to take one back but he had been leaning against the wall. There was nowhere to back into. He couldn't help the short wide-eyed stare sent Yuta's way. He was still wasn't sure that this was actually happening to him.

      "How would you know that?" Taeyong asked. Yuta took another step. He was so much closer now. Taeyong can see just how pink his smiling lips are. He tore his gaze away from the boy's mouth and tried to reach his eyes.

      "Maybe I've been watching you for a little awhile. I've never saw you at one of the parties here." Yuta said so casually that Taeyong's face contorted into an expression of mild horror.

      "What? Why would you- How do you know if I've never been to one of these parties?" he asked. Yuta chuckled because Taeyong's voice had stumbled so nervously. Though he tried to harden his expression again it had been too late.

      "I've been going to these parties since I was a freshman pledge. It's not hard to notice a new face." He explained but Taeyong had not been convinced. How could someone like Yuta have noticed him in this room of probably fifty other people? Yuta the captain of the school's soccer team. Yuta with his scandalous reputation. Yuta the boy who could charm a devil. Yuta who was making Taeyong melt with every smile.

      "You're sort of a creep."

       Yuta threw his head back and laughed. He looked back down at Taeyong. He was barely an inch or two taller than him. But when he pressed his hand beside Taeyong's head on the wall. He felt a whole lot taller. Taeyong swallowed thickly and again tried to school his face into not giving away anything.

      "Yeah, maybe but can you blame me? You're real cute Taeyong." His name rolled off Yuta's tongue like honey. It sounded so good that Taeyong almost didn't react to the fact that Yuta knew his name.

     "How do you know my name?"

     "That's a secret."

      "I'm going to call the cops." Taeyong reached for his phone in his pocket. But Yuta saw and caught his wrist in a gentle grasp. He smiled at him again before letting go. Taeyong frowned at him.

     "Okay! Okay!" he laughed again and his nose was dangerously close to Taeyong's. He could feel Yuta's soft breath tickle his lips when he spoke. His laughter though that rang over the music so loudly. Clear as a bell.

     "Your friend told me when I asked him."

     "Which one? He'll pay dearly for this."

      "I think his name is Ten? Oh, really how bad?" Yuta asked and his tone was so amused. His gaze hadn't broken from Taeyong and he feels compelled to hold it too. He fought not to melt under it though because he could feel it. The way his limbs relaxed against the wall.

      "I won't be feeding him for a week. That'll teach him." Taeyong's voice dropped to a whisper because there are only breaths separating their lips.

     "Wow, that's pretty harsh. You cook?" Yuta asked and his body pressed so tight and hot against Taeyong's. Their hips kissed first. Taeyong bit his lower lip and held back a soft gasp.

     "Yes, I do. What are you doing Yuta?" he asked his voice comes out breathy because he swore it had been stolen from him. Yuta's lips are curved into a sharp smirk. His dark lashes hide his eyes as he looked down at Taeyong.

     "I just want you to have a good time. I want to have a good time with you." He whispered. Their lips brushed against each other. The touch had been feather soft. A part of Taeyong whined and ached for their lips to meet at last.

     "I don't do this sort of thing," Taeyong whispered back but he hadn't moved away. Not once did he move away. His hands slowly grasped Yuta's shirt. His fingers tighten against the cotton fabric into a fist. Yuta chuckled though because he knew it. He saw it in Taeyong's eyes. He stared at the boy against the wall with a smile.

    "Tell me to go away and I will," Yuta said and though he had smiled he had been serious. He wasn't going to force Taeyong to do anything he didn't want to. He had even discarded the drink. Taeyong hesitated for a moment.

    "These sort of things don't mean anything to you, do they?" he asked. Yuta's smile fell for a second. He didn't move away, though. His other hand was on Taeyong's hip and his thumb rubbed circles over the red leather of his tight jeans.

    "Does it have it mean something?" Yuta asked. Taeyong wasn't sure if he should have taken him seriously or not. This was Yuta and surely he was not the first person of the night to be this physically close to him. But before he could dwell any longer he said;

    "No."

    Yuta's arm wrapped around Taeyong's thin waist and pulled him in and they kissed. A spark had ignited in between their lips. It took everything in Taeyong not to gasp out loud at the shock of it. He had kissed other people before. But he had never engulfed in flames over another pair of lips.

    Fire whiskey. Yuta tasted like cinnamon but hotter and far more intoxicating.

    His mind was screaming. ' _Yes. Yes, it matters_.' Because how was he going to get over this feeling tomorrow? When the ignition of alcohol and hormones are no longer there to blame. His lips would still tingle and ache for that burn. But it was too late because Taeyong was on fire. It didn't matter at the moment. All he wanted was more of Yuta.

 

**Ch.1 END**


	2. Burn, Burn, Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta is a thirsting flame. Taeyong is on fire. It means nothing but they're going out for pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the failed attempt at some smut. Also for mistakes. I've written this chapter like 4 times. This is the most I've rewritten something in my entire life. I hope you like it. Please leave comments~ <3

_More._

     That was the first thing Taeyong thought when their lips parted away. It felt like a fire extinguisher was blasted over them. All the heat that had engulfed him all at once now gone. Cold. Taeyong felt cold when Yuta's lips no longer touched his own. Yuta was the first one to pull away. He had smiled. Taeyong's dazed eyes only saw his smile. Beyond that, everything was blurred. The dimmed lighting didn't help. Only his smile shined.

    "Are you having fun yet?" Yuta chuckled. His breath was caught up in his chest. As if he too couldn't take enough air in between each breath.

_He feels it too._

    Taeyong wanted to roll his eyes and laugh. Yuta kissed like the devil himself. Yet he was just as lame as any other boy. Somehow that made Taeyong want to kiss him again.

_And again and again and again._

   "Well are you?" he asked. He wanted an answer. Taeyong's eyes wandered away from Yuta. He smiled to himself. Yuta tilted his head back and laughed. It was such a sweet carefree laugh. Taeyong liked it. Then he felt the leather of his choker tighten around his neck. Taeyong's eyes widen. He gasped. But the breath was caught in his throat. Every inch of him felt a rush of heat run through his veins. Yuta tugged him by his choker closer with his two fingers. Their lips met again for another kiss.

     It was like he was set ablaze all over again with just one kiss. Yuta was a like a forest fire. Taeyong was caught up in it.

     Taeyong felt himself be burned from the inside out. He felt his stomach kindled into flames. Flames that he could not control. Smoke from the flames reached high up. Then they pooled in his lungs. His polluted lungs ached for a breath of fresh air. But he kissed Yuta harder instead. Then he felt the flames reach all the way to his fingers tips, toes, and the ends of his hairs. The kiss broke. He took in a violent gulp of air. Yuta crushed Taeyong against the wall. His breath was torn away from his chest. Replaced with a new flame. Another kiss. How long would his mouth taste like sparks and cinders he wondered?

     Yuta's lips still tasted like cinnamon. The fire whiskey was like an ignition fuel. The ignition he needed to hold onto Yuta tighter and closer. Kiss him harder and longer. Until the kiss broke again. Their chests flushed against each other. In sync with each heave that came in and out. Each of their flames quenched but only for merciful moments.

     Their lips were bruised red from hungry kisses. Their eyes locked in a heated stare. Their gazes seemed to hold on forever. At least that was how Taeyong felt. Suddenly in the midst of catching their breaths, Yuta took hold of his hand.

     Taeyong knew what that meant. The knots in his stomach were taut with anxiousness. Was he really going to go through with this? The question hung over his head. He hesitated as he stood against the wall. His eyes wavered as they tried to keep hold of Yuta's gaze. Did he really want this?

    "You don't have to do this." He whispered over Taeyong's lips.

     Taeyong wasn't a virgin. But why was he so nervous? Maybe it was because before tonight things like this use to matter to him. But did they always have to? Did they always have to matter? Did he have to remember this feeling tomorrow?

     Yuta said it didn't have to matter. He hoped that Yuta was right.

     "I want to."

     That was all that matter. He would deal with the rest tomorrow. Right now all that mattered was that he wanted it.

     Yuta had smiled. Taeyong felt the smile on his lips. It lingered like a sweet blister on his flesh. It hurt. It felt nice too.

     Yuta held Taeyong's hand. Could he feel just how sweaty his palm was?Taeyong hoped he couldn't feel it. Yuta's hand felt nice on his own. A little bit bigger but smooth. Warm. Everything about him was so warm. Yuta guided him away from the wall and through the dancefloor. Every step that he took Taeyong could hear his heart make threats at him. It could fall right out of his chest any second it said. But he continued to walk with Yuta.

     It didn't matter when he felt the sting of leering eyes on him. While Yuta led him away from the wall and to the stairs. The eyes followed them up the stairs. Until they were finally out of reach in the dark hallway of the second floor. Yuta took him to the room at the end of the hall. Those stares lingered on Taeyong's back. They had known what was going to happen. Taeyong though didn't care. Because when Yuta opened his door and pushed him against it all that mattered was Yuta's lips on his.

     Taeyong's body was pressed hard against the wooden door. His back nearly missed the knob when Yuta had pushed him. "Sorry," Yuta's rushed whisper barely registered in Taeyong's head. Taeyong didn't care. He wanted to taste Yuta's mouth. He wanted to feel Yuta's hands on his body.

     Yuta's tongue was in his mouth. It claimed and conquered every inched it licked, sucked and tasted. It was all his in those seconds. Sparks came to life in between their mouths. Kisses dragged on for eternities. They were fueled by their inner flames.

_How could I be made of nothing but fire when our lips touch? It's like the entire world is melting because we're on fire._

    "Fuck," Yuta groaned into Taeyong's mouth. It was so fucking primal. It set Taeyong off like a firecracker. His hands grasped at Yuta's shoulder and held him closer. He wanted to feel him. Feel the way his chest vibrated with every groan that fell from his plush cinnamon flavored lips.

    "Taeyong," he growled. He nipped at Taeyong's lower lip hard. He wanted to feel him too. He wanted to hear every small whine and whimper that came out of Taeyong's mouth. Especially when he began to squeeze hot flesh. Taeyong's lips trembled ever so slightly as he moaned. His auburn colored orbs became nothing but two pools of deep animal-like lust.

     "Yuta," Taeyong whispered his name. Then he felt Yuta dived into the nape of the neck. Teeth dug into the skin and his tongue licked stripes over it. His lips kissed over every red bruise that bloomed over his skin. Flowers. That's what they looked like on Taeyong's skin. This made Yuta smile against his skin. His tongue ran over his collar bones. He nipped at the dip of the delicate bones. Taeyong gasped out loud, his hands clawed at Yuta's back. His knees began to wobble while he mind drifted to the farthest parts of himself. All that was left was desire.

     Yuta's arms were wrapped so tightly around Taeyong's slender waist that he didn't have to worry about falling over. Yuta took one step back. Then another and another. With each step, he took Taeyong along with him. Each step brought them closer to the bed. Taeyong's heart banged loudly against his chest. It was all he could hear besides Yuta's breath.

     Then Yuta had turned them so Taeyong's back was facing the bed. He had yelped at the sudden movement. Then he was been pushed down on the bed. It had been a gentle push. But all the same, he had been surprised.

_This is really happening._

     Taeyong stared up at Yuta. In the darkness of the room, Yuta could still make out the sweet coffee brown of Taeyong's eyes.

    "Are you still having fun?" Yuta laughed softly into the crook of Taeyong's neck. Right before he bit at the exposed flesh. There are small faint marks trailed over Taeyong's collar bones. Yuta's hands are under his shirt. His fingers ghost over Taeyong's flat stomach. Taeyong squirmed under him. His skin hot with the feather-like touch and his words.

    "y-Yuta!" he hissed when he felt Yuta's fingers brush over one of his nipples. He had barely touched him but his nipple hardens in anticipation. The touch had been like a fire. His stomach coiled tightly with the heat that pooled in it.

     "You're so cute," he chuckled. His thumb ran over the pearled bud again. Taeyong wriggled under Yuta. He didn't want to sound so whiny and needy. He couldn't help it. Yuta's touch left trails of fire across his skin. He wanted it. So shouldn't he just enjoy it?

      Taeyong arched his back into the touch. He wanted to feel it. He wanted Yuta to touch him some more. Yuta didn't miss the signal. He began to toy with the small nub between his thumb and index finger. He rubbed it softly. Then he gave it a small pinch. Each time it made Taeyong moan so quietly.

     "Ah," he breathed out when Yuta gave him another pinch to his nipple. At one point his shirt had been pulled over his head. Yuta had thrown it to the side. He laid there under Yuta with his upper half bare. His chest heaved up and down. This was really happening. The thought swam back and forth in his head. His eyes caught Yuta's gaze right before he lowered his lips to Taeyong's chest.

     Yuta's mouth lowered down until his lips met Taeyong's warm skin. He gave it a small kiss. Then his tongue began to lap at the vulnerable flesh. It was so sweet. He wanted to taste more of the pretty boy under him. His tongue swirled around Taeyong's nipple experimentally. It made Taeyong moan out loud. Taeyong could feel his cock rise and rub against his tight red leather pants. He was getting so fucking turned on.

     "Please Yuta," he whined loudly when his nipples were abandon. Yuta placed steamy kisses down Taeyong's stomach. His lips brushed over Taeyong's small hips. He loved how small and slender Taeyong's body was. It seemed so delicate but it obvious that it held deep desire just like his own. His teeth sunk into the flesh and he bit down hard. He wanted to mark every part of the beautiful boy.

     It was like an electrical jolt shot through his veins. His skin puckered with goosebumps when he felt Yuta's mouth near his v-line. He licked a stripe down it and lips ran over the waistband of his leather pants. Taeyong's hips twitched in undeniable need.

     "What is it that you want Taeyong?" Yuta asked. His finger played with the zipper on purpose. He knew he was being a tease. He didn't care because he was having too much fun watching Taeyong writhe under his expert touch.

      Taeyong's neck crane to the side and his lips parted to say something but only a soft whine came. He wanted it. He wanted it so bad.

     "Yuta don't..." he began and his breath felt short when Yuta finally pulled the zipper down. His cock pushed free of its constraints. The soccer captain eyed it eagerly but then his gaze fell on Taeyong. His dark fringe had begun to stick to his forehead. His rosy lips were parted in a small 'o' shape. His tongue ran over his lower lip. His eyes were darker and infinite pools of lust. Yuta was ready to dive in.

     Yuta's hand pulled down at the tight leather pants. They were not easy to get off. They were made to hug Taeyong's lithe lower half. They didn't want to let go. But Yuta wanted to see the rest of him. Taeyong knew it by the way he looked at him. His fiery dark eyes drank in every inch of skin they saw.

     "You look real sexy in these but I bet you look even better with them off," Yuta cooed. He pulled the leather pants off and tossed them to the side. His eyes are met with legs that go on for miles. They were so smooth and fair. But obviously legs of a dancer. The toned muscles told him so. Taeyong wanted to curl in on himself. He couldn't remember the last time someone besides one of his roommates saw him naked.

      _Vulnerable. Exposed._ _God_ , he sounded like he never had sex with another person before. It hadn't even been years. But it had been long enough for Taeyong. Yet it didn't feel wrong either. Because when Yuta looked at him. He felt so much more than a naked boy in over his head. He felt wanted. He felt needed. He felt beautiful.

 _This doesn't matter_. He reminded himself.

     "You're beautiful," Yuta whispered. Taeyong's eye turned away because he could hold onto Yuta's piercing gaze any longer.

_Does he always call the people he does this beautiful? It probably isn't as special as it feels. It doesn't matter._

    "Tell me what you want me to do Taeyong."

* * *

 

  
     It was like someone had grabbed Taeyong and shook him with purpose. He has torn away from his dreams and chucked back into the real world. His breath hitched in violently and his eyes darted from one end of the room and to the next.

     This isn't my room.

     It was the first thing that Taeyong realized. His eyes wandered slowly as he tried to remember where he was. Last night came to him in flashes. But everything either began or ended with the same thing. Yuta.

     Taeyong tried to sit up. The sheets slipped from his torso and revealed his naked body. He shivered as cool air blew in through the room from an open window. He looked to the other side of the bed. It was empty. He wasn't all that surprised. Though his chest still felt the after burn of it all. He looked down at his chest. It was covered in marks. Some darker and harsher than others. Others were faint against his creamy skin. Yuta had done that. Taeyong's skin burned fiercely.

      He heard the vibration in the background. It was muffled but it wouldn't stop. He groaned as he moved his body to get out of the bed. His lower back ached with a vengeance. But it had been worth it. Taeyong knew it. He hadn't cum like that in a very long time. Just thinking about it made his skin turn hot and red. He got up from the bed quicker than he should had. His shirt was at one end of the room while his pants were in another. He waddled towards his pants first. The vibrating became louder as he got closer.

     Taeyong fished his phone out from his pocket. Someone was calling him and he didn't even bother checking who it was before he answered it.

    "What?" There could only one of two people calling him at this hour. He didn't have to check caller ID.

    "Hey slut how was banging Nakamoto? Awful? Please tell me it was awful."

    "Doyoung seriously its too early for your bitter ass."

    "Oh someone is snippy just cause he got some last night. I mean sure it was Nakamoto so it's not like it's a big a deal. But you finally fucked someone so cheers for you whore."

    "Are you proud of me or trying to shame me? Pick one asshole." Taeyong hopped around as he tried to pull his leather pants back on. This was the last time he let his friends convince him into wearing them.

_Even if Yuta thinks I look sexy in them- Wait. What?_

     "Yes. Anyway, Ten is puking his guts into your potted plants so gotta go. Tell me every awful detail later kay bye! Oh! Make sure he buys you breakfast cause-"

     "Bye Doyoung." Taeyong ended the call. It was only 11:30 am and Taeyong had had his fill of best friend bullshit for the morning. He knew he had to deal with them both later when he got home. That could wait, though. Besides if Ten was really puking into his plants well Taeyong had to plan his murder and funeral.

     Taeyong finished fastening the button on his pants. He turned to go get his shirt when he heard the door knob turn. His body froze and his eyes looked towards the door.

      "Oh, you're up!" Yuta opened the door. He stood there with a towel hung over his shoulders. His upper torso bare. Though beads of water slipped down his toned stomach. He only wore a pair of baggy sweats. He had just been in the shower.

     "Don't you want to take a shower? I got one to myself so you can use it." he pointed out the door before he took several steps in. Each one closer to Taeyong.

      Taeyong still hadn't moved. Yuta noticed this because he smiled. That smile of his that made Taeyong's insides ache to be on fire again.

_Last night meant nothing. He's just being polite._

    "Or we could get some breakfast? I'd make you something but I'd actually like to see you again. So let's get out of here I know this great place like five minutes outside of campus. Their pancakes are so good-"

    "Last night." Taeyong interrupted Yuta's babbling. His words cut through the nonsense and his eyes tried to stay harden. He didn't want to give anything away.

    "Last night?" Yuta repeated. Though his tone held its edge to it.

    "Was fun?" Taeyong's voice caved in like the rest of him Because it wasn't supposed to mean anything. He couldn't let it mean anything.

    "Yeah it was." Yuta's smile returned. He meant it.

    "Taeyong. I know that last night was new for you. I know I told you it didn't need to matter. But doesn't mean we can't be friends right?" Yuta asked. He took another step closer to Taeyong. Taeyong wanted to move away but he was rooted to his spot. Yuta's hands took hold of his hips.

     "Last night was really fun. Don't you want to have fun like that again?" Yuta leaned in so close. Close enough that everything beyond his smile blurred. Again. Taeyong's lower lip trembled as he tried to say something. Anything.

_No. Because then it'll mean something._

    "Yes," he whispered. He hadn't missed the twinkle in Yuta's deep brown eyes when he said it. He was happy. That made the kindle in his stomach light up.

    "So let's go out for pancakes. I can show you all sorts of ways to have fun."

     Yuta kissed him and everything was set on fire all over again.

**Ch.2 End**


	3. After Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuta had too much fun last night. One night isn't enough for him. Taeyong wants a stack of pancakes equal to his height.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part is a flashback to last night at the party in Yuta's POV. I will often add Yuta's POV so look out of for that. Sorry if there are mistakes its 3am and I should be asleep. Thank you for the comments and kudos~!   
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

  
_     "What do you want me to do?" Yuta placed his hands on Taeyong's knee caps. He slowly began to spread Taeyong's legs apart. He watched the way Taeyong's eyes had fluttered closed. The way he bit down on his lower lip in anticipation of whatever Yuta was going to do next. Yuta caught the way Taeyong's breaths came out uneven. He was nervous and excited. His hard cock was proof of that.  _ _   
_ _    "Suck me off," His voice was soft but it held it's own edge od confidence that Yuta had not expected. Yuta's mouth curved into a wide grin. Taeyong was so strange to him. He was coy and shy but at the same time flirty and confident. He was a paradox that he really had not expected to meet tonight. Everything about him made him more curious. Since the moment he spotted him within the sea of college students down stairs. He stood out. A pretty little wallflower that looked to have been waiting to be plucked. _ _   
_ _     Yuta lowered his mouth so his lips brushed over the warm skin of Taeyong's inner thigh. It was smooth to touch and so hot under his touch. The delicate flesh taunted him. He wanted to mark the vulnerable skin and make it his for the night. He didn't know what it was about Taeyong that brought out a primal predatory side of him. He growled lowly in between Taeyong's legs. He savored the way Taeyong's body trembled in his grasp. _ _   
_ _      Maybe it was how erotic Taeyong looked as he slowly became undone. His cheeks were flushed a wonderful hue of red. His pretty lips were bruised pink. Every single time he made a noise they quivered. Then his big beautiful coffee brown eyes flickered open. They were two dark oceans of unrestrained lust. That was what Yuta liked about Taeyong. He didn't hold back. Taeyong didn't hide the way his body felt each time Yuta touched him. It wasn't a game. They just let themselves feel it.  _ _   
_ _     It was organic. The way their touch met. The fire that kindled within them with a spark induced touch. It was cosmic when they eyes met. The crackle of electric energy between their gaze set it off. It was explosive when their lips met. Fire engulfed them both. The fire swallowed them whole in flames. How could anyone hide that? Why would anyone want to hide that? _ _   
_ _     Yuta's lips brushed over the sensitive skin. He laid kisses here and there. Taeyong's small hips rocked forward in desperate need. He knew what he wanted. Yet Yuta wanted to taste so much more. Taeyong tasted   of subtle sweetness. He bit into the plush flesh. His teeth sank deep, his tongue ran over the raw skin. He sucked on the skin until a new mark bloomed. It the prettiest mark among them all. It said 'tonight you're mine' and Yuta loved it. _ _   
_ _      "Yuta. Damn it. I said suck me off not tease me to death." Taeyong whined and pushed his hips upward again. Yuta chuckled softly over the mark. He really liked how cute Taeyong could be too. He began to think that there were many things to like about Lee Taeyong. _ _   
_ _      "You're so whiny it's adorable." he crooned. Taeyong scoffed very loudly and Yuta laughed again. Finally, he moved in close to Taeyong's cock. He flicked his tongue out and gave the head an experimental lick. He just wanted to watch Taeyong's reaction. He wanted to relish in the way the pretty boy body's begged for more. He loved the way Taeyong's chest rose up when he took a sharp breath. The small mewl that came out of his mouth was priceless too. The way he tasted though was the hot spark that made his mouth curve into a dangerous smirk. His eyes locked into Taeyong's dazed gaze and he took Taeyong's cock in his mouth. _ _   
_ _     Yuta was prepared to have a lot of fun with Taeyong. _ __   
  


* * *

  
  
    Taeyong's body was consumed in an inferno with this kiss. Because it wasn't like last night. Last night he could have blamed the alcohol. He could have blamed his own sexual drive that seemed long forgotten before he met Yuta. He could have blamed a million other things but now he couldn't. There was no party. There was no alcohol. Even the light that came from the window was too bright to hide from.    
    The flames were real. Real in how they felt with just a kiss. It only took a kiss and Taeyong was fire all over again. He let himself be lit up by Yuta. The kiss broke in a risky gasp of air. Yuta's hands were still on Taeyong's hips. He squeezed the bones tight and pulled Taeyong closer. Another kiss surely but Taeyong had questions.    
_ Friends just don't kiss like this and move on. What are we really? If we are anything at all. _   
    "When you say, friends, what exactly do you mean?" Taeyong's voice wavered as he tried to even his breath.    
    Yuta's face didn't lean in any closer but his lips were close enough Taeyong could feel his breath tickle his own lips. The pregnant silence that hovered between them suffocated Taeyong. His chest was tight with embarrassment and regret.    
     I should have kept my mouth shut-   
     "Do you know what 'friends with benefits' are?" Yuta asked softly. He still held Taeyong. His lips brushed over Taeyong as he spoke. Taeyong gulped a little loudly because of course, he knew what that meant.   
      "Y-Yeah I know. Is that what you want us to be?" Taeyong asked. He hated the way his voice trembled just the tiniest bit. He couldn't help how the words had stumbled over his lips. He was busy. He had to wrap his mind around this.   
_ He wants to be friends with benefits? _ _   
_         Taeyong's big coffee colored eyes stared at Yuta confused. He couldn't understand why Yuta would say something like that to him.   
        "Taeyong," Yuta began "Last night I had a lot of fun. I really want to have fun with you again. So I thought maybe if we FWBs then we both could have fun again. And again and again." Yuta's smile was pressed to Taeyong's lips. Taeyong pulled away for a moment. His lips wailed in protest they wanted to taste Yuta's cinnamon flavored lips. But at the moment he could only taste ash and last night's beer.   
      "If you just want to be friends I get that. I thought maybe we could be a little more." Yuta spoke gently. As if he was confronted by a frightened woodland animal. They way Taeyong stared at him like deer caught in headlights made not far fetched. Yuta took a step back. His hands had lingered on Taeyong's hips for as long as they could before they fell back to his side.    
        The absence of warmth was the first thing that snapped Taeyong back to reality. He was cold. He was dirty. He didn't want to wear last night's clothes. His leather pants made his body ache and chafe.   
         "Can I take a shower?" Taeyong's voice was so meek he barely recognized it as his own. His words tripped over themselves in his head. He tried to wade through them but he needed space. He needed to be away from Yuta for a moment to think.   
          "Sure, let me give you something to wear and a towel." Taeyong chose to ignore the way Yuta's voice flattered and he didn't smile at him. His mind was busy. He no longer felt the heat, flames or kindles of speakers. But a cold and icy hand take hold of him. It plunged him into the deepest, darkest and coldest depths of the ocean in his mind. He had been drowned.   
  
  
    Taeyong was in the shower.   
    The kiss had broken about twenty minutes ago. It felt like ages ago though to Taeyong. He had tasted cinnamon, cinders, and remnants of last night's beer. That was when he knew he had to get cleaned up. He stood under the spray of the shower for long minutes lost in only his thoughts. Questions. So many questions tugged at him as he tried to lather his body up with a bar of soap. He wondered about how he ended up there. At what point in his life did it lead him there? In Nakamoto Yuta's bathroom under his shower head. Of course, it was because the choices he made last night. But shouldn't  it have ended last night?   
    Yuta wanted to be friends. The idea had seemed innocent enough but it made Taeyong's stomach twist into nervous knots. Yuta didn't want to be just friends. He wanted to be 'friends with benefits' and Taeyong still hadn't answered him. Before he had excused himself to shower Yuta had asked him if he wanted that too. Taeyong couldn't even form the words in his head. What did he want?   
    After a night like last night, how do two people become just friends? Or would they be just a little more than friends? But never more than that.   
   Thoughts came to Taeyong. It was the only thing that made sense of everything. Yuta obviously didn't want to be just friends. Not by the way he had kissed him just twenty minutes ago. Friends don't kiss like that. Yet he didn't want to more than that. Yuta wanted to be 'friends with benefits' with Taeyong. It began to dawn on him just as the soap bar slipped between his fingers. That had brought him out his lake of thoughts and questions.    
      _I_ __t_ is the only thing that made sense. _ _   
_     Taeyong couldn't imagine how he would pretend that last night hadn't happened. How he didn't feel an intense attraction towards Yuta. It was like there was a trail of dynamite powder between them. When they were together it was inevitable that it'd all just go up in flames. Beautiful, hot, big flames. Yuta didn't seem like he wanted to hide it either. He had lured Taeyong into another explosive kiss minutes ago. It wasn't something they could just hide. It was obvious when their eyes locked together. Sparks flew in the air with just their gazes. They didn't need to hide it because it didn't matter. They could just enjoy it. They could get lost in the flames together like last night.   
   Friends and Benefits meant that last night did not have to end with last night. There could be more nights like that. All those future nights didn't need to matter either. It just made sense to Taeyong that if he wanted it he could have it. There was no reason he couldn't let himself have it. And he wanted it.   
   Memories of last night came back like hot flashes. Taeyong looked down at his skin. Beads of water ran over the red marks. They were hinted with shades of purple on certain spots. Places where Yuta had bit down harder. But he had kissed each of them again and again. Yuta had wanted to devour him last night. Taeyong remembered the way Yuta had looked at him. He had held a  predatory hunger within his gaze that pierced him. He had never felt so vulnerable before that moment.   
    Taeyong's body grew hotter at the memories that burst in and out of his head. He had never been such an unraveled mess under someone before. Yuta had pulled at each of his seams until he had come undone under him.    
   If last night Yuta had been a forest fire. Taeyong now stood in the wreckage. Naked.   
   Hot water dulled the ache in his back. The pain had been lost in his thoughts and sensations. The traces Yuta left on him seared every inch of him. The pain was sweeter than it should have been.   
   Taeyong washed his hair with Yuta's shampoo. It seemed so strange to him. To use a stranger's shampoo after he had sex with him. Would he smell like Yuta now? He wondered while the scent invaded his senses.   
   It held hints of different spices. As if Yuta was made of what a fall day should be. It reminded him of fall days that held remnants of summer's warmth. The scent of sweet spices that he only ever smelled inside his favorite cafe. It tickled his nose pleasantly. His mouth pulled into a small smile as he let himself enjoy it.   
_  Last night didn't matter.  _ If Taeyong and Yuta shared more kisses and nights together they didn't matter either. None of it mattered. He could just enjoy himself. He could lose himself. He could lose himself in all of it; kisses, touches, scents, smiles and nights. None of it mattered. His kisses didn't need to mean anything. His touches didn't need to tell Yuta anything. They just needed to be felt. That was enough for Yuta. Maybe it would be enough for Taeyong too.   
_  Being Yuta's friend might actually be a good thing. _ _   
_      The steam had reached high above the shower head and now fogged Taeyong's vision. He rinsed his hair out. He reached out for the handle and shut the water off. His hair hung over his eyes dripping wet. He blindly reached out of the shower to grab a towel. He began to dry himself off before he stepped out of the shower. He glanced at the clothes Yuta had lent him. He had no intentions of wearing the clothes he wore last night after he got cleaned up. Taeyong didn't even want to think about the struggle he would have to endure to get back into his leather pants now. Instead, he slipped on a pair of baggy gray sweat pants. He then pulled over a black hoodie that reached his mid thigh. The clothes weren't different from the stuff he usually wore on a lazy Saturday. He felt comfortable and warm. He knew that he should have felt a bit strange in Yuta's clothes. Because well they didn't belong to him. They were Yuta's clothes and he must have worn them before. Taeyong honestly didn't give a fuck. He was clean, warm and comfortable. He couldn't have asked for more.   
    Taeyong ruffled his hair with the towel to dry it. Then he ran his fingers through the dark locks so he wouldn't look like a mess. The condensation on the mirror began to fade. He could see himself in the smears in between the fog. His skin was flushed from the hot water. He pushed his hair back and away from his eyes. He could've have sworn he saw something in his eyes. Sparks. He saw sparks in them. They were small but they were there. He studied his eyes dark almond eyes in the mirror. They were again just his eyes. He reached for the mouthwash on his right side and took a swig. He couldn't brush his teeth but he wasn't going to walk around with nasty breath.    
    His tongue burned hot at the liquid and then he realized that it was /cinnamon/ flavored. Even with his cheek full of mouth washed he smiled at his image in the mirror.   
    Once his breath no longer smelled like last night's beer he got out of the bathroom. The breeze from the bedroom window hit him first. His face had been so warm now he felt cool kisses touch his cheek. He was grateful for the warm clothes. He walked into Yuta's bedroom quietly.   
    "You look cute in my clothes." Yuta had swiveled his desk chair to look at Taeyong when he had heard him come in. His mouth was pulled into an impish grin.   
    "Yeah thanks, I'll get them back to you after I've washed them," Taeyong said. He walked over to the bed and grabbed his phone. He had a few texts from his roommates. One from Doyoung that he demanded he'd come home tonight because he couldn't deal with Ten longer that a few hours. Then a series of texts from Ten that each more apologetic than the last. The last text promised a trip to IKEA next weekend. Taeyong rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone. He ran his hand through his hair that was almost dry.   
     Taeyong wondered for a moment about his revelation in the bathroom. Now that he was in the same room as Yuta were things different? They still didn't mean anything. He still felt a cosmic pull in him that directed him to be near Yuta. To line the of dynamite powder that seemed to connect them together and get ready for the next explosion. He just had to feel. He didn't need to care. He reminded himself of this.   
    "Ready to go? I hope you are because I think my stomach is ready to rage war on me." Yuta laughed as he walked towards Taeyong. His arm wrapped itself around Taeyong's waist so naturally. As if it supposed to be there. That's where it belonged. His touch scorched through the thick material of the sweater and waistband. It made Taeyong's waist and hips light up in blissful heat. The heat dusted over his cheeks and he coyly turned to the side. Taeyong bit his lower lip and smiled. Close like this was nice. Closer than that was even better so Taeyong leaned in closer. Their separate warmth became one shared between them.   
   "Ready. These pancakes better be worth the walk." Taeyong chuckled as they walked out of the bedroom. The hallway that led towards the staircase was a mess. There were cups littered in the corners and there was what looked like shaving cream dripping from one of the doors. Taeyong didn't even want to imagine what the rest of the frat house looked like. His face pulled into a grimace and he wished he could shut his eyes. But the stench of spilled beer, vomit and chips were still fresh in the air. It was enough to make Taeyong both want to dry heave in one of the messy corners. Also, run all the way back to his clean apartment.    
_ That's if Ten hasn't cleaned up his puke. God, why do drink themselves sick like this? _ _   
_     "I just don't get it," Taeyong mumbled as his wandered over a few of the campus residents asleep in different parts of the foyer.  One guy was curled up by the banister asleep.   
    "Parties aren't your usual scene huh?" Yuta asked as he tried to guide Taeyong through the messiest way out the door. Once they were outside Taeyong was finally able to breathe through his nose. Crisp October air greeted him. The scent of rain was in the air, though. Taeyong looked up at the clouds that were muddled together in shades of gray.   
    "Honestly?" Taeyong asked after he gulped in fresh breaths of air. Yuta had laughed softly to himself as he watched the odd boy. Taeyong looked back at him with a sheepish grin.   
    "Honestly." Yuta nodded.   
    "No, parties aren't my thing. My friends convinced me yesterday to go out. It took them about of an hour of begging and bribing." Taeyong found his fingers in his hair. He ran through the strands shy. Sometimes he didn't realize just how socially inept he could be. Yuta laughed. It had been soft and gentle in Taeyong's ears. But it vibrated within him because he was so close. The feeling of his laughter lingered on Taeyong.   
    "It's really not funny just how much of an introvert I am. I expect after last night and today I won't be able to interact with society for a few days." Taeyong muttered. He hadn't realized the small aches inside him that begged him to return home. He mentally tired after last night. Normally after a party, he'd refuse to be social again for at least a couple of days. Going out and being social with other human beings in real life was hard. It was a lot like exercise. But Taeyong wasn't good at exercise either so bribes were usually the best way to get him out of the apartment. If he wasn't in the dance studio, class or at the apartment well then that was when people usually began to worry. Taeyong was sure that a social butterfly like Yuta wouldn't understand what he meant. He was okay because he lived with a pair of social butterflies. Yuta squeezed at Taeyong's waist and he laughed again. It was carried in the air to the high heavens. A gift to the stars that Taeyong wished he could have held onto maybe a moment longer. Because he liked the way it rang in his ear. Clear as bells but prettier. It brought a smile to his own face. Even if his face was flushed from embarrassment.    
_  Does he really think my lack of social skills is that funny? _ _   
_     "Jeez, what did they bribe you with? How do you not like to talk to people? I love to talk to people. I like talking to you. Your voice doesn't match your face." Taeyong realized that Yuta liked to talk a lot and fast. He was mostly okay with that. He still had some energy left in him to handle /the/ extrovert of extroverts.   
     "I'm getting a new skillet and wok. Also, a new plant because my shitty roommate puked in it this morning. Basically, I'm getting a trip to IKEA which is enough to get me to do just about anything" Taeyong explained with no shame. He loved to cook and his friends knew that. New cooking supplies, appliances, ingredients were always easy ways to get him to do anything. He'd commit a felony for certain IKEA products if someone asked.   
     "Fuck, you're so adorable Taeyong." He smiled and then pressed his lips to Taeyong's neck. His lips still sweet with a smile. Taeyong's skin lit up in flames at the touch. He kissed Taeyong's neck and chuckled. His breath caresses Taeyong's heated skin. It felt so good Taeyong smiled.   
     "Why do you keep saying that?" Taeyong asked. His voice is soft. Softer than the cool  early fall breeze that runs through them.    
      "Because it's true but you don't seem to believe it," Yuta whispered over his skin. They're still walking through campus. The gate is only another twenty feet away from them. People were walking by them. Their eyes were on them. Their eyes were on Yuta who looked so incredibly intimate with this new boy.    
     Intimate. It felt intimate to be held by him. To be kissed by him. To have sweet words murmured over his neck. All in public. It felt good. It felt so good. It felt good not to feel shame over it either. Taeyong ignored the looks they received and enjoyed the soft kisses Yuta peppered on his cheek. He couldn't help but giggle softly at the ticklish sensation the kisses left on his skin. He tried to cover his mouth with his hand. It was more of a sweater paw than an actual hand.   
       "I'm going to keep saying it until you believe it," he said before he pulled away. His lips are pink and stretched into a smile. Taeyong looked at him and felt something inside him burst. A bubble of warmth. He melted in Yuta's embrace but he didn't shy away from the feeling. He just shook his head and laughed again.   
      "I think everyone is mistaken. You're not actually a super cool soccer player and part time heartthrob. You're actually a big dork aren't you?" Taeyong chuckled.    
      "Hey, I got a rep to maintain. Keep that to yourself." Yuta winked at Taeyong and he lost it.   
_  Oh My God, I just became FWBs with a complete dork _   
     They were no longer on the campus. The street was busy with students and city dwellers alike. There were shops, restaurants, and bars lined down miles of streets. It was one of the convenient aspects of attending a college in an urban area. They squeezed their way to the crowded crosswalk and waited for the light to change. Yuta chuckled and wrinkled his nose before he smiled at him.   
     The light changed and Yuta gave Taeyong's hand a squeeze before they crossed the street. Taeyong was not a fan of crossing streets. It was just a nerve-wracking task he usually liked to avoid it at all cost. But the dinner was on the other side of the street. Taeyong figured that it was the diner with the bright lights and signs that read 'Best Pancakes this Side of Town'. It was fashioned to look like something pulled right out of the 50's. It was small and colored in bright pastels. It made Taeyong's eyes hurt but the thought of food was enough for him to walk through the doors with Yuta.   
    Inside the diner, Taeyong's stomach was ready to assault the first plate of food he could get his hands on. Yuta brought them to a booth by a window. A waitress came by and gave them each a menu. She smiled widely at Yuta.   
       "Good to see you again Yuta," she said while she took out her pen and check book. He glanced at Taeyong and gave this almost appreciative look before she turned back to Yuta. Taeyong frowned slightly and wondered if he imagined it. But then she winked at Yuta playfully and he decided not to dwell on it.    
_  Yuta seems like a regular here. Well if he takes the people he has sex with here for breakfast. I wonder how many times she's seen him with a different person in this booth. _ __   
       "What will you boys have to drink?" she asked. She looked at the boys with a bright smile. Yuta returned it only his was brighter than anything in the whole diner.    
      "Coffee please," Taeyong ordered with a polite smile. Yuta ordered himself orange juice and then they both took hold of their menus. Taeyong wanted pancakes. He wanted a stack that was equivalent to his own height in pancakes. He was that hungry.   
       "Do you know what you want?" Yuta asked. Taeyong nodded his head and set the menu down. Not long after the waitress returned with their beverages.   
       "So I'll have the french toast with a side of eggs and bacon. And he'll have-" Yuta looked at Taeyong as if to nudge him to make his order.   
       "Uh, I'll have two orders of buttermilk pancakes, side of eggs and bacon. Some homefries too please?" Taeyong finished his order and gave the menu back to the waitress. He hadn't caught the way Yuta now stared at him.   
         "How does someone as tiny as you eat that much?" Yuta asked the shock evident in his tone. Taeyong bit on his lower lip and shrugged.    
         "I can't help it. I'm really hungry I feel like I haven't eaten in days." Taeyong grumbled. His stomach just wanted to swallow itself that was just how hungry he was. Yuta just grinned at him. It was stupid little cocky grin and Taeyong had quickly realized that that grin was not a good thing.   
          "I guess after last night I can't blame you for being starved. We went at it all night long." Yuta raised a suggestive brow at Taeyong. Taeyong turned to look at the window. His face had become red so fast. While he had no probably being intimate in public. He hadn't expected Yuta to speak so openly about their sex life.   
         "Shut up before I order more food. I don't think your wallet would appreciate that." Taeyong huffed.    
         "Chill babe, I was just kidding. Order whatever you want today is on me." Yuta smirked. Taeyong knew he enjoyed whenever he teased him. He hadn't wanted to give him the satisfaction of seeing him flustered but it was hard.    
           Taeyong's mouth pursed into a frown. He was grumpy enough because he was hungry he didn't want to get irritable. He wasn't sure how Yuta would take it. It was too soon in whatever it was they were to get mad over something so silly.   
            There was silence at the table for a moment. It wasn't awkward but it wasn't comfortable either. Questions seemed to linger between them. Unanswered questions.    
           "About what you asked me earlier. About being friends..." Taeyong trailed off and eluded to being FBWs without saying the words out loud. He didn't want the people around them to know what he was talking about.    
          "I want it too." he finally said. The words needed to be pushed out of his mouth but when they came out they felt good. He wanted it.   
           Yuta smiled at him. His painfully beautiful smile that lit the entire diner up.    
          "Great, let this commemorate our new friendship." Yuta lifted his glass of orange juice. His voice had purred over the word 'friendship' and his mouth was shaped into a sharp smirk. He held his glass up and waited for Taeyong to lift his coffee mug. Taeyong gave him a funny look before he lifted his coffee mug. The scent brought him at easy but he felt now something changed.   
           Yuta clinked his glass with Taeyong's mug.   
          "To friendship." Yuta took a sip of his juice. Taeyong took a baby sip of his still hot coffee.   
           Something at defiantly changed. Taeyong felt it inside of him. The fire inside him now stayed lit in him. Small kindled flames warmed him and reminded him this was what he wanted.    
           Yet he couldn't ignore the small nervous tight twist in his stomach as his gaze met Yuta's eyes. Then it was something dropped gasoline into the small flames inside him. The flames were no longer small and warm. But they inescapable. Taeyong sat there and burned with Yuta with a smile on his face.   
  
**Ch.3 END**


	4. Pancakes and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice chat over some delicious breakfast food. The beginning of a wonderful friendship. Just two people connecting together. They're not your typical FWBs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter isn't as intense/passionate. I wanted to begin developing their friendship here. So I hope you like that? Trust me it's going to get more intense/passionate in the future. This chapter might be a mess and I'm sorry. I promise the next one will be better. At least I hope it will. Please enjoy.   
> thank you for the comments and kudos~!  
> Please let me know what you think.

       “So what's your major?” Yuta asked. Yuta took a sip of his chilled orange juice. Steam pooled above Taeyong’s coffee mug.   
         “I'm majoring in Dance. Minor in Music. What about you?” Taeyong asked. His eyes glanced up at Yuta. He felt thrilled to play twenty questions. He was sure Yuta could tell by his face. He frowned at him. He didn't want to talk about school. Not when it was the weekend.  
           “International Relations.” He answered. Taeyong was impressed. He expected something generic. Especially from a guy who played on a sports team.   
           “International Relations? So you enjoy things like politics?” he asked. He didn’t like politics. He had his own beliefs and principals. Politics usually took things like that crapped all over them.   
           “Yeah I’ve always been interested in politics, government, social justice issues. People think it's weird when they I tell them that I’m majoring in International Relations.” He chuckled. It was a small bashful chuckle. Taeyong wondered if he felt any shame for that. That made Taeyong almost feel bad. Because he had thought the exact same thing just a minute ago. Why was it so weird for a guy like Yuta to be interested in something like that?  
           “Is it because you’re on the soccer team?” Taeyong asked and he hated how true it was.   
_It’s kind of like how people assume just because I dance hip hop I’m not interested in other kinds of dance. Or creating my own music. Especially writing my own raps. People like to think that just because you do one thing then that one thing is the center of your world. That’s just not always true. Yuta might think the same way._  
      “Not just on the team but the captain. Everyone expects me to be into just that and nothing else. I have other interest outside of soccer. I’ve even taken a few dance classes.” Yuta said and Taeyong is floored. He stared at him with wide eyes. Now that he really hadn’t expected.  
         “Wait you’ve taken dance-“  
         “I’ve got a plate of French toast and eggs for you, honey. Also two plates of the pancake special for you, sweetie.” The waitress had returned with both of their orders.  She smiled at both of them before she walked away. Taeyong’s sentence had been forgotten in less than seconds. Because all he could think about was the enticing scent of the hot buttermilk pancakes right before him.  
  
          Taeyong had orgasmed at least three times last night. All because of Yuta. But none of those orgasms could compare to the one he just experienced in his mouth. These pancakes were everything good and pure in the world.  
"Oh, my gosh these pancakes-"  
"I know. Here try this." Yuta grinned from ear to ear. He held his fork out to Taeyong with a piece of French toast for him.  
         Taeyong looked at him for half a second before he leaned in and took the piece in his mouth. His tongue was delighted with the light and crisp texture of the toast. It was so sweet it felt like it could melt in his mouth.  
 _This food is fucking magical. God, I want to marry the cook._   
         "How come I've never heard of this place? I would think at least one person wrote about this place on their Facebook or something. Especially since it's so close to campus." Taeyong asked. He began to slice himself another piece of pancake. He had finished his first stack and was already on his next one.  
        "It's a small family business. Their whole theme is keeping things small and simple. People tend to overlook small diners like this. But look how much they're obviously missing out on." Yuta explained. Taeyong nodded his head. He wanted to say something but his cheeks were stuffed with savory fluffy pancakes.

        "Obviously." He managed to mumble through his full cheeks. Yuta laughed and his eyes found Taeyong’s again.

         It looked like he had wanted to say something in that moment. The way his smile lingered on him. Taeyong just stared at him with his small chipmunk cheeks. A soft hue of red was stretched over his cheeks. He couldn’t hold onto Yuta’s gaze not as long as he looked like a cartoon character. He swallowed his food a little too quickly. He reached for his mug and took a long sip of his coffee. The warm and rich aroma that tickled his nose made want to curl up inside his sweater. 

_It's not my sweater. But it really reminds me of ones I have._ _  
_“Obviously.” Yuta chuckled and his eyes settled back down to his plate. He was nearly finished but for the moment his eggs seemed to be the most interesting thing in the room. Taeyong sipped his coffee quietly. His eyes wandered around the room. The retro style of the diner was charming. The shades of pastels weren’t his favorite thing but it matched.  
        Suddenly he felt like he should have shared a milkshake with Yuta. It’d fit the scenery perfectly. The image of a lone milkshake and two straws came up in his head. Then came Taeyong and along came Yuta. They slowly leaned in at the same time. Until they both held their respective straws in between their lips. Their foreheads touched just barely. Taeyong’s eyes met Yuta’s and he had blushed so hard he looked away. Yuta smiled as he slowly sipped the milkshake.   
_Oh my gosh what the hell am I thinking_  
         Taeyong shook his head and set his mug of coffee down.   
        “Something wrong?” Yuta asked. He pushed his plate to the side. Taeyong picked his fork back up and continued eating. He started to feel full but he was going to finish both of his plates. He didn’t want to waste Yuta’s money or the delicious food.  
        “No, why would anything be wrong? Other than the fact I’m almost out of coffee.” Taeyong chuckled. He didn’t want things to get weird between them just because he got himself lost in his head.  
        “Should I order you another cup?” Yuta turned to look for the waitress. Taeyong’s eyes shot wide and sputtered;  
        “N-No! It's fine! I don’t need anything else really…” Taeyong spooked himself with how loud he yelled. The diner had been so quiet that it was like his voice had been amplified tenfold. He shrunk in his seat. He desperately wanted to melt inside his sweater to hide away from all the eyes on him. Mostly he wanted to hide from Yuta’s gaze.  
        Yuta’s eyes didn’t leave Taeyong no matter how much he wished they just would look anywhere else. Taeyong’s hands were lost within the long sleeves as he fidgeted under his stare.  
       “Taeyong.”  
        Yuta’s voice compelled him to look up. Though he could only hold his gaze for a second or two before it shifted to the table.  
      “Taeyong,” Yuta said again. His voice was so gentle and soft. Taeyong felt stupid because he allowed his thoughts to whisk him away from reality. They were just having breakfast like two normal people. He had to ruin it with those images of them together.  
 _Remember he’s only in it for the sex. So are you. You wanted this and only this. Don’t mess it up._ _  
_“Hey, when I said I wanted to be /friends/” Yuta used air quotes around the around ‘friends’ as if Taeyong needed a hint at what he meant. Of course, he knew what he meant. Then again he’d probably not say it out loud in this wholesome family diner either. Taeyong nodded his head and let Yuta continue.  
            “You probably thought I was only interested in one thing right?” he asked. His head tilted to the side just a bit and his mouth was pulled into half a frown. Taeyong’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  
            “Well, isn’t that what it means?” Taeyong asked completely lost.  
            “Yeah it does but people sometimes forget about the ‘friend’ part of it. I want us to be real friends too if that's okay? So we can just hang out like this sometimes. It doesn’t have to be weird or awkward. If something is on your mind or bothering, you I want you to tell me. Especially if it has something to do with sex.” Yuta said. This time he hadn’t even bothered to censor himself. Taeyong was sure he heard the disgruntled gasps of the elderly in the background. Taeyong bit down on his lower lip. Confused yet put at ease.  
 _He’s so honest. He’s not ever afraid to just say things. Or ask people how they’re feeling. Or ask them what they want. He’s so sincere and gentle. I can’t believe this is the same guy who fucked me senseless last night. But it makes him even better than just that. He’s a good guy._ _  
_Taeyong slowly nodded his head and let his hands rest on the table. His fingers poked through the sleeves as he began to relax again.  
             “I want to be real friends with you too Yuta. You seem like a good person and I like that.” Taeyong spoke softly. A smile began to hint at his lips but it couldn’t have stayed hidden when it met Yuta’s smile.  
 _He really has a wonderful smile. It's so bright and perfect. Honestly, he could probably calm a rabid bear just by smiling at it._ _  
_“Great! Okay so let's really start this friendship off. Please tell me more about yourself. Before the food arrived you told me you’re a dancer, right? Tell me more about that.” Yuta’s smile grew so big and bright Taeyong felt blinded by it.  
 _He was talking about his own passions too. International Relations. That’s pretty intense but there’s something about him. The way he talks to me. Directly to me in his gentle and understanding way that I can picture him as the ideal Politician. He could make a difference in the world. Also didn’t he say something about dance classes?_  
         “Okay, um well I do more hip-hop style. But this semester I’m taking an intro to ballet class.” Taeyong spoke softly. Though his voice was just barely over a whisper. His eyes were ignited with sparks that only ever came when he spoke about dance. Also when he kissed Yuta.   
         “Ballet? That's amazing, isn’t hard though? Lots of discipline right?” Yuta asked. Taeyong was struck for a moment. Usually, when he told anyone he was in a ballet class they always asked why? Why would _he_ be in a ballet class? Especially if he enjoyed dancing more hip-hop than anything else. It obvious why they asked. It had nothing to do with hip hop and everything to do with being a male. Still, even now people couldn’t get away from the heteronormative scripts.   
But not Yuta. Yuta didn’t ask why. Because Yuta obviously knew from experience. Why did the captain of a soccer team want to major in International Relations? Why did the captain of a soccer team want to take dance classes? He had faced a million of the same questions. Yuta knew these questions well but he didn’t ask them. Yuta was different. Not in that super cheesy Romantic Comedy movie sort of way. Not because when he kissed Taeyong it was like he lit on fire each time. No, Yuta was just different because he asked the right questions.  
           Taeyong bit his lower lip to hide the smile that tore at the corners of his mouth.  
           He felt a kindling light up in the pit of his stomach.  
           They hadn’t kissed.  
           But it was there and it glowed with a comforting warmth.  
           Taeyong knew it was too early to have these thoughts but he just felt it.  
 _I don’t think I’ll regret becoming his friend._  
          “Yeah kinda but it's worth because now when I go to my other dance classes I feel more in control of my body but looser as well. It's hard to explain.” Taeyong mumbled the last bit. If he spoke too much about dancing he might let himself get carried away. It was always so easy for him to get swept away when dancing was involved. Even now a song was playing in his head and it begged his limbs to follow along. Taeyong held his muscles still.  
“Have you ever tried any other types of dance?” Yuta asked, he leaned over the table and looked at Taeyong as if he was the most interesting thing in the room.  
             The flame within him flared up hotly.  
            “I’ve done some jazz but not enough.”   
           “Why not enough?” Yuta frowned. Though his eyes were obviously purely curious. He just wanted to know more about Taeyong. He would ask all the questions he could.  
            “It was just a short class over the summer? I wish I could’ve had a longer time to learn more.” Taeyong confessed and Yuta nodded as if he understood him. Or the feeling he had felt when the summer class was over. The ache in his chest that just wanted at least another week, day, an hour. Just a little more time.  
           “Some people don’t ever try anything besides what they know and good at. Why do you do it Taeyong?” Yuta asked. Though Taeyong normally hated when people asked him why he took up ballet or jazz this was different. He asked the question in a way that didn’t make Taeyong feel uncomfortable. That didn’t make his choices seem weird. Just different and that was enough to earn an answer. An honest one.  
           “I believe that to be good at an art form it's important to learn different aspects of it. I think it’ll make you better at what you love. Also, broadens your perspective on the art.” Taeyong spoke carefully but he could not hide the fire in his words. They burned far too brightly in his eyes.  
             Yuta smiled and Taeyong swore that in his eyes he too saw flames.  
            “I like the way you think Tae,” he said.   
             Taeyong hadn’t felt a rush of pride and pleasure like that since his ballet instructor praised him last week. His chest warmed so much even his ears felt red.  
             He coughed as if he needed to clear his throat but he had been too obvious. Yuta laughed and Taeyong couldn’t help but chuckle softly.  
            “Okay, normally I’d want to stop talking about my dancing because if we continue this I’ll end up talking until tomorrow. But you mentioned that you have taken some dance classes right? What sort of dance classes?” Taeyong didn’t want to be the focal point of the conversation. Yuta had suggested getting to know each other. Taeyong wanted to get to know him just as much.  
         “Right I did mention that.” Yuta laughed again. Taeyong wondered what it must’ve been like to laugh so easily like that.   
         “Most of the guys on the team take an art class or theater class to get credits. But I decided to take a dance class because I thought it’d be fun. So I took an intro to ballroom dancing one semester. Then I took Zumba which a lot more work that people make it out to be. But they were both really fun. Then during the summer, I knew a guy who was teaching a hip-hop dance class and I said why not? Yeah, I just like to try new things and I actually like dancing a lot.” Yuta explained and Taeyong listened and again was taken by surprise.  
          _I thought he would’ve taken maybe one class. But he’s taken more different classes than me. What even is this guy?_  
           “You know I wouldn’t mind listening to you gush for hours about dancing. I like to hear about what people are passionate about. But I take it that you don’t talk much right?” Yuta asked and it was like he hit the nail on the head. Taeyong looked down a bit awkwardly. He remembered just how much time he had already spent with this extrovert.  
_Does he like to listen to people talk? What a weirdo. A precious weirdo but a weirdo nonetheless. What time is it? I'm surprised Doyoung hasn’t called in a search party yet. He’s probably on the verge of murdering Ten. I should get home soon. Home. God, how long I have been outside today? Talking to other humans. Well, just one human really. But Yuta counts for at least two. He talks a lot. But what comes out of his mouth isn’t stupid so it’s okay. I want to go home soon, though. I think I need to talk to Doyoung and Ten about this anyway. They’re probably going to flip the fuck out._ _  
_ “I’d like to hear more of your voice. I like your voice even if it doesn’t quite match your face sometimes.” Yuta said. He rested his chin on his arms while he admired Taeyong. Taeyong gave him a funny look.  
_I still don’t understand what he means by that. Is there something wrong with my voice or face?_ _  
_“You said that before. What do you mean by that exactly? I forgot to ask last time cause-” Taeyong’s words felt flat. Because he had remembered exactly why he had gotten distracted last time.  
 _He had kissed me on my neck in public. He had made me feel so right and happy in his arms. I couldn’t think of anything else but his lips on my skin. Will he kiss me like that again?_ _  
_Yuta’s mouth curved into a dangerous grin. He knew exactly what Taeyong had almost said.  
       “Because I had you all wrapped up in my arms? Or because I kissed you right there again.” Yuta discreetly pointed to one of the visible marks on Taeyong’s neck. Taeyong’s instincts told him to cover the markup but what would be the point? He’d spent hours already like that. He let the marks been seen because it was less trouble than if had fretted over them.  
        His face just warmed up the tiniest bit and nodded. Yuta’s smile was sly and just a little cocky but Taeyong still found it cute.  
 _Damn it. Not everything he does should be attractive._ _  
_“I said it because you have such a small and delicate face. Like I just want to hold it in my hands and kiss it all day long. You’re so pretty.” Yuta smiled widely. Taeyong just couldn’t believe he could say things like that out loud and not be embarrassed. He couldn’t even compliment someone without a part of him wanting to self-destruct  
      “Your voice is deep but you also speak so gently and softly. Sometimes it fits your face but sometimes like last night I was taken by surprise. Your voice can get really deep and raspy. It was really fucking hot. It turned me on so fast like for a second I didn’t know what just had happened.” Yuta’s voice trailed off and Taeyong wheezed. He had not expected that. What he began to expect that Yuta would put him an early grave.   
__Zero to a hundred too quick.  Fuck Yuta find your chill so I have a chance to locate my own chill.  
       Yuta’s lips were curled into a smirk that baited Taeyong to melt right in front of him. Taeyong knew that was what Yuta wanted. On the inside, his organs, blood and everything in between had been liquefied. But he wouldn’t let Yuta have the satisfaction of knowing that. 

_       No, come on Taeyong you can play this game too.  _

      “Yeah well-” Taeyong coughed and pushed his plate to the side. He had finished his pancakes and it felt like his stomach would burst if he put anything else inside of it. There was also that whole possible self-combustion under Yuta’s gaze that could have happened any second. Also, he was more than ready to go home. Not before of course he retaliated.  
      “Well?” Yuta tilted his head. The way his eyes narrowed just the slightest bit and the corner of his mouth quirked. Provocation. Taeyong’s blood warmed and rushed through his veins.  
      “Give me your phone. “Taeyong bit his lip to hide the smirk on his face. He figured eventually this would have happened between them. At least now Taeyong had the chance to do it first. Yuta gave him a skeptical look before he gave him his phone. He just smiled at Yuta and took the phone. In a few quicks taps, he had saved his number on the phone. He handed it back to Yuta. His small syrup glossed lips were pulled into a devilish grin.  
      “When you want to hear my voice just call me.” He looked at Yuta with one raised a brow as if to hint at something. Yuta looked at him surprised for the first time since this morning. Then his mouth broke into a smile. A wonderfully lewd grin.  
     “Oh yeah? Then maybe I’ll call you soon. Because I don’t think I can come again like the way I did last night without your voice.” Yuta whispered so the conservative ears around them didn’t have to suffer. His eyes were dark with embers of a fire in them. Taeyong could have imploded right in his seat with just the heated gaze. Instead, he was left with a desperate need to kiss Yuta all over again. He stayed in his seat.  
     “Well then maybe we should head out. You’re done right?” Yuta said as if they hadn’t exchanged some of the sexiest banter that Taeyong had ever experienced in his life.  
Taeyong never felt so sexually frustrated because of a conversation. If he didn’t go home right now surely he’d end up in Yuta’s bed again. He wasn’t sure how FWBs worked but he assumed there was some cooling off period in between. He needed that cooling off period. Taeyong’s back was wet with sweat and that was just the final straw for him. Taeyong needed to go home. He hadn’t realized just how long they had been there. Just sitting across from each other talking like this. But it seemed like his body noticed. The noises in the diner felt amplified. The ding of the bell rang inside of him. The chatter of the customers was like flies buzzing by his ears nosily. He grimaced as he heard footsteps approach them. The waitress came by with the check and Yuta paid it with cash. Once that was taken care of they both headed out of the diner.  
      The air felt just a bit warmer now that it was later into the day. The taste of rain seemed faint and the sun’s light bled through the clouds. Yuta’s arm held Taeyong by the waist carefully.  
     “Do you want me to take you home? I’m sure you’re tired of hanging out with me already.” Yuta joked and squeezed Taeyong’s waist just a little. Again it was another small intimate action that made Taeyong want to wrap his arms around Yuta and kiss him until they were both red in the face.   
      Light touches that ignited him so easily and quickly. They were dangerous.  
     “Yes,” Taeyong said without hesitation. Then he realized what he had just said. And his eyes proceeded to fall out of their sockets in pure horror. He looked at Yuta mortified.  
     “I-I mean …what I mean is that yes I’d like to go home. I am tired but not of you. I can’t imagine any reason right now why I would be tired of hanging out with you.” Taeyong’s words rushed out his mouth so fast he hardly had the chance to catch his breath. His cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and he couldn’t look Yuta in the eye. The fear of the other being upset was far too unnerving for him.  
 _Why did I say that? I mean yes I’d like to go home and just sleep for the next three days. After all, that happened. My mind feels like it’s being squeezed for everything in it. I don’t want to out here anymore around people. Especially around someone so great when I’m feeling like this._ _  
_“Should I just leave you here right now? So I don’t have to continue to sicken you?” Yuta asked. Taeyong left his mouth open as he gaped like a goldfish out of its bowl. His chest was crushed under the words. His entire face flared up with ugly heat.  
    “n-No I didn’t mean for that it’s just that-“  
    “Chill babe! I was kidding. Oh my gosh you look like you’re going to cry.” Yuta laughed softly and cupped Taeyong’s small face in his hands. It was so red and his big eyes were glassy.  
    “You were kidding?” Taeyong asked and felt like he could breathe again.   
_I can’t believe I almost cried. Am I five? Oh my gosh, I just need to go home and not come out of there ever again._  
    “Yeah. Sorry sarcasm comes with the complete sexy package.” Yuta grinned and leaned in to kiss Taeyong. But Taeyong turned so quick and shoved at Yuta. It wasn’t a hard shove but it was enough.  
 _He’s so freaking lame._ _  
_“Oh my gosh, you actually scared me! I thought you were upset because I said that. I only said it because I do want to go home. Not cause I’m sick of you. You jerk! I’m going home.” Taeyong wanted to stomp away but then he’d only look like even more a drama queen. But Yuta seemed to have found the entire thing hilarious because he was hysterical with laughter.  
     “Babe- Oh my gosh. Ouch.” He laughed so hard his side began to hurt. He held onto Taeyong close and tight. Again he buried his face in Taeyong’s neck and chuckled over the skin.  
     “I get it, babe. You just want to go home and I’ll take you home. But you should’ve seen your face.” He said right before he kissed one of the marks on Taeyong’s neck. He pulled back and looked at Taeyong with a smile.   
__How do you stay mad at someone with a perfect smile? Like his smile is honestly a little too perfect. Jerk.   
    “Come on where is your place?” Yuta placed a sweet little kiss on Taeyong’s cheek. He let his arm fall back into place. He held Taeyong by the waist again. He turned so they could head back to the campus.  
    “I hate you,” Taeyong grumbled. Yuta laughed again and peppered dozens of kisses onto his cheek. Taeyong whined and tried to pull away from him. Yuta’s hold was strong around his waist. If he’d been honestly, of course, he didn’t hate him. Of course, he didn’t want to move away. So he pretended to be grumpy over the kisses. Yuta just smiled and kissed his pretty pouty lips.

    “Sure you do babe.” he smirked and Taeyong had to look away.

     “Just take me home jerk,” he said. A smile hid on his lips.   
  
      About forty-five minutes later they had reached Taeyong’s apartment building. It was near the campus but it was a bit of a walk. It times like these Taeyong was reminded just lucky he was to have a car. A car he hadn’t bothered to take last night because they had taken Doyoung’s to the party. Yuta apparently didn’t have a car at the moment because it was in the shop. But he would have it again in a couple of days so neither of them would have to experience this again.  
   They rode the elevator in silence. Well, mostly silence, the only thing heard between them was Taeyong’s labored breathing. Taeyong was a dancer but any other type of physical activity always left him winded. This probably should have been a sense to try to get into shape or something. But instead, Taeyong ignored the signs and ran his hands through his dark hair. His fringe clung to his sweaty forehead. He’d have to take another shower.  
 _I look like such a sweaty hot mess. Can Yuta tell? I hope not._ __  
“You didn’t have to walk me to my door.”  
     “I’m a gentleman it’s what I do.” He joked. The elevator doors opened to Taeyong’s floor and the got out of the elevator. Taeyong took a right turn. Yuta followed by his side and seemed busy looking around. Taeyong’s apartment was right smack dab in the middle of the hallway. He would have preferred to live at the end of the hall but it didn’t really matter. As he neared his door he could hear his roommates. They were both being incredibly loud. Which wasn’t surprising at all but Taeyong couldn’t help but feel bad. Surely one of their neighbors planning the death of the tenants of apartment 619. Taeyong hoped he would be in class when it happened.  
     “Well this is my place so um-“ Taeyong didn’t really know what else to say. He looked at Yuta and for a moment neither of them said anything.  
      “I guess I’ll see you around-“  
      Yuta pushed Taeyong against the wall. Their lips met in a kiss. Taeyong knew it hadn’t been that long since the last time they kissed. Yet it felt like it had been so much longer. Hours felt like years when it came to their kisses. His body was quickly lit up in sweet flames. He kissed Yuta back. It wasn’t a starved kiss. Yuta didn't try to devour him whole. No, it was slow. Yuta wanted to savor the feeling our their lips pressed together. Taeyong wanted that too. He wanted to feel Yuta’s smooth warm lips on his own. He wanted to taste his cinnamon flavored kisses again and again. He didn’t know when he’d see Yuta again. He hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

      Flames curled around him. He felt them hold him as they kissed. Another forest fire. It took him again and Taeyong didn’t care.

     “I’m going to call you okay?” Yuta whispered over Taeyong’s lips after he finally tore the kiss apart. Taeyong’s mouth fought not to lean in and kiss him all over again. The fire inside of him begged to be fed with more kisses and touches.  
     “Okay. Bye.” Taeyong mumbled back. Yuta moved away and it was a bucket of cold water was thrown over Taeyong.   
Cold. He didn’t like to feel this coldness but Yuta looked at him with a smile as he walked away.  
     “Bye Taeyong see you around.” He said before he turned to walk down the hall back to the elevator.  
Taeyong’s knees buckled in and he held onto the doorknob. It was unlocked so he quickly opened it and slipped inside before he could run after Yuta. Because he wanted to kiss again so bad. But that would look really needy and clingy.  
 _I don’t want to do that again._ _  
_“Look who is home! Are you done slutting it up with Nakamoto? About damn time Ten hasn’t stopped puking and honestly I was going to just push him out into the hallway right now. Here come take care of your idiot son.” Doyoung called out from the kitchen. Somewhere in between all of that he heard Ten’s weak voice say something.  
Taeyong sighed.  
 __Home sweet home.  
  


**Ch.4 END**


	5. Burn me again and again and again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do with clothes aren't yours? Taeyong returns them but things aren't as simple as he thought they would be. Or will it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know I have been gone for like 7 years. Honestly, school. kicked my ass and it took me until know to finally get my shit together. So, I'm really sorry. It's crazy how long I've been working on this chapter and now it's done. Thank you for all the comments and kudos! Also, I made this playlist for this fic idk if you'd want to listen to it but its https://open.spotify.com/user/12187096018/playlist/4B0oJPc5r9vr9MS5q3Juls  
> no kpop songs but these songs make me think of this fic when i listen to them so yeah enjoy if you'd like or not idk.

      Taeyong sighed. It had to be about the third time he sighed in a span of two minutes or less. His eyes lingered on the freshly washed black hoodie and sweatpants that laid on his bed. He had folded them twice and his hands itched to try again.

 _Does this look like it was done by the dry cleaners? Too neat right? It’ll look like I care way too much I should_ -

      Taeyong tried to give the borrowed clothes some wrinkles. His hands took hold of the clothing and he tugged and jumbled them in his hands until they laid back down messily on his comforter. He stared at the clothes for what felt like agonizing seconds. He swore his right at may have even twitched or he imagined it. Then in a flash, his hands moved before he could stop them. His hands pressed the wrinkles out of the folded clothes again.

      Taeyong sighed again.

      He turned away from the clothes to pull out his phone. With his mouth screwed in a tight frown, he opened the camera and took a quick picture of the perfectly folded clothes. He tapped ‘send’ all while he felt like at least one of his lungs would burst from lack of oxygen. Followed by the picture he sent a text that read;

**‘You still want these right?’**

_That's super casual. Right? Like okay if the clothes look too neat at least I don’t look like a jerk. Was the text casual though right? Like it shows that I don’t care if Yuta wants his clothes or not. It matters that he wants them. If not then whatever right?_

     This is what had Taeyong so worried. Normally doing laundry was a healing experience. One of Taeyong’s favorite house chores to do. Especially since he had his own special way of washing his clothes. Also if he didn’t wash the clothes then they would all live under a mountain of dirty basketball shorts and sweaty socks. That thought alone was enough to make him want to puke.

     The idea had felt clever when he first thought of it. Taeyong thought it was just a fun idea. Send a pic of the clothes. Make Yuta curious and seem so super casual about everything. Now, Taeyong felt as if his heart was right over an edge of nothing but horrible anxiety and darkness. He wished that he hadn’t sent the text at all.

 _I could have kept the clothes. Honestly, they would have fit in perfectly with the rest of my_ -

     Taeyong felt his phone vibrate. He heart skidded to a violent stop and he prayed to all almighty beings. If this was Doyoung he swore he’d chuck his roommate down the stairs.

     His thumb trembled as it slid the phone open. The text read;

    ‘ **But they look so cute on you’** a winky face followed it. Taeyong swore that he began to feel light headed. Who could blame him when all the blood in his body rushed right to his face. Fuck, he was so glad that Yuta couldn’t see him. Yuta would have eaten this up. He loved the way he made Taeyong squirm. He was probably laughing to himself after he sent that text. Taeyong patted his hand to one of his cheeks as he held his phone. His eyes widen all over again.

     The text bubble hovered above another bubble. Yuta was still writing more. Taeyong couldn’t hold his breath any longer so he just tossed his phone on his bed. His hands reached to his face and rubbed at them even though they were already so warm.

_I can’t be like this. He’s just being a flirt like always. This isn’t a big deal.’_

    Yet it felt like a big deal to him. This whole situation felt so stupid but Taeyong couldn’t help but feel like a complete mess. It had been a week since the party and they hadn’t spoken to each other since then.

    Taeyong had been fine with that through the week. He figured that FWBs didn’t need to chat all the time or anything of the sort. Even if Yuta said he would call. That was one of the points of being just friends with benefits. Neither of them had to deal with the extra baggage. Everything had been fine all week until right about last night around four in the morning. That was when the dream came. Even now when he thought about it his body felt so hot. As if the small fire inside him was being rekindled all over again. It spread from the pit of his stomach to every inch of his body. His fingers still tingled as he recalled the dream.

* * *

 

 **It had been dark**. Though Taeyong remembered he was in a room. Not just anyone’s room it was Yuta’s room on top of his head bed. Yuta was on top of him smiling at him as if it were some invitation. ‘Come on. Taeyong does it. Touch me.’ The smile said and Yuta’s eyes that were the brightest things in the room lit with a thirsting fire only urged him even more. Yuta was in between his legs. His mouth hovered over the head of his cock. He took it inch my inch until his mouth of full of Taeyong’s length. Hot, wet and so small. Yuta’s tongue worked around his length with ease. He wanted to tease Taeyong until he cried. Taeyong threw his head back and mewled instantly. The sweet noises that dribbled out of his mouth made Yuta only work around his cock with an insatiable eagerness. Taeyong couldn’t help himself. His fingers had tangled themselves in Yuta’s dark chocolate brown locks and held them tight. His chest pushed forward and he moaned so loudly. Only Yuta could hear him and that’s what he wanted.

    In the dream he wanted Yuta to know just how fucking good he was making him feel. As if it wasn’t obvious with how hard his mouth had made him. Taeyong just didn’t and couldn’t hold back.

    Suddenly Yuta pulled away so slow until there was an audible pop when he finished. Taeyong’s body stilled. It was as he was submerged under the deepest depths of pleasure only to be yanked back out for a startling breath he didn’t even want. His body ached terribly all the way to his bones. In his body twisted and curved needily as the fire inside him whipped around trying to reach for any bit of Yuta it could.

   “Why did you-”

   “You’re just so fucking hot. Fuck you’ve got me so hard right now.” Yuta groaned and his hand was undoing his pants. Taeyong lifted his eyes and his eyes widen.

   “Oh fuck-”

   “Sorry baby-”

   Taeyong hadn’t even heard what came out of Yuta’s mouth next. His eyes were on Yuta’s cock once it was freed from the confines of jeans and underwear.

   Thick and long. So painfully hard too. Taeyong’s mouth watered and he hadn’t even realized that he had licked his lips while he stared shamelessly at Yuta’s dick. Yuta had noticed, though. The smirk on his face was so fucking dangerous and the way he moved in closer made Taeyong squeak.

   “I thought you’d like a better look baby,” he said as he sat on his knees in between Taeyong’s legs. Taeyong swallowed before he bit his lip.

   “I don’t want to just look at it,” he whispered. Taeyong had gotten up and now sat in front of Yuta. He had taken the other boy by surprise, he took himself by surprise. This really was a dream.

    There was a wildfire inside of Taeyong and he couldn’t control it or himself.

   “You want to touch me, baby?” Yuta asked his hand on his cock stroking in nice and slow. It was all a show for Taeyong. Taeyong watched with greedy dark eyes.

   Taeyong nodded. Even though his face was completely flushed and his hand trembled as it reached for Yuta he wanted it.

   He wanted to touch him. He wanted to taste him. He wanted to feel him inside him. All of it. He wanted all of it so bad.

   “Taeyong,” Yuta groaned once Taeyong’s slim fingers were wrapped around his length. It was so heavy in his hand but he began to move it anyway. Taeyong couldn’t remember the last time he had touched someone else like this. In the dream, it had felt like ages. As if he was reliving the first night at the party all over again. Taeyong didn’t get it. He didn’t have to. The noises that came out Yuta made it all worth it.

   Yuta groaned and moaned each time Taeyong flicked his wrist back and forth.

   “Tae-Taeyong,” Yuta cried out softly and he took hold of him by the face and pulled him into a kiss. It was so hard their teeth clang together. It was so messy their lips nearly missed each other. It was so hungry Yuta dared to devour Taeyong right there. Taeyong dared to let him.

   There was nothing like being consumed by a hellfire kiss. Their lips melted against each other, theirs bodies molded together and into one. Neither of them knew where one started and the other ended.

   Taeyong gasped against Yuta’s mouth. His hand slicks with precum.

   “Taeyong I can’t wait any longer please-”

   “Do it. Do it Yuta I want it so bad.”

   Taeyong’s voice was a raspy whisper. His breath caught up in his chest. Though he couldn’t wait any longer either. He had never wanted someone this bad before tonight.

   He wanted Yuta. He needed him. He’d have him.

* * *

 

   That had been when he woke up. It a cold sweat and the worse hard on he ever had. Even after two cold showers, it wasn’t enough to quell the desire inside him.

   He wanted Yuta. He wanted him like that dream. Like at the night of the party.

   Taeyong’s eyes shifted back to his phone that laid on his bed. He sucked in a breathed before he reached it and unlocked it. With only one eye open he read Yuta’s second text message. It read;

   ‘ **If you’re free, come by and drop them off. We can hang.** ’ Just as he finished reading it another text bubble popped up from under it. In seconds the third message came.

   ‘ **Or I could come over and picked them up. You chose babe.** ’

   Taeyong wouldn’t admit to the blush that brushed over his cheeks for a moment after he read the text. _Maybe_ , he thought. _Maybe this whole texting thing  wasn’t a bad idea._ What would be a bad idea was Yuta coming over. He hadn't told either of his roommates about what happened the morning after the party. Neither Doyoung or Ten had a clue that their best friend had an FWBs.  Taeyong wanted it to stay like that for now. He’d tell them eventually. Probably.

    _Like it matters. Ten hooks up with loads of guys and he doesn’t tell us about all of them._

   Taeyong tapped away at his phone quickly and hit sent before he could hit backspace. His heart gave a nervous twitter but he stuffed it in his pocket.

    **‘On my way.’**

   He had wanted it to short and simple. Though he prayed it didn’t seem too eager.

   Taeyong glanced at the clothes at the bed before he grabbed them and stuffed them in his backpack. After a couple of quick steps out his bedroom door, all he had to do was get through to the front door and he’d be fine. The only problem was that Doyoung was in the living room.

   The door was shut and Taeyong pressed himself to it for a moment as he stared at his goal only twenty or so feet away from him. He glanced at Doyoung on his phone and then back at the door. He could make it he thought. Taeyong tugged at his bag’s strap and inhaled deeply before he took his first step forward. The next few steps came as a blur. He’d sprint if he had to but then something made him stop in his tracks.

   “Taeyong,” Doyoung called out from the couch. Taeyong was halfway to the door. He wanted to groan so loudly but that would only lead to questions.

    _So close. I was almost there. Now, what does he want-_

   This was giving Taeyong horrible flashbacks to last afternoon when Yuta had dropped him off at his apartment after everything happened. Ten had been too hunger to have much of an opinion. Doyoung though, no one could ever stop him from an opinion on anything especially on anything that Taeyong did. He had claimed that right back in their Sophomore year of high school. Taeyong should have known then he had been doomed. Now as he thought about that afternoon he could have groaned into the void for the next fifty years.

* * *

 

  **That afternoon last Saturday. After Taeyong had opened the door.** Everything seemed to be colored in hues of red and pink roses. Yuta’s goodbye kiss felt like it happened ages ago even though seconds only passed by. The kiss had been ardent. It had left Taeyong dizzy and hot. He could still feel warmth linger on his lips. But the flames began to fade with each step he took into his apartment. His skin felt as if frost began to cover it.  But traces of Yuta's hot lips were still on Taeyong's lips. He could still taste the cinnamon and syrup from the kiss.  He walked into the living room. It was the biggest space in the two bedroom apartment. There were a flat screen tv, an old lumpy purple couch, and small coffee table. There wasn't much but his roommates somehow still managed to constantly make a mess of the space. Somebody’s pants were left strewn across the floor. Along with Doyoung’s backpack and Ten’s dance bag. Taeyong sighed and went over to pick the items up. It was just a habit now.

   Their apartment was only two bedroom because it was cheaper. As a college student, cheaper was always better. Taeyong got the single bedroom because he was the oldest. Doyoung and Ten begrudgingly shared the other bedroom.

    _Speaking of those two…_

   “Look who is home! Here come take care of your idiot son.” Doyoung called out from the kitchen.

    Taeyong stepped inside of the kitchen. It was a small space compared to the rest of the apartment. Except for the bathroom which was about half its size. One day Taeyong hoped to own a bigger kitchen. Somewhere he could cook meals comfortable. Until then he’d settle for the cramped kitchen he shared with his roommates. The kitchen wasn’t really that bad. The oven was adjacent to the cabinets and sink while the fridge stood beside them. Then in the center, there was a small wooden table for four. At the table, his two roommates were seated.

    Ten was more hunched over the table. Taeyong wasn’t even all that sure if the guy was awake or not. Doyoung though was wide awake and faced him as he entered the kitchen. His eyes immediately fell on Taeyong the second he had taken a step in. Those dark round eyes of Doyoung’s read ‘You can’t escape this’ so Taeyong shuffled in quietly.

    “Those aren’t your clothes.” Doyoung’s eyes finished their preliminary investigation of his best friend. Taeyong just stared at him in silence before he looked down at the clothes he had on.

_How the fuck would he know these aren’t mine?_

   “They look just like my clothes how do you know they aren’t mine?” Taeyong asked and Doyoung snorted obnoxiously loud before he could even finish. Doyoung waved a dismissive hand towards Taeyong’s clothes.

    “First of all yesterday, we dressed you. Remember hot red leather pants? Second of all that sweater is way bigger than your other ones and those sweats are about to fall off you. Besides whoever washed those clothes obviously only tossed it in the machine. You have a special method to washing your clothes and they aren’t as faded. That sweater isn’t black it's a dingy gray. Plus I could smell him on you from the second you opened the door.” He grimaced as if he had just taken a good whiff. Taeyong frowned and leaned down to smell the sweater. It smelled like Yuta. All his favorite spices. Taeyong just frowned at Doyoung.  

   “So Nakamoto lent you some clothes? Where are your clothes? Was he too horny that he ripped yours off? Is he going to pay you back for them? Where were you this morning? Did he take you out for breakfast? Did he take you to fucking McDonalds?” Doyoung threw questions at Taeyong so fast he hadn’t recovered yet over Doyoung’s report on his clothes.

_This guy needs a hobby._

   “You sound more like my wife and I’ve just come home from having an affair instead of my best friend who wants juicy details.” Taeyong huffed and took his seat at one of the ends of the table.

   “Ew don’t say the word ‘juicy’ but yeah tell me everything.” Doyoung drummed his fingers on the tabletop excitedly. Taeyong bit back a smile. If he were, to be honest with himself he did feel a little giddy now. He hadn’t talked to his friends about anyone in awhile. Especially anyone he had crazy hot sex with at a party. Wow, Taeyong was just realizing just how wild things really were.

_Am I finally having the ‘real’ college experience Ten is always bragging about? I went to a party. I drank. I had a great one night stand. I even got myself an FWBs. I think should be proud._

   “Why is my head vibrating?” Ten whined. Taeyong looked at him and his ‘mom friend’ instincts made him get up and rub Ten’s back gently.

   “Have you had anything to drink or eat yet?” he asked. Taeyong was already on his way to the fridge.

   “He’s been bitching and moaning about hangover soup. But I gave him a B12 and water so I don’t know why he’s still like that. So forget him he just wants mommy’s attention. Tell me what happened last night. If I have to ask one more time I swear Lee Taeyong-”

    Taeyong had gotten the cabbage and meat out of the fridge. It was a good thing that he had left some of the week’s meat in the fridge rather than the freezer yesterday. It came just in handy for their current situation. He grabbed a few other vegetables to put in the soup as well.

   “Okay, okay I’ll tell you. Last night when you guys abandoned me to go to have your fun I did a whole lot of nothing for awhile.” Taeyong began. Both Doyoung and Ten were listening to the story while he got out his favorite soup pot. Yes, he had a favorite soup pot. That wasn’t weird. Anyway, he filled the pot with water before he set it on top of the stove to begin to boil. Then he turned to face his friends.

    “I almost left but I figured Ten at one point would end up on someone’s snap story throwing up. So I stayed awhile longer and just waited for you guys to find me to leave. I hadn’t even drunk all that much. I don’t know why you guys love to drink beer so much. That shit is foul-”

    “Hit the fast forward button to the good shit. I don’t need an entire narrative Taeyong. You know what we want to hear.” Doyoung slammed his hand on the table and Ten groaned. He finally lifted his head up and revealed his face. His poor little face. He had dark eye circles that reached the apples of his cheeks. Taeyong wanted to swaddle the poor boy in a blanket but he couldn’t do that. One Ten had done this to himself and two Doyoung would probably strangle him with the blanket.

    “Well I had finished my drink and I didn’t know what to do. I thought about looking for one of you. Then someone walked up to me. It was Yuta, He offered me a drink…” Taeyong trailed off and he fought hard to not smile as the memories of the night before came to him.

    “Keep going damn it.”

    “I wouldn’t take the drink because I’m not Ten,” Taeyong said and Ten grumbled something before he buried his head in his arms again. Taeyong began to slice the meat into smaller and thinner pieces.

    “He said ‘You don’t look like you’re having much fun. I want to change that’ it was so lame but there was just something about him. I think it was his smile.” Taeyong knew he had just begun to gush over Yuta. This was dangerous territory but he thought that it couldn’t hurt to just allow himself this. This one moment to let out everything he felt last night with no filter. Yuta wasn’t here to hear him gush over his smile or cheesiness.

 _This is okay_.

    “I’m literally puking. Keep going.”

    “So I’m just acting like I’m not into it and stuff but he just keeps smiling at me. He says all these incredibly lame sweet things. Next thing I know he’s moving in closer.” Taeyong’s voice came out just the tiniest breathless. It was just like the first time Yuta had taken the space between them and made it disappear in seconds.

    “He told me one of you told him my name. So...Yuta asked about me?” Taeyong’s brows knitted and he bit his lip. He was glad he had his back to his friends so they couldn’t see the soft blush that brushed over his face.

_He had asked about me._

   “Oh right, this was before I blacked out. So I sort of remember it. He came up to me and pointed you out from like a million miles away but I can spot you anywhere Tae because...because I love you so much you know? I’m really sorry about your ficus.” Ten’s eyes were sparkly with tears to come while babbled and Taeyong rolled his eyes before he chuckled.

   “You’re both taking me to IKEA this weekend. You both promised.”

    “Yes yes, you can live your premature dream of being the perfect housewife this weekend. Now you’re just getting to the good part.” Doyoung hissed and Taeyong sent him a frown.

    “I told you to stop calling me a housewife. I’d be a house husband. You wish I’d be your house husband. ” he huffed as he checked on the pot. The water had begun to simmer. He moved back to the sink to wash the veggies.

    “So as I was saying...he got closer to me. Like I was pressed against the wall and slowly...so very slowly he leaned in and he whispered something. We kissed.” Taeyong let the words fall from lips. They still didn’t feel quite real.

_Nakamoto Yuta kissed me last night._

_Yuta did a lot more than kiss me last night._

    “You literally sound like you’re a heroine from shoujo manga. I’m going to puke in the ficus if you don’t stop.” Doyoung pretended to vomit but he had hidden a smile on his face.

    “Don’t listen to him Taeyong hyung you sound so cute when you’re talking about your new crush.” Ten mumbled. He was more awake now than he had been before. He too had a smile on his face but he didn’t hide it.

_What?_

     Taeyong flinched at the words that came out of Ten’s mouth. It was like his heart had been taken a nice jog down the block and then tripped over the air and fell on its face. Hard. His eyes widen for a moment and he stood frozen for a second too long because his roommates noticed.

_Okay. So maybe this is dangerous. I don’t have a crush on Yuta. Last night was just really nice._

    “He’s not my crush. We only had sex. Besides I just met him…” he said. His words felt heavy on his tongue but they were the truth. Now he began to really wonder if he should tell his friends about what happened earlier this morning.

_Should I tell them about ..._

   “So you guys did fuck? I honestly didn’t think it actually happened. Knowing you I thought you guys would kiss and then end up just cuddling all night or some shit. I thought Jaehyun was drunk when he told me he saw Yuta leave with you” Doyoung clicked his tongue. Taeyong had finished chopping the veggies up and poured them into the pot along with the slices of meat. Once he was finished he turned to face Doyoung with a frown. His dark eyes fell on his friend and they held an infamous glare.

   “What's that suppose to mean? You think I can’t have a one night stand or something? Or that the great Nakamoto Yuta wouldn’t be interested in me?”

_Even though I thought that it hurts to hear it from  my supposed best friend_

    Doyoung seemed taken back by the real offense that Taeyong displayed with his words. He stared at him for a second. His brows were knitted in confusion but his tongue was ready to lash back out. Yet he held it back and tried to soften his words though his eyes were dark with anger that simmered underneath it all.

    “I mean come on Taeyong the last relationship you were in lasted nearly two years and it's been nearly a year since you broke up with-”

    “I get it.” Like a knife, his words cut through whatever it was that Doyoung was going to say. He didn’t want to hear it. His ears were so hot now he just wanted to go back to his room. He’d been around people for far too long. He wanted to be alone. But there was something that nagged at his chest.

‘ _Why did he have to bring that up? I’m not like that anymore. Last night and today prove it. He doesn’t know anything_.

    “I was different then. Besides you know how I….felt at the time,” he mumbled. He felt bad that he had spoken so sharply to his friend. But that didn’t ease the painful silence that hung above them for what felt like forever. This wasn’t how he wanted things to go. He didn’t want to think about that part of his life. This was a new chapter in his life that he had opened all on his own. He didn’t need to be that person anymore.

    Taeyong stood by the stove and stirred the contents of the soup in silence. His gaze didn’t move away from the ingredients that sank within the broth. His face felt warm but he blamed it on the heat from the oven.

    “So was it good? Cause like I hear all the time about how good of a fuck Yuta is but I think he’s kind of overrated. Like alright, he’s soccer captain, part of a fraternity and a total hottie. I just don’t think that would be fair to the rest of the world. I mean I already exist so you know the people can only handle so much.” Ten’s had finally sat up and spoken more than one sentence.

    Taeyong’s brows scrunched up as he stared at his favorite pot. He couldn’t decide between an eye roll or shaking his head.

_Why do I even have friends?_

    “I don’t think he’s awake yet. Did you just hear that nonsense that came out of his mouth? He must be fucking dreaming.” Doyoung rolled his eyes. Taeyong laughed softly at that.

    “So how was it? Please tell me it was horrible. I want to be the one to have the honor of spreading around the fact that Prince of Osaka sucks in the sack.” Doyoung’s mouth was curved into a fiendish grin that fit his soft features terrifyingly well. Taeyong was the one who rolled his eyes now even while his face became flush with heat.

    “It was really fucking good.” he mumbled as he stirred the soup.

     It had been insanely fucking good and Taeyong wondered when would something like that happen again.

* * *

 

     Today possibly if he could get away from his roommate. If friends may have had joked and teased that afternoon. But the fact that they called Yuta his ‘crush’ had frightened Taeyong. He didn’t want to be the one to catch feelings. That’s what Ten at least called it. Taeyong knew how easy it would be for him to fall for Yuta. He didn’t want that.

_I just want to have this. This simple and casual thing that can’t hurt me._

     What had been worse was when Doyoung brought up his ex. Just thinking about it brought a numbing ache to his chest. He couldn’t tell Doyoung that he was going to hang out with Yuta. Because then the idiot would tease him about. Then he’d tell Ten about it. Who join in on the teasing and ruin everything. Taeyong wanted to freed of his feelings. If it were up to his friend’s he’d be head over heels for the bag boy at the grocery store down the block.

_I’m okay now. It doesn’t matter anymore._

   “Are you going out?” Doyoung asked. He hadn’t even lifted his head up from his phone. He looked like he texting someone. Taeyong began to take steps towards the door.

_Just act natural. You’re just going out for some groceries._

   “Yeah, I’m just going out to pick up some-”

   “We’re out of coke. Can you pick some up? Thanks, honey see you later.” Doyoung waved as he dismissed his friend. Taeyong gave him a look over his shoulder. He hadn’t spared Taeyong not even a glance.

   “Yeah sure. Later. Stop calling me that.” he called as he sprinted out of the door.

 

     Taeyong tied his laces in the hallway and walked to the elevator with just the slightest more ease. If he hadn’t relaxed soon he was sure his at least one of bones would break from the tension in his body.

_I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just going to return some borrowed clothes. That’s a good deed. Then after maybe chill with Yuta. That’s perfectly innocent. We might now even hook up_

    Taeyong had walked into the elevator with wide eyes and his body grew tense all over again. After he hit the lobby button he slumped back against the metal wall.

_Fuck, what if he doesn’t want to hook up? What if he just thinks I’m dropping off his sweater. It’s not like I was super explicit. I didn’t even try to sound flirty._

     Taeyong tugged nervously at the sleeves of his sweater. His fingers disappeared within the fabric. His brows scrunched up and a new sense of horror settled deep within his belly. He looked down at his clothes. He had on another one of his baggy sweaters. This was one was deep maroon color but it was a bit on the old side. It even had holes in the sleeves where he’d slip his thumbs through sometimes. It reached just above his knees, his thin frame practically swam in the sweater. Taeyong grimaced at his faded skinny jeans. All worn out perfectly to wear on a lazy Saturday. He couldn’t bare to even spare a glance at his beat up sneakers. They were the first ones he had grabbed when he rushed out of the door.

_At least I showered this morning._

     Taeyong sighed and wished Doyoung wasn’t home so he could head back up and maybe throw on something a little sexier. If he thought before he wasn’t going to get any because he couldn’t flirt to save his life. Now, he knew he wasn’t going to get any because he liked to dress like a hobo.

_A comfy and warm hobo_

     There was a ding and Taeyong had made it to the lobby of the apartment building. He lifted his head and stared out of the elevator for a moment. He sucked in a breath and got out.

_I can’t go back upstairs. Doyoung would only get suspicious and that won’t end well. Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. So what if I’m not dressed sexy. Yuta knows what's underneath these stupid rags. So that's what should matter._

    Taeyong blushed to himself. He couldn’t believe he had said that even if it were just in his head. That night at the party it had felt like Yuta had mapped out every inch of Taeyong’s mouth with his lips. He knew exactly was what under his oversized sweaters and baggy sweatpants.

   The idea made Taeyong’s cheeks flush into the sweetest shade of pink but it gave him a stride to his step. Yuta was the one who asked him if he wanted to be friends with benefits. He had brought it up first. Yuta wanted Taeyong just like how Taeyong wanted him.

_He wants me. He wanted me that night. He wanted me after that. And after that too_

    Taeyong pushed through the glass door and stepped into the cold fall afternoon. The clouds were smudge with the darkest shades of gray while the air was heavy and wet. Taeyong groaned loudly.

_Why did I let Ten borrow my car this morning? Fuck I’m so stupid-_

    There was nothing else Taeyong could do but hurry along the street. The campus was about fifteen minutes by foot. If he ran he could dodge the second shower to come.

    Taeyong took another glance up at the sky and swore he saw the first drop fall. His eyes widen and began to take fast steps forward.

_Is sex really worth this?_

    Taeyong thought about Yuta’s lips and tongue on his body all over again and his eyes rolled back while he bit down on his lower lip. Of course, it was. He walked even faster just as the droplets began to fall and hit the crown of his head.

_Fuck me. Please fuck me. Because I swear-_

 

      It right around when Taeyong had crossed the Quad of the campus that it really began to pour down. It wasn’t just a drizzle or a misty rain. It was like water bullets that came down from the sky angrily and wanted Taeyong to know that the sky was fucking pissed. At him? Maybe. Taeyong was soaked. His sweater clung to his slender frame and his dark hair was plastered to his forehead. His feet squished horribly into his socks and shoes each time he took at step. He had lost count of how many puddles he nearly fell into.

      Yuta’s  frat house was only another hundred feet away. He could fucking make it. He had to fucking make it.

      The way his body trembled as he stood in front of the frat house was pitiful.  His skinny frame shook in the cold wisps of the wind that decided to join in the shit storm. He wrapped his arms around himself but it didn’t help at all. He jabbed at the doorbell because he didn’t want to dig his phone out of his pocket. It was probably wet too.

_Please someone answers this door. Should I call him-_

      Just as Taeyong was about to reach for his phone out of desperation the sound of the lock being open brought a flood of hope to Taeyong. As if he hadn’t already nearly drowned.

      Light poured in from the inside of the house onto the darken stoop. Taeyong could already feel the warmth of the house ghost his wet body. He wanted to so badly to bulldoze past whoever it was who opened the door for him and just get warm. But Taeyong had manners plus this guy who stood at the door was definitely not Yuta. He was at least a whole head taller and handsome in a completely different way. Where Yuta had more delicate features this boy was

     “Hey you okay there?” he asked and a voice smooth like butter. Taeyong would have appreciated more if he didn’t feel like a drowned rat.

_Fuck, why do I have to meet such a cute guy like this? Do only good looking people live here?_

      “Is...Yuta here?” he asked and hoped his voice hadn’t trembled as badly as his body did when the wind whipped around again. His teeth began to chatter and he felt something wrap around his wrist. His reaction had been too slow to realize that the boy had grabbed him and pulled him in.

     “You look completely soaked. How long have you been out there?” the boy asked with real concern in his voice. Taeyong was still shaking over the fact this strange handsome boy had just grabbed him like that. He could only glance back at the door as it was shut. He was no longer in the cold. The heat of house hurt as it began to thaw his wet and cold limbs. His clothes still clung to his tiny frame.

     “A while,” he murmured and felt the small bit of confidence he felt about half and hour ago lost. It must have been washed away in the rain. Taeyong looked down and grimaced over the fact that he was dripping all over the floor.

_This was a terrible idea-_

   “You asked for Yuta right? He’s upstairs I can go-” the boy looked at Taeyong and had reached to touched his shoulder but stopped midway. Taeyong’s eyes shifted to him and he wasn’t sure what was going on. But it didn’t matter.

    “Taeyong?” A voice called from the top of the stairs and Taeyong looked up and felt his body relax for about two seconds too long. His heart sank as he stared at the boy at the top of the stairs. Yuta was wearing a loose fitted tank top and a pair of soccer shorts. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was still damp. The light above backed over him and made him glow like an angel. His smile though was brighter than anything else in the room and that made Taeyong’s chest squeeze awfully tight. His breath was caught in between his chest and throat. He wished he’d just choke and get it over with.

_Fuck, If I didn’t look sexy before I know ‘wet rat’ look won’t get me any today-_

     He ignored the way Yuta looked happy to see Taeyong there in the foyer. Taeyong was a little too busy plotting his grand escape.

_If I run out now and catch the next cab home I can pretend like none of this happened. I don’t care what anyone says-_

     Yuta padded down the stairs so quickly it only took him seconds to reach the boys at the foyer. Taeyong felt himself take steps back towards the door. His body was tight with tension and his eyes just couldn’t meet Yuta’s eyes. The sparkled under the foyer’s light in an unfair way.

     It was like the world was smudged and blurred so that Yuta could shine brighter than anything else. Taeyong felt it. The sparks at the pit of his stomach when their gazes met for what felt like a tiny infinite but only lasted seconds. Taeyong couldn’t hold the shared gaze.

     “I didn’t know you got here already. You should have texted me I would have opened- Wait, did you walk all the way here from your apartment?” Yuta’s voice held more concern in it then Taeyong ever expected. It also sounded a little upset and Taeyong only shrunk under his gaze. Yuta held him by his shoulder and tugged him further inside the house.

     “I didn’t think you were that eager to see me again.” Yuta leaned down and found Taeyong’s eyes. He smiled. It was like it blossomed right there on his pink lips. Taeyong wanted to melt.

      He did melt. It began at his core that felt like it had frozen over in the last thirty minutes but Yuta’s smile had jabbed itself to the center and there was nothing but warm goo.

_Why, do I always describe myself like some caramel center chocolate ball? Probably because I’ve eaten enough chocolate through my life to be actually made of chocolate._

His eyes flickered away as he rolled them and his mouth cracked into a grin. There it was again. That stupid cheesy side of Yuta that managed to make him smile. Even when he was soaked and shivering.

      “Shut up, I didn’t know it was going to rain while I was on my way here.” he muttered and Yuta laughed before he let go of Taeyong’s shoulders and then took hold of his hand.

      “You still came, though.” Yuta cooed and pulled him down the hall and towards the kitchen. He glanced back at the boy who had actually opened the door for Taeyong and smiled.

      “Thanks, Youngho man!” he called out just as he yanked Taeyong to the bathroom in the hallway by the kitchen.

_Youngho? I guess that was his name. I feel like I should thank him even though he hadn’t done much. He was still nice. And really fucking cute-_

       Taeyong tried to steal a final glance back at the boy who lingered by the foyer. Their eyes met for about half a second. There was a moment when Taeyong may or may not have seen ‘Youngjo’ smile at him. He wasn’t sure his wet fringe was in eyes and he was pretty sure that boy hadn’t smiled at him.

_Why would he smile at me?_

      Taeyong had been so focused on the boy in the foyer he had hardly noticed that Yuta had pulled himself inside a bathroom. He blinked a few times and looked around before his wide mocha colored eyes settled back on Yuta. It was a pretty basic bathroom but-

     “Why are we here?” he asked and Yuta just leaned in with a fiendish grin.

     “Strip.”

     “w-What?” it was so unattractive the way Taeyong had sputtered the word out. Yet, he couldn’t help it when Yuta held the gaze of his. The one that tip-toed the line of friendliness and predatory desire. Taeyong gulped visibly and tugged at his soaked sleeves.

    “You can’t stay in those clothes. You’ll get sick. Strip, I’ll bring you something.” he said before he slipped right by Taeyong and tot he door. Taeyong’s eyes were so large they nearly bugged right out of his sockets while his heart was having a hard time keeping up.

    When it came to Yuta he was sure his heart would-would be either three beats behind or three hundred beats ahead in a second.

   “o-Oh right. But I came to return your clothes not to borrow more Yu-” Taeyong began in the blur of it Taeyong should have seen Yuta lean in. But he hadn’t so again for third, fourth maybe even fifth time in a short amount of time his eyes widen. Yuta’s lips pressed against Taeyong’s for a sweet kiss that only lasted for bitter seconds. It had only meant to be a tease of what was to come. Maybe even just a little greeting. Taeyong wasn't sure but that didn't matter.

      _Cinnamon._ That was the first thing that came to Taeyong's mind. Yuta's lips still tasted sweet like cinnamon and held the same enticing spark.

     It had only meant to be a tease of what was to come. Maybe even just a little greeting. Taeyong wasn't sure but that didn't matter.

     It was the perfect liquid fuel he needed. Yuta had pulled away and let the kiss sear over Taeyong’s lips. They ached horribly not because it had hurt but they had been deprived of this for so long.

_I want it. I want it so bad-_

     Taeyong grabbed Yuta’s shirt and held onto him with his small cold hands pulled him in for another kiss.

    Now, Yuta was the one whose eyes were huge. Taeyong’s hands cradled Yuta’s head as he kissed him harder and longer.

     Beautiful, dazzling, hot sparks. Smoke in his lungs. Candle lit pupils and raging forest fires. It was all of that and so much more. Because the first night, it was all new. Taeyong had never known what it felt like to be kissed like that. To have the life kissed out of you and then reborn all over again with a single flick of a match.

      Now, his body had been starved for days for this. For these kisses for their hot touches. For everything that was Yuta. He walked in the rain for this boy. He wanted him now.

      Yuta had not arguments because he kissed him just as hard as if he ache for him just as much. That fed the fire inside Taeyong. It could have consumed him then. Taeyong's hands dug into Yuta's hair and tangled themselves in the damp dark locks.

      Yuta had wrapped his arms around Taeyong’s body and didn’t care if he was cold and wet. He held him tight in his arms and kissed him.

      Taeyong pulled away this time and yanked Yuta back by his hair. He hissed and licked his kiss-stained lips. 

     "Taeyong," Yuta groaned softly.

      The fire stirred inside him and took hold of his limbs. Though it felt so right he couldn’t help but grin at Yuta who stared at him so shocked. As if he couldn’t ever imagine little Taeyong capable of doing this. He was capable of so much more. So much more than that dream. He was going to make it all into a reality. He licked his just kissed bruised lips before he spoke. His voice was a raspy whisper;

      “Do it for me. Strip me.”

**Ch.5 END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! I want to know what you're thinking. Your comments mean a lot to me and keep me motivated even when school tries to murder me.   
> love you guys so much   
> I will hopefully update soon if not I'm sorry


	6. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taeyong really can't catch a freaking break. Universe: 3 Taeyong: -3  
> Also someone might be jealous???? Who??? I'm so bad at these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning is in Yuta's POV in case anyone is confused. Also haha hello long time no see! This time I think I took less time. Again school still kicking my ass I've been working on this chapter for months. I'm so sorry. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. It really helps me stay motivated. I am trash Taeyongxeveryonelegalinnct

      “Do it for me. Strip me.”

      Six little words rasped out of a pair of dolly lips. Yuta’s blood rushed every which way but ultimately went straight down south. He stared down at Taeyong who held on to him so tight. His thin form that swam in the drenched clothes. It shouldn’t have been such an attractive look. But on Taeyong anything looked good. 

      Yuta’s hands pulled at the damp hem of Taeyong’s sweater.

     “You’re real fucking sexy when you take charge like that baby.” he crooned as he tugged the material over his head. Yuta’s eyes wandered over Taeyong’s exposed torso. His skin was warm even though he had just been in the rain. The flesh was smooth and fair under the bulb of the bathroom. Every beauty mark, freckle, and mole only looked so much more deliberate on his skin. As if they had been inked into the canvas of his body. The pad of Yuta’s fingers traced over his small hips. Everything about Taeyong always seemed so delicate and fragile. The way his hands trembled as he held onto Yuta. Taeyong’s fingers were so thin and Yuta could count the veins on his hand to his wrist. Though as he gripped the taut muscle of Taeyong’s forearm with his free hand he was reminded that Taeyong was more than that. Taeyong pressed against him harder. That wavering fear could not be found in his eyes now they were closed and ready for another kiss. Taeyong’s hands held him with assurance. Yuta knew the truth as he stared down at the flushed boy in his arms.

     Yuta knew it. Taeyong was art. All fine lines and delicate brush strokes. Vibrant colors from his dark coffee brown eyes to his rosebud hued lips. Careful hands had created this boy. 

     Yuta would take his time to destroy him.

     Yuta’s fingers dug dimples into Taeyong’s hips. He held him so close and tight their lower halves pressed against each other hotly. Taeyong was already half hard and Yuta couldn’t help but chuckle as he pressed a kiss by the shell of his ear.

     “I knew you were eager to see me. You wanted me, didn’t you? Did you remember the way I made you feel Taeyong? Did you miss that?” Yuta purred. His tone held this thin layer of danger. Yuta knew just how dangerous those words were. Yet he wanted to hear it from Taeyong. He wanted to hear Taeyong admit just how much he wanted him. How badly his body ached for him. Did he get off on his ego sometimes? Yeah. 

      Taeyong’s nose was dipped into Yuta’s nape and he took in a breath before he whispered against the warm skin.

      “I dreamt of you” he began so softly while his fingers braided through his hair. Yuta’s body grew hotter. He could not hide how turned on he had become. Taeyong felt it with a jerk of his hips. He groaned softly and continued;

     “I dreamt of the way you made me feel. In between my legs. Blowing me so fucking good. That was the first time you made me cum that night.” He felt the smile on Taeyong’s lips on his neck. 

     Taeyong’s voice was so deep. It rumbled so lowly, one would never think such a sound could come from such a pretty boy. He wanted to hear more of his voice. He wanted to hear it crack under the pleasure. 

      “Want you to make me cum like that again and again until you milk me fucking dry.” Taeyong’s voice drawled like honey. Yuta’s hands grasped for purchase over the boy. That was it. He had to do something, anything and everything to him.

       Yuta took him by the hips and pushed him against the sink beside them. His dark eyes raked over the boy who was too busy catching his breath to realize what was coming next.

     “Yuta,” he began but the words were caught in between their lips. Each syllable crushed to silence while their lips kissed harder. The heat of their kiss burned through their bruised flesh. Taeyong moaned and invited Yuta’s tongue in for a taste. He didn’t hesitate to slip his tongue inside. He was famished and the taste of Taeyong’s mouth was the only thing that could satisfy him. He groaned and licked, suck and nibbled at anything and everything. They kept going on it and their labored breaths began to fog the mirror behind Taeyong. Finally, when Taeyong grabbed the back of Yuta’s hair and yanked back with a gasp it ended for the moment. 

     Taeyong’s lips are so red. As if they were painted with the juices of the sweetest berries. Really it was just Yuta who made the boy in his hold such a lovely red mess. Yuta licked his lips and chuckled before he dipped his head back down and his lips kissed the corner of Taeyong’s mouth. 

     “Please, Yuta I need-” Taeyong whined and his hands grabbed at the fabric of Yuta’s shirt. He pawed at the material so needily Yuta couldn’t ignore him. Well, he could have but he wasn’t that cruel. His hands slipped away from Taeyong’s waist and he took his shirt off with a single swift moment. Tossed and forgotten his eyes laid back on Taeyong. Taeyong’s eyes hadn’t left him though. Those coffee brown eyes drank every inch of Yuta’s exposed chest. 

      “I think I was supposed to be stripping you, baby. We’re not done yet.” Yuta murmured with a smirk as he placed a kiss on Taeyong’s jaw. Their bare hot chests touched and it was enough to set them both on a forest fire of desire. Then greedy fingers played with the waistband of his pants.

      Taeyong’s hands met his and, urged him not to tease him any longer. Yuta complied and the pants pooled onto the tiled floor. Taeyong’s cock was restrained so tightly in his boxer briefs. There was a small wet patch in the front. Yuta’s hand could feel the way it throbbed against the fabric with desperate need. 

     “Babe you’re so hard.” he mused and squeezed Taeyong’s bulge so softly but it elicited such a loud moan from him. Yuta’s mouth was carved into such a treacherous smirk. Taeyong’s eyes though were nearly crossed with how high he was off of lust.

     “s-Stop.” he wheezed out as he pushed against Yuta suddenly. Yuta blinked and took an instinctive step back. It had been so sudden but Taeyong moved in closer.

     “I want to do something,” he began so softly that Yuta hardly heard him. Though he saw the beautiful blush that rushed over his skin. So he just stood still and waited.

     Taeyong moved closer and held Yuta’s gaze and it felt like the seconds lasted ages. The seconds between Taeyong being on his feet and then moving down. All the way down to his knees. Their gaze hadn’t broken yet thought exploded with sparks. Yuta swallowed as he stared at the doll on his knees before him.

     “Can I?” he asked as he hesitantly reached for the zipper of Yuta’s jeans. Yuta’s mind was submerged under the depths of lust and he could hardly form the words on his tongue.

     “Fuck, please Taeyong do whatever you want to me babe.” he laughed breathlessly. Taeyong’s mouth curled into a small smile. 

      _Lovely. His smile was even lovely when he’s on his knees_

      Behind Yuta, the doorknob began to turn. 

      _Did I lock the door? Oh shit._

* * *

 

      If Taeyong could recount all the mistakes he had made up until this evening he was sure that the first one was waking up. If he could restart the day he’d stay in bed and just beat the fuck out of his cock. Now, on his knees eye level with Yuta’s open zipper and the bathroom door wide open, he felt that regret. They hadn’t locked the, door.

     The sound of the door knob turning set the fire to shoot Taeyong’s heart out of a cannon. His wide brown eyes turned to look behind Yuta as the door began to open. His mouth parted in a strangled gasp it was the only part of his body that could move. He stayed rooted down on his knees. The tiled floor rubbed against his kneecaps and reminded him this was all actually happening.

     “What the fuck are you- Yuta! What did I tell you last time about having sex in the downstairs bathroom!” The voice rang loudly in Taeyong’s head yet the words felt like rocks through a food processor.

     “Youngho dude what hell can’t you just do me a solid this one time and like get out?” Yuta turned towards the boy at the door. He spoke in annoyed tone but it obviously wasn’t as big of a deal to him than it was for Taeyong. Taeyong glanced up at Yuta, his mouth agape and face contorted in horrified humiliation. He couldn’t see beyond the flush of his cheeks. It was like the world was colored in red too. 

     “Hey, is he okay?” he heard distantly. Taeyong’s body reacted before his mind could catch up and he struggled to move back away from the door. He used the one arm to push himself back and the other followed as he scuttled awkwardly across the floor. Once he reached the other end of the bathroom he pulled his body tight to him and became a human-like ball. His then hand reached for the shower curtain and ripped it over himself. 

    _I’m fucking naked on this grubby ass bathroom floor. Oh, Lee Taeyong how low have you fallen today?_

     “Shit. Youngho get the hell out of here you’re scaring him!” Yuta pointed out and Taeyong only felt like shrinking further in size. His heart caved in and flopped into the pit of his stomach. It churned violently and he was sure that at any second the tiles would be covered with the remnants of his fleshy organ. 

     Taeyong’s fingers curled tightly around the cheap plastic of the curtain. He hoped that he only looked half as ridiculous as he felt. 

      _Maybe I crawl out of the window and run back home. Then I can pretend like today never happened. I’ll just live in my room for the next five years. I’m sure by then_ this’ll _all blow over_

     “What? I haven’t done anything. Get him dressed. You better be out of here in like two minutes and in the living room so we can talk Yuta.” He heard the boy say in a deep and authoritative voice. Taeyong squirmed in place because now he realized that they were trouble. He had gotten Yuta in trouble for breaking a house rule. His heart jumped back into his chest but wouldn’t stay still. He took in sharp breaths and fidgeted his hands over his legs. 

      _Fucked up. I fucked up. I fucking fucked up. I really fucking fucked up so fucking bad. Fuck I fucking fucked fuck_

     It felt like his mind was overheating and everything again blurred in hues of reds and pinks. Though the sound of the curtain being yanked out of his grip deposited him back to reality. The wash of the fluorescent light bulb hung over Yuta’s head and he looked down on Taeyong.

     “Hey, are you okay Tae?” he got down on all fours in front of him. His face several inches away from Taeyong’s but he didn’t move any closer. Taeyong didn’t move at all.

      _Why does his voice have to be so soft? Like he actually cared_

     Taeyong felt his throat itch to answer by the words were like taffy in his gums.

     “I’m sorry,” he whimpered out. His dark brown eyes swam and Yuta sighed softly before he moved closer to place a hand on his head. Yuta’s slender fingers slipped through Taeyong’s damp locks repeatedly. He tamed the messy strands that fell over his eyes, pushed them back. The tips of his fingers kissed his forehead with each brush. If Taeyong was a cat he may have purred over the action. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a moment to find his breath.

     “Nothing to be sorry about the baby. It’s my fault for getting a little carried away and forgetting the rules. Though I can’t see how Youngho can blame me.” Yuta snorted and then gave Taeyong a cheeky once over. As if he still found him attractive while he naked and balled up. Taeyong wanted to shake him because he just couldn’t be serious. Then he continued;

     “I mean just look at you who’d be able to remember any silly rules when they’ve got you on your knees in front of them. I was really looking forward to what you were going to do next.” Yuta had smiled as he spoke but then it twisted into a dangerous smirk. Taeyong looked at him with his big chocolatey brown eyes and pink cheeks. Yuta moved in just the tiniest bit closer and while Taeyong so badly wanted to lean in too. He wanted to devour him. To taste every inch of him. But Youngho’s words were still spinning inside his fuzzy head so he stayed still.

     “Shut-Shut up Yuta. d-Don’t we have to uh...go talk to umm...Youngho?” he stumbled over each word that came out his mouth. His mind far too busy going over what Yuta had said to mind what noises he made. Yuta had been actually looking forward to what he going to do next.

  _Fuck, I really wanted to blow him too. I’m still kind of hard. Fuck me. Like seriously fuck me please_

 

* * *

 

     “So what have we learned today?” 

    /That blue balls is like a painful limbo/purgatory between what could’ve been some amazing bathroom sex and now a lecture about having inappropriate bathroom sex/

    “That you’re a complete nerd.”

     “Ye- No! Damn it Yuta this is the second time you’ve been caught having sex in the downstairs bathroom.” Youngho had caught Yuta and Taeyong in the bathroom about ten minutes ago. The two had taken more than two minutes to get out of the bathroom. Youngho had been ready to barge right in again to make sure they weren’t going at it again. But Yuta had first emerged out of the bathroom with Taeyong in tow. Taeyong walked with his head hung low and nearly buried in the back of Yuta’s shirt. At least he was dressed and Youngho was relieved because of that.

     Taeyong wasn’t sure how the president knew they were going at it in the bathroom. He only knew how to curse the universe because of course he would get caught on his knees. Not just on his knees but also he was just about to blow Yuta into another galaxy. Also on top of that, he just had to get caught by someone like Youngho. The unrealistically handsome president of the frat house. He felt like his skin would remain the shade of a ripe tomato for at least a week now. He continued to look down at his hands as he sat on the couch next to Yuta.

     Yuta, on the other hand, didn’t seem to give a single flying fuck that he had been caught. That was obvious to Taeyong, by the way, he sat with one leg crossed lazily over the other and his arm over Taeyong’s shoulder. Also the blatant ‘I ran out of fucks to give ten minutes ago’ expression. His bright eyes glazed over and lips curled into a loose frown.

     Taeyong lifted his head and chewed on his bottom lip before he released the abused flesh to speak up.

    “I’m sorry. It was my fault...I kind of started it but I didn’t know it was against the rules.” Taeyong’s guilt swelled in him like a balloon being filled with water. He just couldn’t let Yuta take all of the blame when he was the one who pushed them to go further.

     Youngho stared at the flushed boy. Their eyes held each other for about three seconds before he opened his mouth.

    “Next time there’s a party I‘d like you to remind everyone that,” Yuta gestured around the space and continued “is a safe space” the words were paired with air quotes and a matching sarcastic tone. Youngho rolled his eyes before he began again;

     “You know that's different. Besides, you know I don’t like being this way about the rules but the board has been all over me about this shit. We’ve got prospective students coming in this weekend so we can’t have high schoolers walking in on you getting sucked off.” Youngho explained with a sigh. Taeyong only sank further with guilt.

     /Oh my gosh what if minors had seen that? Actual kids walking in on me naked on my knees blowing Yuta! Oh fuck I need to go drown in a bucket of holy water./

     “Also Taeyong,” Youngho’s eyes fell back on the boy who nearly squeaked out of his seat. Instead, he sunk back and maybe moved closer to Yuta for moral support.

      “I appreciate you trying to stick your neck out for this loser.” That was followed by an insulted ‘Hey!’ from Yuta but Youngho barely spared him an annoyed glance before he continued.

      “But you don’t live here so you don’t know the house rules. Unlike this schmuck here,”Youngho reached out from where he stood and gently shoved at Yuta’s shoulder.

       Taeyong knew that he should have felt the balloon of guilt deflate into relief after that yet it still was there in a smaller form. A baby water balloon that wiggled around in the bit of his stomach. His fingers tugged at Yuta’s sweater. While they were in the bathroom in the process of getting dressed Yuta had given him his sweater. Well, he told him to just wear the one that Taeyong walked through the rain to return. His shirt was still damp and smelled funny so Taeyong could hardly stand the thought of putting it back on. So he hadn’t argued and shrugged the oversized garment and quietly enjoyed its warmth. It smelled like a mixed between species and spring air. Which was odd but comforting as he stewed in his seat. 

      “So...I can come back...right?” Taeyong hated how meek his voice came out. He also was mad at himself because of how scared he was of this possible outcome.

       Why did t matter if he couldn’t come back to the frat house or not? It wasn’t like he could only have sex here. But Taeyong knew for a fact he was not ready to bring Yuta to his apartment. The mess that would happen as soon as Doyoung found out was just way too much to even think about. Taeyong could already hear Doyoung yelling at him within his own skull. He sighed inwardly.

       Youngho gave him a funny look while he pushed his long fringe back and nodded. If Taeyong hadn’t been so nervous he may have appreciated just how attractive that simple move was. Youngho’s dark brown hair looked so silky as it hung over his eyes and even sexier pushed back.

      “Yeah you-”

     “Of course, don’t worry Tae we don’t do life bans for bathroom quickies.” Yuta rubbed Taeyong’s arm and smiled at him. He leaned in and placed a kiss on Taeyong’s cheek and mumbled the words ‘silly boy’ over his skin. Taeyong had been convinced that it was impossible to feel his skin burn so hotly all over again Then he heard Youngho do that awkward cough people do when they’re forced to watch PDA.

      “Yeah, so um don’t do it again. This’ll be your first warning Taeyong so you’re good. Yuta though if you get caught again I‘m gonna throw you over your balcony.” Youngho warned and stretched his insanely long limbs. Taeyong sighed in true relief and finally let his own limbs relax. It felt like the tension that held them would have broken them too.

      “Whatever, Youngho now are we done here?” Yuta huffed and pushed himself up off the couch. His hand reached back and waited for Taeyong to grab it.

       Taeyong lifted his eyes and stared at the hand for a second. It just hung there and waited for him to take it slowly he lifted his own hand to meet it. Their fingers touched and Taeyong’s head told him to pull back but his fingers slipped in between the spaces of Yuta’s fingers. It didn’t feel as bad as his brain thought it would. Yuta felt his hand and gave him a tug to pull him up on his feet. Taeyong struggled for a moment but then stood beside him. Youngho walked towards the stairs and away from the two with a dismissive way.

     “So, have you eaten Taeyong? Its pretty early but you walked here right? You gotta be starved. Come on I’ll make you something.” Yuta spoke so quickly the words ran circles inside of Taeyong’s head. He could only nod as he was being pulled away from the couch and then through the hall.

      _So he can cook? I didn’t think he’d be able to cook. Most college kids can barely make themselves a sandwich. If he really can cook then the universe is truly unfair and biased for creating a perfect specimen like Nakamoto Yuta._

     “Do you usually cook?” Taeyong asked as he took a step into the kitchen. The words that wanted to follow up felt stuck on his tongue as his eyes wandered around the kitchen. It was a fairly large room that was fully equipped with newish appliances. 

      _Wow, so this is luxury huh?_

     One thing Taeyong always thought about when he imagined his dream kitchen was steel everything. He believed that steel kitchen appliances, cabinets, counters, etc just looked so classy. Everything looked a lot cleaner and modern when it was made of steel. He felt himself gush internally as he looked at the fridge that was twice the size of his own. Then they went to the steel island that had a coffee maker on top of it along with a decorative plate of fruit. 

     Though in the midst of all the steel appliance beauty was a boy sat at the island with a cup of milk. The boy was in a basketball uniform that clung to his sculpted form. His skin glistened under the kitchen’s light. Taeyong swore he saw a single drop of sweat slide down his neck as he tilted his head back to finish his cup of milk. It was like something out of a high-end sports commercial. Or a really cheesy teen drama. Taeyong’s eyes widen because he hadn’t expected to see Jaehyun here.

    _Right. He did join the fraternity in his freshman year. How_ the heck did _I forget about that? He’s the reason we all were invited to the party last week. Oh fuck-_

    “Oh, Jaehyun did practice end early?” Yuta asked as he walked towards the fridge. Taeyong’s feet moved about a second or two later his eyes still on Jaehyun. His lips felt lopsided as they held a grin. He sucked in a breath as he took several steps closer while Yuta went over to the fridge.

       _Always as handsome as ever. I can’t believe the marshmallow of I boy I knew turned into this_

     “Yeah, I did because of the storm. Coach didn’t want us to get lost in it before next week’s game.” Jaehyun answered and then turned to Taeyong. “Hey, Taeyong hyung I haven’t seen you in awhile.” Jaehyun’s eyes brighten up as he took in the form of the small male. Taeyong’s lips failed to hold the grin any longer instead they split and spilled a laugh. Jaehyun had a thin milk mustache over his upper lip.

     “It has been a while but it seems you still haven’t changed.” Taeyong’s hand didn’t hesitate to reach out and brush over Jaehyun’s upper lip to wipe the milk away. His thumb rubbed right over Jaehyun’s cupid bow. An action that had become second nature to him over the years. Jaehyun’s eyes crossed as he tried to look down at Taeyong’s finger and his lips parted. A whine came from him.

     “Oh, come on hyung you can’t do that stuff anymore I’m not a baby.” Jaehyun laughed bashfully while he brushed his hand through his damp locks. Now that he was closer Taeyong noticed just how tight the wet clothes held onto his limbs and torso. The way the tips of his fringe dripped onto the bridge of his nose. It took everything in him not to march him into the nearest shower.

      _Had he been caught in the rain too? Has it gotten worse?_

     “Old habits die hard Jaehyun. Hey, did you walk here from the gym in the rain? You should go change out of your uniform already and take a shower. Are you trying to get sick?” Whenever the switch labeled ‘mom friend’ went on and it was hard to switch it off. Jaehyun’s fair skin flushed in a light shade of shame. Then another shade lighter in amusement.

     “I see you haven’t changed at all either hyung.” he chuckled and stretched his arms out. Taeyong ignored the way the muscles in his arms flexed with ease. He didn’t come here for a show. At least not this show in particular.

     “Do you guys know each other?” Yuta asked. Taeyong hadn’t even noticed when he had turned to the both of them. He smiled at them that awkward smile people do whenever they feel excluded. Taeyong’s chest felt tight for a moment and lips made to make any noise in the form of words.

      _This is weird. Why does this feel so weird?_

     “We use to live next to each other. Taeyong’s like two years older than me. He’d use to babysit me when I was like 10 years old. Which was kind of a joke because he wasn’t all that much older than me but my parents were obsessed with how responsible he was. They wanted him to rub off on me.” Jaehyun chuckled and leaned against the counter. His eyes hadn’t even looked in Yuta’s direction as he answered. Taeyong felt two pairs of eyes on him and he fought not to walk all the way out of the room backwards.

      _This feels a lot weirder now. Ha-ha someone please help me_

     “As I recall I was your favorite babysitter. I let you play video games and made you cookies with chocolate milk you brat.” Taeyong laughed and Jaehyun followed suit. He felt warmth begin to rub at his chest. It felt like he hadn’t seen Jaehyun in so long. The semester had been pretty crazy. Taeyong had his classes on top of dance, work and dealing with life at home. Jaehyun had the fraternity, basketball team and top of being an accounting major. They certainly only ever saw each other sparingly on campus. So maybe this was their moment to spend together granted by the universe at last.

    _Maybe. But I came here to see Yuta, not Jaehyun._

     “Yeah, you were the best. Until I was a freshman in high school and you continued to baby me in the halls. Jeez, do you know how many times Ten teased me? Don’t even get me started on Doyoung.” Jaehyun muttered as he shook his head but his lips still were formed into a smile. The smile on Taeyong’s mouth couldn’t be hidden either. Again it felt like the warmth inside him glowed under his chest.

     “So childhood friends? That's pretty cool I didn’t think you knew anyone here Taeyong. Should have figured though last week’s party was invite only. I’m guessing this kid was your ticket in?” Yuta turned back to the fridge and rummaged through it. His voice was cooler than the air that spilled through the open door. Taeyong’s eyes lingered on his back as he felt his gut tie itself in tiny knots. He laughed very softly and nodded.

      _Why am I laughing? It doesn’t even feel like a laugh just noise coming out of my mouth._

     “Yeah. I mean really I only went cause Doyoung and Ten dragged me there but if it weren’t because of Jaehyun-”

     “Right! I saw you at the party. I was gonna come over to say hi but then I saw you going up the stairs with-” Jaehyun began to with a smile but Taeyong saw the dots connect in his head. He saw it all in his eyes. Those soft brown eyes that held the brightest lights were clouded with what looked like disappointment? He groaned inwardly while his insides shriveled up in knots.

      _Fuck. I had hoped he wouldn’t mention a thing but-_

    “Yuta hyung! You didn’t bring him up to your room did you?” Jaehyun’s voice broke awkwardly as he yelled. It sounded just like the way it would crack in high school. Taeyong would’ve loved to laugh over it but he couldn’t bring himself to make any noise. Taeyong again for the billionth time that day wanted to shrink to the size of an ameba so he could just disappear.

    “Hm? Oh did you just figure that out? Mad I fucked your babysitter?” Yuta turned back towards them. He held an entire raw chicken in his hands while he smirked at the both of them.

      _Should I find him this attractive while he holds a dead animal?_

    “Don’t say it like that. You make it sound so much worse that it is.” Taeyong muttered and pushed his hand into his face so he wouldn’t have to watch whatever came next. He wasn’t sure if his skin was hot anymore. His hand felt so sweaty against his forehead that he’d given up.

    “What? I’m just saying it like it is. I fucked your favorite babysitter. Jealous?” Yuta’s mouth was curved into a grin sharper than any knife in the room. Jaehyun’s mouth though was pulled into a tight frown and then he nodded.

     “Kind of”

      _Someone, please fling me at the sun._

**Ch.6 END**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you thought of this chapter. I love reading all of your comments! I'm going to try harder to post after this semester is over. So again please forgive me school legit wants me to die.


	7. Hearth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This sort of thing doesn't matter to you does it?"
> 
> "Does it have to?"
> 
> Yes, it does. But maybe that's not a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is word vomit I came up with around like 2-3am. I feel like this came out of nowhere but it's important. I think for this moment on things will change in a positive way. So I hope that you enjoy the chapter. Sorry, I was gone for a bit but school is over so I will work hard to update more often.

     

      If Taeyong had to pay someone to throw him through the earth’s atmosphere and beyond every planet in the solar system until he landed on the sun he would. He stared at Jaehyun with eyes so big they may as well have taken over 75% of his face. His mouth though was busy hanging open.

    “Kind of? Wow, I was kidding when I said that but you’re actually jealous?” Yuta had been the one to cut the silence. He looked like he was trying to hold back a laugh but it was obvious by the mirth in his eyes how funny he thought all of this was. Jaehyun shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. Taeyong hadn’t moved at all. His bones were petrified and made of marble. He could just become a decorative statue now for the frat house. He was sure that he lost enough life years through his day that it wouldn’t matter.

     Jaehyun’s eyes wandered around the kitchen until they fell on Taeyong for fleeting seconds before he turned to look at Yuta.

     “I said kind of. This is coming out weird and it probably is but in high school when I was figuring things out I found you really cute hyung,” he mumbled and Taeyong watched the visible blush spread over his fair skin.

    Jaehyun had always been a fair skinned boy and whenever he was embarrassed it was obvious by the red blush that colored over his skin. Taeyong had always found that endearing about the younger boy. Now though Taeyong wasn’t sure if he what he should think.

    “So did you have a crush on Taeyong or-”

    “Oh no, it was more like I wanted to bang him in the locker room showers kind of thing,” Jaehyun explained and Taeyong felt the world tilt. Or was that just his vision before his legs were going out.

    “What?!” the was the first thing that came out of his mouth. It sounded like a mix between a strangled screeched and frighten pigeon noise. Taeyong’s face was contorted in horror and painted over in flames.

    “I’m sorry but it’s true! I never said anything because I knew you’d react like this but it came up now. And now I’m mature enough to say it because it’s not a big deal. I’m not the only one whoever thought about you in the showers hyung.” Jaehyun’s voice reached a higher pitch and he tried to cough it back to normal. Yuta though was cackling while he held onto the chicken.

     Taeyong gripped onto the counter for support because he knew that he wasn’t going to get any from anyone in the room. His eyes rolled back and sucked in a breath.

_This is all a little too much right now. This boy right here is telling me he and other guys wanted to fuck me in the showers in high school. Okay, so why didn’t anyone ever deliver?_

   “I think I need to sit down…” Taeyong finally murmured after he let his mind process everything that had just thrown at him. He felt like he was pelted with big rocks and he just needed a second to relax.

   “I don’t see why you’re so surprised Tae. You’re fucking hot I’d do you in the soccer team’s shower anytime.” Yuta said with an awfully dirty smirk. It would’ve been a lot more attractive he wasn’t holding an entire dead skin in his arms.

   “The basketball team’s showers are better,” Jaehyun added as he went to place his cup in the sink. Taeyong let his head fall on the counter with a soft thud.

     _Still too much…My head feels like its gonna tip over it feels so heavy_

   “Yeah? Well, why do you still smell like sweat and last season’s jockstrap? How about you go take a real shower before I show you just how good the soccer team’s showers are.” Yuta had placed the chicken on a plastic cutting board and grabbed a knife from one the drawers. He held it inappropriately high as he threatened Jaehyun. Jaehyun made this little face, the one when his eyes widen a bit and his lips stretched into a grimace. It was normally comical but Taeyong was busy counting the lines on the counter to see or care that his old friend was being threatened with a knife.

    “Alright jeez I’m going and I don’t know what you plan on doing with that chicken but let Taeyong help you. If Johnny finds out, you wasted that chicken he’s gonna string you up from your balcony for sure.” Jaehyun said and swiftly dodged a falling knife fist as he ran out of the kitchen.

    “Like I care what that limp noodle says!” Yuta yelled at the retreating basketball player. Taeyong at this point couldn’t ignore all the yelling and lifted his head up. He stared at Yuta and his knife with a perplexed expression. Was he concerned? Mildly but his mind was still trifling through high school memories. How many boys he knew back then and who exactly had wanted him like that?

    “Hey, why are you so surprised a goober like Jaehyun wanted to bang you?” Yuta asked. He didn’t even try to beat around the bush. He went straight for the kill with that sharp and large knife of his. Though he moved back to the cutting board and chicken he waited for an answer. Taeyong sighed and searched for his voice.

    “I just never thought...no one ever said anything. I always thought that I was a late bloomer and a lot of people were just looking for other early bloomers. At least that’s what it felt like so I just you know did my thing. I didn’t dwell on the fact that none of those boys ever looked at me the way I wanted them too. Maybe I was too busy looking at other boys to see the way those boys looked at me. Maybe if they had said something things would be different...I would be different...you know?” Taeyong began with a sigh and then it was like he vomited the words that swirled around in the pit of his stomach. Then his voice had dropped because he could feel it there in his nerves. The memories and feelings that he pushed down and drowned until they were nothing but washed out memories and feelings.

     _If I had done something...something like what I have with Yuta sooner would have it hurt as much as it did with-_

    “Probably. Though you’ll never know...though I think there’s a reason why nothing happened then. Maybe you weren’t ready...not like the way you are now. If I could go back, I’d probably tell myself to wait a little longer before I dived into sex and all of that. I was not mature enough to handle all the responsibilities and consequences that come with sex. Though it was because of those mistakes I’ve learned a lot and now stand here about to bake you a chicken after we got caught in a middle of a quickie.” Yuta shared his own word vomit but his voice was so much more steady than Taeyong’s as he spoke. As if he had these thoughts before and had time to think about them. This was something that Taeyong didn’t think he would learn about Yuta.

     _Should I ask him...I just never thought that he would think about all of the ‘responsibilities and consequences’ of sex ...everyone says he’s just another horny jock but-_

   “Do you take sex seriously?” Taeyong asked and he knew the question sounded like a dumb trick question but he couldn’t stop himself. Yuta was skinning the chicken and he glanced up at Taeyong and smiled. It was a strange smile because Taeyong knew it wasn’t a happy smile it was sort of smile that a person gives when they don’t know what else to do with their face.

     _I messed up now. I fucking fucked up now. He’s gonna hate me now-_

    “Of course I do. I know I say things like “it doesn’t have to matter” but who am I kidding? These things matter to some extent. Consent, safe sex and mutual pleasure between my partner and myself are all very serious to me. I don’t like just sticking my dick in any tight hole and pounding it until I bust a nut. Sex is more than that in my opinion. It's an experience to share between two people. It should feel good for everyone. It should be built on shared feelings whether they’re romantic or purely lust. I think about sex a lot and not just when I’m horny. I think about the way sex influenced my life and the people I sleep with. I know this sounds weird but this is why I like being actual friends with my partners you know? I feel like this is how I can be sure that I like having sex with them. Which probably doesn’t make sense to most people because all the care about if they cum or not but tell me that you don’t feel something between us. Something so natural and explosive that it might scare you a little bit.” Nothing that came out of Yuta’s mouth was what Taeyong had expected.

     Taeyong gulped so loudly it was like the sound competed against his heartbeat.

      _He feels it too? The fire that scorches through my body whenever he touches me or even looks at me...when we kiss it feels like a flame takes me from within and nothing but a wildfire in his arms_

     Taeyong nodded his head and Yuta’s lips curved into a smile. It wasn’t sharp but the lights in his eyes were far more dangerous than the knife in his hand. Because Taeyong felt that spark under his flesh and he wanted him.

      _I’ve wanted him all day long_

     “I-I didn’t think you felt the same way,” Taeyong whispered. He surprised the words even made it out his mouth. It had felt like the roof of my mouth was glued to his tongue. The words had scraped through and came out like puffs of dry air. His eyes laid on his fingers that rested on the counter. His skin felt so warm he thought that he would forget how it felt not to be constantly red. Yuta chuckled but it was a dry sound. As if he only did to fill in the silence or to make it seem like he didn’t care. It obvious he cared and Taeyong cringed.

      _How did we get here? I thought we were just supposed to be friends who occasionally fuck. He isn't supposed to feel this too...he isn’t right?_

    “Did you think I was some heartless whore? The last thing I’d want is to catch feelings or something along those lines?” Yuta asked and Taeyong again could only nod. Because those vicious words that followed people like Yuta were all that he had.

      _I know I’m wrong when I look at his eyes. That he isn’t that person but maybe it's easier to tell myself that so that I won’t end up hurt._

     “I only thought those things because the very first night you asked “does it have to matter?” isn’t that code for “let's just have sex and nothing else”?” Taeyong knew he was getting defensive but why did it suddenly seem like now he had said something wrong? How could he have known that Yuta felt the same thing he did?

      _I shouldn’t-I shouldn’t have said that but- I’m scared I’m so scared right now_

     Taeyong hands fell onto his thighs and he began to claw at his pants. He dragged his dull nails over the cotton of his sweat pants. He focused on the scratchy noise because if he listened to the silence between them he knew he was going to crack wide open.

     “I only said that because I didn’t want to lead you on. Anything could have happened from that moment and you agreed that nothing had to matter. But the next day I asked you to be my friend-”

    “Correction you asked to be friends with benefits with me.” Taeyong’s were like smaller knives that came in out of nowhere. His voice was sharp and he knew that if he didn’t control himself he’d lose it right here in the kitchen.

      _Why is this happening? How did this all start- I don’t want to fight-_

     “You’re right. I did ask you to be friends with benefit with me. Why? Because I felt that connection between us. I couldn’t ignore it I didn’t /want/ to ignore it. It feels good, doesn’t it?” Yuta asked and Taeyong wished he’d just focus on the bare chicken on the counter. His gaze was so heavy on Taeyong he felt weighed down at his seat. His body wanted to fold in on itself but he held his bones straight. He couldn’t crumble in front of him. Again. Taeyong hated the way his entire being was like a house of cards or a tower of Jenga. One mistake and he’d come tumbling down every single time.

       _just breathe...breathe...just fucking breath_

     Taeyong couldn’t pull together words so the silence suffocated him. The air felt thin as his Yuta had stolen it all and wouldn’t give him any until he answered the question. Yuta’s mouth was twisted into a frown. As if frustration now was building inside of him and he slammed his hand down on the counter. The sound of his palm smacking against the counter made Taeyong flinch so hard he could have fallen out of his chair. Taeyong gripped the edge of the counter tightly. So tightly his knuckles were bled of all their color.

     “Do you like sex Taeyong?” Yuta asked his voice so hard as he spoke. The question had come so out of left field that Taeyong thought it hit him over the head. His eyes widen and his lashes fluttered wildly while his mouth gaped open and close before he sputtered;

     “Y-Yeah I like it...but why-”

     “It matters because you're supposed to enjoy every part of sex because if you don’t then what’s the point? What’s the point of wasting your time and someone else’s time if there is no enjoyment if there isn’t even one stir of passion or emotion? I have a heart and it tells me every single time I kiss you that you’re special. You are like an ocean of pure white fire that wants to drown me and burn me alive all at the same time. I’m not afraid to tell you that because it matters. It matters to me that I feel this when I touch you and you feel it too.” Yuta now had abandoned the chicken and knife. He twisted around the counter and stood beside Taeyong. His hand grasped Taeyong’s shoulder and he wanted so badly to disappear. Taeyong cast his eyes away from Yuta because he was shaking.

      _What does any of this mean? Why is he saying these things- Nothing is supposed to matter-?_

     “You’re scared, right? Scared of these feelings ...scared of me right now?” Yuta asked and his voice was so soft that Taeyong almost let himself be tricked into looking in his direction.

      _Don’t let him fool you- you’re gonna get hurt- again_

    “i-I don’t understand you. You said none of it has to matter but why are you saying these things now?” Taeyong sucked into a breath after the words came out. He had to know. He had to know what any of this meant before he bolted out of his seat and all the way home. He knew that if he didn’t at least give him a chance to explain it he’d regret it.

_Because I feel it every single time. It scares the fucking hell out of me but at the same time, I want to just dive right into it. I want to lose myself in the flames and dance in them._

     “It doesn’t have to mean anything. It could also mean everything. Don’t you get it? We can just enjoy this together. The feeling we share between our bodies and the way we feel when we’re just talking...all of that and it doesn’t mean we can’t be just friends or more. We can be anything we want whenever we want. Or we can be nothing at all. This is why I like sex. This is why I take it so seriously. Do you get it?” Yuta whispered and leaned down as he took Taeyong’s chin with his fingers. He made him look up. Taeyong’s eyes were swimming and all he could see was Yuta. Yuta under the kitchen lights and pools of doubt and fear. Yuta was under all of that and called to him. Promises of goodness, happiness, and pleasure were what he saw but he was still so scared.

_I thought I understood this before when I agreed to this...I told myself this...I can just enjoy this. I’m a point in my life where I can do that...I want to do it...but I’m still scared but if Yuta feels the same way then maybe it’s not as terrifying. Nothing has to matter but everything can matter too...it’s our choice._

    “I like it. I like it a lot...the way I feel when you touch me. It feels like you’ve doused me in gasoline and lit me on fire with your mouth and hands.” Taeyong whispered so quietly it was as if he mouthed the words. But Yuta had heard every single one of them. He smiled and leaned in placing a kiss on Taeyong’s lips. The bruised fleshed welcomed the kiss and Taeyong melted in his seat as they kissed. Their lips melted together with so much ease that it took Taeyong by surprised. It was so easy to kiss Yuta and wade in the feeling that cruised through him. The heat that injected itself into his veins and diluted his senses.

      _This is mine...this feeling...this goodness and happiness is mine. It’s okay to feel this way to share this with him because he feels it too_

     Their lips parted when the air was so thinned out that Taeyong’s brain wailed loudly within the confines of his skull. He breathed in deeply but all he got was more of Yuta. Yuta’s lips were barely millimeters apart of his own. They shared the breath together and Taeyong laughed. It was choked but it greatest way.

_If that even makes any sense...but none of this probably does but it does to me-_

     Yuta kissed his lips again it was just a peck. A smile against another smile.

     “Are you trying to kill me? I feel like I can throw my heart up right now.” Taeyong whined. His heart had been squeezed so terribly tight he hadn’t felt it beat for what felt like 26 seconds. That could have been just because he forgot how to involuntary breath.

      Yuta laughed. It was so airy as if he hadn’t been weighed down by the conversation at all. Taeyong gulped and waited for the unshed tears in his eyes to go back where they came from. His bones felt like jelly in his body and he wanted to slip off his chair onto the floor.

      _Today has been too much and I haven’t even gotten fucked yet._

     “That was a lot huh? Today has been a lot for you hasn’t it baby?” Yuta cooed and combed his fingers through Taeyong’s hair. Sure, they probably smelled like raw chicken but Taeyong invited the comfort that came with the gesture. He nodded his head.

     “I was sure you hated me like twice just now and it hasn’t been an hour…” he murmured and Yuta leaned in placed a kiss on his forehead.

     “Hate you? Why? Everything you said was warranted...I know that I’m hard to trust because of my reputation but we are friends first and the benefits come second. I want you to know who I am Taeyong and what type of person I am. I won’t ever hold back and I hope you won’t either.” Yuta murmured as he placed another kiss on Taeyong’s cheek and then another on the bridge of his nose.

      Taeyong made a soft appreciative noise at the kisses. He loved the gentle touch of Yuta’s lips on his face. Every kiss felt so honest and personal like small gifts from Yuta to Taeyong.

     “I won’t hold back...ever again” Taeyong whispered and with that he coiled his arms around Yuta’s waist and yanked him closer. His eyes were open there was something in them that danced with flames.

    “Now, in honor of my new promise, I’ve got something to say.” Taeyong began. His voice rasped slowly and his lips brushed over Yuta’s chin while his fingers slipped under the material of Yuta’s pants.

     “I’ve been wanting you to fuck me since this morning. I’ve walked through the cold rain to feel your big cock inside me fucking me until I forget my own name. I’ve been through every possible form of embarrassment and mortification today. Twice. If you don’t take me upstairs and pound me into your bed like the first night, we met I will fucking throw that raw defrosted chicken at you.”

     Taeyong was tired of playing games.

 

Ch.7 END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you're confused at all please let me know. I feel like this chapter was a bit of a risk but I felt like this needed to be addressed. Taeyong and Yuta aren't the typical "friends with benefit" pairing. Please leave comments I love to hear what you guys think!
> 
> Thank you for all kudos and comments I've gotten they mean the world to me.


	8. Sugar and Spice Everything is So Nice (for once)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, finally, finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you guys go I know you've been waiting for this. I'm sorry I'm terrible at smut but it was eventually gonna happen.  
> I hope you enjoy it and the last bit of the chapter too. This is the longest chapter I've written in awhile legit I've been working on this sense I last updated like same day. Also I'm sorry if my lining for the idents is off AO3 doesn't like cooperate with me.

             

              There had a been a moment after Taeyong spoke there was nothing but silence. It hung heavily between both men. Then just as Taeyong thought he royally fucked up Yuta had scooped him out of his chair and held him up in the air. Taeyong gasped but his lips had been taken. All he could do was attach himself to Yuta. In those moments Taeyong couldn’t recall how long it took both to get from the kitchen up to the stairs. It was worse than a foggy blur. All those seconds came together as one and melted into nothingness because they were kissing. The entire time their lips were on each other kissing with fevered motions. One moment Taeyong had his fingers curled around Yuta’s hair while his legs held onto his waist. Then the next his lips were on his stealing every necessary breath. He wanted all the air that Yuta managed to gulp and grasp in between kisses.

             The voices told him to leave him completely breathless. _Just like the way he makes you feel the instant his fingers brush over your skin. Make him beg for it. Just like the way you do when he’s pushed you to edge and you want to fall. Make him scream for mercy and kiss him to hell for asking._   Because he deserved it and he wanted to give it all to him. Every single thing he had inside of him Taeyong wanted to give it to Yuta.

             Taeyong was unleashed. Every single ounce of the pent emotion of everything. Everything he felt from the moment he woke up in the morning from that dream. The terrible ache he felt deep down inside him that only called for Yuta. The horrible embarrassment he endured with Youngho and Jaehyun. and the sweet gratification of his guided epiphany. All the frustration, fear, doubt and horniess balled up together created this hungry animal in Yuta’s arms.

            _I want him. I want him. I want him so badly all I want is him in between my legs_.

            “Baby,” Yuta gasped out loud once he pressed Taeyong against his bedroom door. He had sucked in a big breath but dived in and took Taeyong’s neck under his lips and teeth. Taeyong’s fingers scrapped at the back of Yuta’s neck and his hips pushed up against Yuta’s body. He rolled his hips again and again until the dry friction between their bodies was practically smoking. Neither of them held back in their actions. Yuta’s teeth tore at the supple flesh of Taeyong’s neck. The marks he may have laid earlier were nothing compared to the bruises of crimson, violet and indigo that bloomed under his tongue.

            Taeyong was a work of art that Yuta had stolen. He’d taken him for himself and painted over the beauty of his manilla canvas with vibrant colors of his own.

            “Yuta,” Taeyong groaned over the kisses on his adam's apple and the way Yuta’s fingers dug into his hips as he held him up. More bruises to show that Yuta had been there and he had remastered the work of art that was Lee Taeyong.

            “Beautiful,” Yuta breathed over his collarbones “You’re so beautiful,” he licked lines over his protruding bones before he used his legs to hold Taeyong up against the wall.

            “Take it off. Everything. Take it off” he said and their hands worked together to pull Taeyong’s (Yuta’s) sweater off.

             _Hot, hot, hot everything is on fire and he tastes like he’s made of fire whiskey. He feels like someone dropped a lighter on him. An explosion of fire whiskey_

            “You too, off, take it off. I want to touch you.” Taeyong whispered but his voice was lost in the moans that followed. His bare chest was taken by Yuta. Yuta licked over the planes of his chest and then dipped down to his nipples. The dark pebbles were so hard and aching to be touched. Taeyong mewled so loudly when he felt the hot wet muscle run over it. He didn’t even have a chance to think about being ashamed before Yuta took the bud in his mouth, and began to suck on it so hard.

            “y-Yuta-” his name broke over his tongue. The syllables stuck in his throat as he tried to understand the fire that consumed him.

             It wasn’t there to be understood. It was there to be felt. It was there to be experienced between their bodies and Taeyong got that. He finally got that as he let the flames take him.

             Yuta had carried him away from the wall dropped him on his bed. Taeyong looked up at him and reached for every article of clothing he could grasp. If he could he’d tear the fabric apart and let its shredded remains slip off Yuta’s body. That wasn’t necessary because their fingers were so good at working together they manage to strip Yuta right down to his black boxers. They hugged Yuta’s hips so nicely but even better was the way the fabric strained over his bulging cock. He was hard. He was so hard Taeyong wondered if he had been this hard since what occurred in the bathroom.

_I did that...I fucking did that_

           “You always stare at me with those big lovely eyes of yours. They’re so beautiful but I know what you want...you want all of this don’t you?” Yuta hand fell over his crotch and he squeezed his own cock and groaned out loud. His voice was everything. It was deep and throaty it made Taeyong tremble on the bed but he nodded his head.

            “I want all of it...I want your cock in my mouth..fucking it so hard...I wanna suck on it until you cum inside my mouth…” Taeyong’s voice drawled like honey as he spoke and inched forward so he was eye level with Yuta’s crotch. Something about this seemed familiar but now he was sure (97% sure) that he would get what he wanted this time.

            “Fuck, I’ve wanted to make a mess of this pretty little face for a while...do you want that Taeyong?” Yuta crooned but it was deadly because his words weren’t empty promises. Taeyong knew it, by the way, he gripped onto his dark locks and held him in place. He wanted it. Yuta wanted to make an absolute mess of Taeyong. And Taeyong wanted it too.

            _More than anything._

          “Please,” he whispered as his fingers curled under the waistband of Yuta’s boxers and tugged them all the way down. Yuta managed to kick them off and there he was naked in front of Taeyong. His cock hung. It was so hard and swollen the tip wet with precum.

           _How long has he been this hard? Why hadn’t he said something?_

         “Do you see what you do to me Taeyong?” he whispered as Taeyong sat on his knees and began to lean in. His bruised lips brushed over the tip and his tongue poked out. He lapped over the wet slit and hummed at the salty taste of the pre-cum. Yuta’s grip on his hair tightens and hissed.

          “I make you this wet…and... this hard...so fast” Taeyong whispered over the head of Yuta’s cock and looked up at him with a smile. The smile was so wicked that it made all his angelic features pale. Yuta’s eyes couldn’t leave him.

          “You want me this bad,” he cooed as he moved in further and nosed the base of Yuta’s cock before he ran his tongue over the throbbing vein. Yuta’s mouth gaped open and he let out a loud moan that Taeyong hadn’t expected.

          Taeyong loved the way Yuta didn’t hold back. He didn’t hide the way Taeyong made him feel in the slightest and the pride that swam through his veins alongside with the pleasure. The pleasure that bubbled like lava in a volcano that could explode at any moment.

          “I want you so bad you have no idea baby,” Yuta growled lowly his eyes locked onto Taeyong. His eyes were two dark vats of tar that Taeyong found himself sinking right into. He didn’t even struggle or fight the way they pulled him down to the depth. He didn’t need to fight it. He just needed to open his lips and take Yuta’s cock in his mouth.

         “Tell me how bad you want me,” he said before he parted his rosy lips open and took the head of Yuta’s cock in his mouth first. He swirled his tongue around the head before he took any more of Yuta’s length in his mouth. He moved slowly as he took more in until his mouth was completely full. The tip of Yuta’s dick rubbed the back of his throat and Taeyong moaned around the girth of it. It felt so heavy and hard on his tongue.

         “Fuck, Taeyong I-” Yuta tries to begin but his words are crushed into dust and instead only a deep drawn out groan comes out of his mouth. Taeyong started to move his head nice and slow, sucking around Yuta’s length long and hard. The lewd noises that followed from both of them. The slurping and sucking noises made Yuta’s skin tingle because they were so beautifully dirty. He loved the way Taeyong’s tongue worked so hard and well around his cock. At the same time, Taeyong’s eyes hadn’t left him. He wanted to watch Yuta crumble under his touch. He wanted to see him burn alive again against his tongue.

         “You’re so good, fuck Taeyong you’re good...faster please faster” Yuta’s words fell from his lips like drops of jewels for Taeyong. The praise made his eyes light up and skin hot. His stomach tightens so terribly tight and he felt his cock throb under the layers of his pants and boxers.

          _Fuck, why am I still wearing these?_  

         Taeyong began to move faster. Up and down he moved his tongue around and sucked on the tip as it dripped more precum on his tongue. He hummed over the taste and Yuta cursed lowly each time. He looked down at Taeyong and stared at the way his dolly lips stretched around his cock. He loved the airbrush hue of pink that colored his cheeks and how hungry his eyes still were.

         Taeyong’s eyes told him /This is just the beginning/ and Yuta believed him.

         “I can’t wait to fuck you, baby. I miss the way your tight little hole feels around my cock, the way you take it so well. It’s like you were made to take cock…The way you’re taking me in your mouth like it’s all you ever wanted to do. You want me to fuck your little mouth?” he asked and his rocked his hips right into Taeyong’s mouth. Yuta’s cock hit the back of Taeyong’s throat hard and the boy on his knees moaned out loud. His entire body was on fire. His cock was throbbing and twitching in between his legs he could feel a wet patch form against his boxers. He was so wet and turned on. The way Yuta talked to him made him feel like his body was being touched by a thousand matches. One by one each burning him alive.

              _I’m so fucking turned on. The sound of his voice...the filthy words coming out of his mouth...all of it...someone please help me I’m fucking going crazy but I want more I’m so greedy for more...I want all of it...all of him_

            Yuta held the back of Taeyong’s head and only gave him about half a second before he pulled his cock out of his mouth. Taeyong felt a whine tickle his throat but he was silenced as soon as Yuta rocked his hips into his face and thick long length right back into his mouth. Taeyong’s head would have fallen back from the force but Yuta held him in place. He felt the head of Yuta’s cock hit the back of his throat so hard he let out a small muffled cry.

            It felt like Yuta’s fingers were digging into his skill with how tight h was holding Taeyong now. He cried and moaned around his length with every single violent snap of Yuta’s hips. He loved it. The bruising force that made him shake so much he had to hold onto Yuta’s thighs just so he would fall to pieces on the bed was everything. It made fresh tears blur Taeyong’s vision but he moaned louder as Yuta pushed in further and fucked the back of his throat like no one else.

             He stared up at Yuta with those glassy brown eyes and they looked so heart wrenchingly beautiful. They begged to be ruined with the lust that called to Yuta.

            “You like it, don’t you? The way I’m fucking your lovely little mouth. You look so hungry, baby? Are you ready? I’m not if you are...look at your tears baby,” Yuta growled and pulled his cock out of Taeyong’s mouth so slowly. Taeyong mewled as he was left empty again. But the head of Yuta’s cock tapped his cheek and stained it with pre-cum. He moaned softly and licked his red lips. His dark eyes were half lidded and he looked at Yuta’s cock like he was starved. He hadn’t gotten enough.

            “What do you want baby? Come on tell me…” Yuta purred while he palmed the base of his cock with one hand and brushed the free-falling tears from Taeyong’s face. He moved closer and pushed his cock against Taeyong’s face. He rubbed it over his lips and glossed his lips with more pre-cum. Taeyong gave a small whimper before he flicked his tongue out and licked over the head like the end of his favorite lollipop.

            “Cum... I want you to cum in my mouth...I want to taste you...can I? Please,” Taeyong’s voice was so small and breathless. It was as if all the fire inside him absorb the oxygen he desperately tried to breathe in and kept it for itself. It fanned itself with his oxygen until all that was left was a boy on fire on his knees begging.

_I sound like such a needy little slut... but I want it so bad. I need it now...it feels like if I don’t get it right now I’ll lose it..._

            Taeyong couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way. Did he ever feel this unwavering, unrelenting and unapologetic kind of desire? He didn’t even feel this way the very first night with Yuta. He had been afraid of the fire that consumed him. The fear now seemed so foolish it was simply his own desire finally being satisfied. Now, he let the flames dance within his chest and burned fiercely under Yuta’s gaze.

            This fire was free within him. It was a wild thing inside him.

            He wanted it. He asked for it. He was going to get it.

            Yuta smiled down at him. He was so beautiful to Taeyong. So wonderfully and frighteningly beautiful. He thought for a moment that he had to be a devil. Only a devil could make him bathe in rivers of fire and love it. Only a devil could smile so wickedly down at him and be gorgeous all at the same time. Plus who had teeth that perfect without cutting some crossroad deal?

           “You are so precious Taeyong. You asked so nicely I can’t bring myself to say no to you baby,” he murmurs and grips the back of Taeyong’s head again. Taeyong’s spark up like a firecracker that was lit with a match. He was going to explode very soon.

            Yuta’s movement was just as sharp as before but Taeyong could tell by how jerkish his hips were that he was getting close. So painfully close and Taeyong just wanted to get him there. Taeyong wanted to get him at the very edge of bliss and push him. As Yuta pushed his cock further into his mouth and fucked it thoroughly Taeyong worked his tongue around it as hard as he could.

           “I can’t wait to fuck your tight little ass like this, only I’ll take my time…Every single time you’re just about to fucking cum I’m gonna slow down and make you beg for me to fuck you harder and faster. I’ll have you a weeping mess before I let you cum baby ...” Yuta groaned and bucked into Taeyong’s mouth faster. He was just so closer. Taeyong moaned over the words and he felt his mouth shake with anticipation. His cock throbbed again and ached to be touched but he wanted Yuta to touch him. He wanted Yuta to be the one who made him cum.

            Taeyong hollowed his cheeks around his length and gave a soft hum. His tongue grazed over the pulsing vein again and again. Yuta’s hips gave small spasms and he gave a small cry and his fingers were so tight around Taeyong’s hair. Taeyong swore he’d end up bald and he just whimpered but that was it. Yuta’s body jerked forward and his cock twitched violently in his mouth before hot cum poured down Taeyong’s throat. It kept coming until Taeyong’s cheeks were so full that it leaked out of the corners of his mouth. The milky substance dribbled down his chin and neck staining his skin. Taeyong’s eyes fluttered wildly while his eyes watched as Yuta rocked through his orgasm.

            It was _erotic_ the way Yuta’ body curved forward and his hips pushed out. The way cum dribbled out the slit until he was completely milked. He had thrown his head back and cried out _/Taeyong_ so loudly that everyone in the frat house now probably knew his name. Taeyong’s eyes drank up the view before him. It was all Taeyong could see. It was all he wanted to see.

            Yuta leaned back and his chest caved in and out as he tried to grasp breaths of air. Taeyong licked over lips and settled back down on his knees. His eyes remained on the soccer player.

            _He looks so fucking good like...spent like he can hardly breathe_ /

             “Are you sure you can fuck me now? Slow and nice...turn me into that sobbing mess you promised. You look so worn out now babe…” Taeyong’s voice was soft yet sharp in the words that came out of his bruised mouth. The way his mouth shaped the word _babe_ was enough to spark something up inside of Yuta’s eyes. It tasted so sweet on Taeyong’s tongue. He had never called anyone babe before. Not even his ex-boyfriend.

            Yuta sucked in a breath and sets his eyes on Taeyong. They are so dark and far from satisfied. One by one if felt the strings of his heart cut off as the seconds passed by and they held each other’s gazes. Taeyong’s breaths came in short as if by the power of Yuta’s stare, he could not find it. Yuta’s eyes looked starved and the only thing they wanted to devour was Taeyong. Taeyong gulped and hardly had a second to think or say anything before Yuta pounced on him. Taeyong’s back hit the bed and his legs wriggled weirdly until they were laid out under Yuta’s body.

            It only took Yuta seconds to have Taeyong trapped under him. He leaned over him for a second before diving down. Yuta flicked his tongue out and licked the cum stains on Taeyong’s mouth clean. Taeyong mewled softly and leaned up wanting a kiss. Yuta pulled back with a sinister smile.

            “How did you like it? The way I fucked your pretty mouth and filled it up? It was almost too much for you baby…” Yuta growled and grazed his teeth over Taeyong’s earlobe. Taeyong trembled under him and felt his cock throb badly inside his sweatpants. Yuta’s fingers had lowered themselves and tugged at the stretchy waistband.

            “Yes, fuck you taste so good.” Taeyong mewled while his hips grinded up against Yuta’s limp cock. He was determined to get him hard all over again.

            Taeyong wanted him to know how badly he needed him right then in that moment. He needed to know how badly his body ached for his touch. Yuta needed to know badly Taeyong wanted him to give him the release he’d craved for since the night before.

            “Yeah? Is that why you swallowed me up so nicely? I knew you were hungry Taeyong…” he chuckled over his jawline. Yuta groaned as Taeyong continued to push his up and gyrate them with wild hot friction.

            “You’re so fucking hard baby, you want it don’t you? You want me to fuck you through these sheets?” Taeyong nodded his head again and again so fast. His mouth parted and he moaned wantonly a Yuta rutted his hips down on him. His hands grasped for the tangled sheets under him and his body curved violently against Yuta.

            “I want it I want it I want it so fucking bad Yuta please-” he whimpered out. His voice was caught in between small moans and groans as Yuta discarded his sweatpants and underwear at last. Their bare bodies were pressed against each other hotly and Yuta’s eyes found him again. Taeyong stared at him with unquestionable desire. He liked his lips before whispering

            “Kiss me,” - _Kiss me like you do. Kiss me and set me on fire again and again like you always do_ / Taeyong’s dark lashes fluttered slowly between the seconds Yuta took before he dipped down and captured his lips.

            It was like that for awhile. Taeyong couldn’t tell you how long because a person couldn’t measure the time of true pleasure between two people. Everything beyond their bodies melted into nothingness. All that mattered to them were the spark-filled kisses and hot touches. Taeyong’s nails scraped long lines down Yuta’s back as he moaned against his mouth. Yuta had claimed his mouth, neck, and chest again.

            Taeyong gave a soft whine and pushed his hips up against Yuta’s body. He couldn’t take it any longer. His lower half was in pain over how badly he wanted it.

            “Yuta, please-” he began in between breaths as Yuta dropped kisses down his stomach. Yuta lifted his head up and looked at Taeyong.

             “What’s wrong baby?” he asked as his hands held him by the hips. He stilled Taeyong’s movements and looked at him with a wicked smile. Taeyong whined and tried to wriggle out of his grasp but Yuta’s grip tightens and held him down.

            “I can’t wait any longer Yuta. I need you to-”

            “Before that Taeyong you know I take prep very seriously. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Yuta said, he released one of Taeyong’s hips while his hand fished around the sheets for a bottle of lube.

    `       _Does he normally just have a bottle laid in the bed?_  

            “You’ll get what you want baby...eventually,” he said with a feline-like grin as he squeezed the pink lubricant over his fingers. Taeyong watched with wide eyes that burned with anticipation.

            _I just hope I don’t cum while he’s-_

            Yuta set the lube aside and then looked at him with a devastatingly handsome smirk. His lips were so pretty and bruised but he curved them with an ease that lured Taeyong. It told him _Now, it begins_ ’ as if everything before this point was nothing. Taeyong felt his insides melt into jelly and the man hadn’t even touched him yet. Yuta’s other hand brushed down his hip to his thigh and he urged Taeyong to spread his legs open.

            Taeyong obeyed and his legs came open for Yuta. Yuta smiled at him it wasn’t so wicked as before. It was the sweet smile he usually had on his lips that made Taeyong’s insides flutter wildly. As if there were birds inside of his stomach flapping their wings freely. Yuta held on his thigh with his free hand and rubbed it gently. Yuta kneads the tender flesh and Taeyong mewled _Yuta_ again and again. Yuta sucked in a breath as he watched Taeyong tremble under his touch. His eyes caught sight of the way his cock twitched and throbbed as it laid on his lower stomach. Pre-cum dribbled out of the slit and onto his smooth skin. Yuta wanted to lick him clean but instead, he squeezed Taeyong’s slender thigh again and moved his fingers close to his puckering hole.

            “You’re still hungry huh baby?” Yuta asked taunting Taeyong as he touched the rim of his hole. The teasing touch was more than enough to make Taeyong push his hips up needily and gasp out loud over the sensation. The lube was cool and he could feel the way Yuta used the tip of his finger to rub against the rim slow and nice. He bit his lip and closed his eyes.

            “d-Don’t tease me like that Yuta- I can’t take it-”

            “I’m not teasing baby. I’m taking care of you. I don’t want you to get hurt” he purred as he plunged the first finger in and it was like an electric shock jolted through Taeyong’ body. He curved his body upward and gave a small squeak before he let his body fall back on the bed. He bit down on his lower lip again and waited for the sting to fade. It wasn’t that bad but it always took him a second to adjust and now more than ever his body was so sensitive he could hardly take it at this point.

            Yuta moved his finger in and out at a steady pace. He drew louder moans from Taeyong with every finger he pushed in. The second one came and it didn’t hurt but he could feel the way Yuta’s expert fingers began to stretch him with ease. Taeyong’s breaths came in short and all he could think about was the fact that he was so close. He was so close to getting what he wanted.

            _Fuck, I’m so close...just have to hold on…._

            “You’re doing great beautiful,” Yuta cooed as he pushed in the third finger and began to thrust all three inside of him at the same time. Taeyong pawed at the sheets restlessly. His body wriggled around and he whined shamelessly.

            “Want it...want it...want it…” his words barely made it out of his mouth because Yuta’s fingers continued to move in and out of him so quick and easy. But each time Yuta only brushed the tip of his middle finger against his prostate and Taeyong wanted to scream out of frustration.

            “What’s that baby? I didn’t catch that-”

            “Yuta!” Taeyong cried out. Yuta had pushed his fingers straight into the bundle of nerves and Taeyong’s body had stilled for a second far too long. His eyes had shot wide open and his mouth parted to let out noises he didn’t know he was capable of making. His cock was painfully throbbing and slick with precum his stomach was so tight from holding back. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment but he couldn’t make out what the was looking at through the tears. His big brown eyes were like glass and his lips quivered.

            _He meant it. He meant it. He fucking meant it_

            The tears spilled as Yuta pressed against his prostate and rubbed the spot so good. Taeyong clawed at everything violently while his hips bucked frantically and tried to ride Yuta’s fingers.

            “Wow, you look so cute Taeyong. Riding my fingers like a desperate little slut…” Yuta murmured as he watched with great fascination. He licked his lips while he smiled before he pulled his fingers out and held back a delighted chuckle. He busied himself with the condom and lubing his hard cock again. The little show Taeyong had put on was more than enough to make him hard all over again. As he finger fucked him he couldn’t stop thinking about how it’d feel to fuck him again and again until the bed rocked into the wall. Taeyong was busy too. He whined and cried in absolute frustration at Yuta.

            “Yuta please- seriously please I can’t fucking wait it hurts Yuta-” Taeyong blubbered and lifted his head up to look at him. Taeyong’s face was completely flushed scarlet red and a thin sheen of sweat glittered off his forehead where his fringe was matted down to. His eyes were so dark and swimming with fresh tears. His lips wobbled as he spoke and his breath couldn’t catch up with the rest of him.

            A mess. He was an awful beautiful mess. Yuta drank up the vision of him and crawled over him to pin him back down on the bed. His hands caught free falling tears and his lips kissed over his pretty cherry red lips smiling. _Beautiful. Beautiful, Beautiful_ / Taeyong heard whispered and he gave a small sob as he body quaked with greedy devastating lust.

            “I’ll make it better Taeyong baby” Yuta hushed Taeyong’s whimpers as he moved and lined his cock with Taeyong’s hole.

            Taeyong’s eyes were bleary but they stayed open and his breath remained his throat as he waited. Finally, after the rain, embarrassment and everything in between it was finally going to happen.

            “Ready baby? I’m-”

            “I swear to everything in my life and yours I will fucking kill you if you don’t fuck me with your cock right fucking now.” Taeyong hissed.

            Yuta took a fucking a clue and began to push his cock inside Taeyong. Taeyong felt the head of Yuta’s hard cock enter inside him and his body wanted to twist and writhe as he was stretched even further. Yuta held him close and still. Yuta looked down at Taeyong and held him in his gaze. At one point Taeyong’s eyes had opened and instantly their gazes had met. His lip parted as if to speak but all that came out was soft moans. Yuta was moving so slowly it was driving him crazy.

            “Faster Yuta I can take it,” he said and though his voice was breathy his tone was determined. He just wanted it. Yuta saw it in his eyes so he nodded and pushed in further until he filled Taeyong to the hilt. Taeyong’s eyes had fluttered closed again and he relished in the feeling of being filled again. There was something so good about being completely filled with good hard cock and he just couldn't describe with words. Mostly because he was too busy moaning like a whore.

            “Fuck, you’re still so tight Taeyoung” Yuta groaned as he took a moment to enjoy the way Taeyong’s walls held his cock tight. He looked down at Taeyong who was licking his lips and grasping at the sheets. His body curved upward again and he grabbed Yuta by the back of the neck and pulled him down for a hard kiss.

            “Fuck me. Fuck me now,” he whispered over Yuta’s lips before he let him go. Yuta licked his lips and let out a laugh before he whispered;

            “I really like it when you do that. Get all demanding...it’s so hot” he said as he pulled his cock out slowly and watched as Taeyong deflated over the feeling. He smirked right before he snapped his hips back and pushed his cock in again with a great force. Taeyong moaned out loud because Yuta had been so close but not close enough. Taeyong grabbed at his arms and dug his dull nails into the muscle and urged him to do it again.

            Yuta’s movements were slow and hard. He wanted Taeyong to experience every push, snap, buck and thrust he gave. He wanted him to feel his cock drilling into him and drown in the feeling. Taeyong felt it all. He loved it. He wanted Yuta to thrust into him harder each time. Taeyong scratched and cried out again and again for more.

            “You’re gonna lose your voice if you keep screaming my name like that baby.” He teased as he thrust in deeper and harder but faster. Taeyong felt the body shake and he wanted to say something back but he bit his tongue over moans and mewls that wanted to steal his words. Noises he didn’t know he could make again and again came. Screams and cries poured out of him and his body trembled violently under Yuta. It was like his entire world was experiencing an earthquake and he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want it to stop.

            “y-Yu-ta!” he sobbed each syllable out as if his tongue couldn’t wrap around them because a moan pushed ahead. His mind was lost and his body was found. Everything was felt and it was wonderful. Taeyong’s body was bed of fire fed by Yuta.

            _Close, close, close, I’m so close I can’t hold it-_

            “Yuta, Yuta, Yuta” he sang brokenly like a song. Yuta looked down at him sweat dripped down his forehead and his dark eyes still lit up everything around them. His mouth was parted as he gasped out breaths in betweens groans and thrusts.

            “I know Taeyong, I know don’t worry I’m gonna make you cum so hard,” he smiled and Taeyong wanted to scream. He was just so beautiful. His smile was perfect it belonged on magazines and billboards. He shouldn’t be thinking about that when he’s getting fucked though. So, he licked his bruised lips and nodded. He knew Yuta would bring him there.

            Yuta began to thrust faster and harder. He held Taeyong’ legs up rested each one of his shoulders. The entire time he groaned and moaned over the feeling of Taeyong’s tight hot walls clamping down on his cock and it made his head dizzy with sweet pleasure. He knew he was stretching poor little Taeyong so much but it felt amazing. He pushed in deeper until he found the spot that made Taeyong call his name out like it was his fucking job. _Yuta, Yuta, Yuta_  He yelled and pounded the bed with his small fists. His face was wet with tears and sweat. He looked so beautiful as he lost himself to lust. _There, There, There_  he repeated and Yuta obliged.

            Taeyong’s body twisted and he held onto anything. The sheets, pillow, bed and Yuta. It felt like if he didn’t hold onto something he’d fly away. His body was burning so hot he couldn’t take anymore. Yuta only drove his cock in deeper and he hit his prostate mercilessly. He felt his eyes roll back and his mouth couldn’t stay close. “Yuta!” His hips jerked violently and he let out a drawn-out moan and came. White hot cum came out and splattered over Yuta’s chest and dripped down his cock and stomach. His body bucked and curled wildly as he rocked through hi blissful orgasm until he fell limp on the bed. The only movement that came from him was from his breath. It was heavy and fast but his eyes were shut and his limbs were like wet spaghetti. He almost missed the way Yuta had rocked into him and called out “Fuck, Taeyong” as he came inside him. He whimpered soft moans as he felt Yuta’s hips move jerkily inside of him. Yuta hunched over him and matched his heavy breathing.

           “Fuck,” Yuta gasped out as he lifted his head and his lips curved into a smile. Taeyong’s eyes were still shut but he felt the smile seer his burned skin.

            _Fuck indeed_

 

* * *

 

 

            Yuta had fallen on top of Taeyong like a heap of bricks. His limbs for a moment resembled noodles and at that thought, his stomach growled loudly. He blinked a few times and then laughed. His lips brushed over Taeyong’s cheek as he tried to pull himself up.

            Taeyong’s body was so hot and sweaty, cum stained his lower stomach and drip down his inner thighs as his limp cock lay there milked dry. The rest of Taeyong also resembled a bunch of cooked spaghetti thrown on the bed.

            _Fuck I must be hungry all I can think about is pasta..._

            Yura ran his hand down Taeyong’s chest and just right above Taeyong’s belly button that earned him a weak shiver.

            “I don’t think I’m alive anymore. You’ve murdered me with your dick.” Taeyong whined and curled in on himself. Yuta stared at him before he barked a laugh.

            “What? Oh, my-” he continued to laugh as he tried to get himself out of the bed. His legs were tangled in the sheets but he managed to do it without falling. Taeyong’s hand though grasped the sheets and pulled them closer to his body.

            “Hold on I’ll be back,” Yuta had finally calmed down and grabbed the first pair of sweatpants he found on the ground (along with the used condom he tied up after he pulled out of Taeyong). It didn’t matter which one he picked because they both belonged to him. Taeyong had been wearing his clothes. Again. He wondered if he should get used to the idea of Taeyong wearing his clothes.

            _He looks really cute in them._

            Yuta smiled and walked into his bathroom and tossed the condom into the trash bin. After he washed his hands he ran one of the many small wash cloths he kept under the sink under warm water. He knew for a fact that Taeyong wasn’t gonna get up from that bed anytime soon. He also knew that it was a pain in the ass (haha) to clean up dried cum. He wrung out the small blue cloth and walked back towards his bedroom.

            “Hey Taeyong are you hungry?” he asked as he neared the bed. Taeyong had his eyes closed but he knew he wasn’t asleep. Taeyong opened them after a second of what looked like deep thinking.

            “Yeah,” he murmured and closed his eyes again but they snapped open when Yuta lifted the sheets. He let out something between a squeak and squawk which Yuta found hilarious. But he tried not to laugh because he knew if he did Taeyong would curl into a tight human shaped ball and remain like that for at least an hour.

            “I’ll get us some food after I do this,” he sides as he began to wipe the cum that covered his lower stomach. He saw the way Taeyong shivered at the touch of the wet cloth but didn’t bat his hand away. He moved the clothed down lower and he heard Taeyong whine but he just gave him a soft grin. He continued to wipe the cum that dripped down his flaccid cock and inner thighs until he reached his hole. It was mostly clean because Yuta had used a condom but there were drops probably from Taeyong’s climax and he wiped it all clean.

            “There, you rest now and I’ll get us something to eat” Yuta leaned down and placed a kiss on Taeyong’s head. He smiled at the small boy who grabbed at the sheets and pulled them over his head.

            “Adorable,” he said as he turned and walked out of the room. He dumped the rag in the hamper before he closed the door.

            Yuta didn’t bother wearing a shirt because well his housemates were used to it. No one complained so he figured they all secretly enjoyed the view or didn’t care. He didn’t care anyway. Nothing could touch him after good sex. He could feel that afterglow sex just beaming through his warm skin. He probably smelled like it too. He’d need a second shower today.

            The trip down the stairs was a breeze Yuta had been busy thinking about what sort of food he should grab for them.

            _I should’ve asked him what he wanted...should I go back?_

            Yuta wondered but he was practically at the kitchen door and shrugged the concerns away. He’d pick up something simple and maybe order take out when he got back upstairs.

            The kitchen door was open and he could hear the sound of knives against a chopping board. The scent of seasoning and greens tickled his nose. He took a step in and felt some instant regret. At the kitchen counter Youngho and Jaehyun with the chicken.

            _Oh right I did leave that chicken out on the counter...whoops_

            As soon as Yuta stepped inside of the kitchen both pairs of eyes zeroed in on him. Jaehyun’s gaze was light and he had a passive smile on his face as he skinned the fat off the chicken. Youngho, on the other hand, stopped his actions as his gaze laid heavily on Yuta. Youngho’s brown eyes were narrowed down and his lips twisted into a frown.

            Yuta didn’t understand why Youngho was in such a bad mood since the morning. He wasn’t usually like this and for a moment he felt some corner pinch at his chest.

            “Seriously Yuta do you want to annoy me today?” Youngho said and Yuta’s concerned burst like a bubble. His eyes rolled back and went towards the fridge to grab a couple of water bottles. He wasn’t about to let that sour puss ruin his mood.

            “You can’t bring me down right now Seo, I’m in too good of a mood.” he grinned at the pair. Youngho now rolled his eyes and took the knife back in his hand.

            “I can’t believe you just left an entire chicken on the counter like that. Next time we’re doing groceries it's coming out of your pocket.” Youngho grumbled and slammed the blade against the board with such a force that Yuta was sure he’d cut through the thing. He pursed his lips out as he stared at the two of them cook. Jaehyun had finished skinning the fat off and began to stuff the chicken with the vegetables that Youngho had chopped. If one of them hadn’t found the chicken as soon as they did it probably would have gone bad which would have been a waste. He did feel about that.

            “Okay, I’m sorry about the chicken. I really planned on cooking it-”

            “You cooking an entire chicken? Haha, I’m glad you left now. We really saved it from going to waste.” Youngho barked out a laugh and Jaehyun chuckled alongside with him

            “Aye, what are you trying to say? You think I can’t cook?”

            “Hyung, we know you can’t cook. Were you just trying to impress Taeyong hyung right? You should’ve just let him take care of it. You would’ve embarrassed yourself.” Jaehyun snickered as he continued to stuff the chicken carefully. Youngho continued to laugh as he began to clean the counter.

            “Is he still here? I bet if you cooked for him he’d run all the way back home in this storm.” Youngho jabbed his thumb towards the window as he chuckled and shook his head. He wiped down the counter and ignored the way Yuta’s dark brown eyes glared down at the both of them.

            _How dare they question my skills! Taeyong would’ve liked whatever I cooked-_

            “I don’t know what your issue is today Youngho but I’d tell you to get laid but I guess it’d be pretty hard to do,” Yuta said with a tilt of his head and his mouth curved into a smirk. The same smirk he had on when he joked around with the boys in the locker room. Cocky, conceited and downright arrogant.

            “And why is that Nakamoto-”

            “Cause you got a big stick up your ass.” Yuta shot back and moved through the pair to the cupboard where all the snacks were. He opened it and grabbed whatever his hands touched.

            _I don’t even want chicken anymore. I’ll just order take-out. Who needs a baked stuffed chicken anyway??? Not me thats fucking who...jerks_

            Jaehyun was a snickering mess and Yuta swore he heard the boy go “ooooooooh” under his breath. That made the soccer captain smile in victory. There were few things in the world sweeter than a good burn.

            _Sex is sweeter though. Especially with Taeyong-_

            Youngho’s expression twisted tightly as if he had just sucked on a lemon. He looked like he wanted to shoot another insult back but didn’t. Yuta rolled his eyes at him and leaned against the counter with armful of chocolates, granola bars, and water bottles.

            “I’m gonna assume you finally took it upstairs with…” Youngho hummed as he tried to string together Taeyong’s name. But Yuta knew he was just faking it. He could tell by the look in his eyes. The way they darted around and tried not to meet him.

            “Taeyong? Yeah, we did. I’d give you details but you know I don’t roll that way. I will though say this,” Yuta’s mouth was sharpened into a grin as he looked at both Youngho and Jaehyun. The two of them looked at him with unmistakable interest.

            “Amazing. Jaehyun you blew it by not fucking him when you had the chance.” Yuta cackled. Jaehyun’s jaw dropped and he fumbled to get noises that resembled word out. Youngho’s brows screwed together in confusion and he looked at the basketball player.

            “You had a chance to hook up with him and you didn’t? Man, you’re stupid-”

            “n-No! I mean yeah kinda- Well I don’t know it was in high school! I didn’t think Taeyong was into hooking up with people. So, I never tried anything- But hyung” he turned to Yuta and bit his lip before he let out a sigh.

            “Are you guys…. just hooking up? You guys aren’t dating, right?” Jaehyung coughed and tried to look away but Yuta stared at him.

            _Does he actually like...Taeyong? I thought he only had a thing for him cause he wanted to bang him?_  

            “We’re not dating. We’re friends...with benefits but friends.” Yuta said and Youngho raised a brow before whistling. Yuta now felt a frown itch at his lips. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he could tell that he didn’t really like it. Especially the tone of Youngho’s whistle. It sounded suspicious as if he hadn’t believed what had just come out of Yuta’s mouth.

            “What?” Yuta’s lifted his chin up and puffed his chest up. Even though he still held his bundle of snacks and water. Was that anger he felt inside himself? It felt like hot hair being blown inside of a balloon and he wasn't sure when he'd pop.

            “I’m just surprised that he’s actually the type to do that. He just seems...so fragile. Are you sure he knows you’re just friends with-” Youngho had begun and when he said fragile the word had come out his mouth as if he scraped across his tongue? Yuta didn’t understand what was going on. Now he knew for a fact that he didn’t like whatever the hell was going on.

            _I came here food not to be attacked by these chumps_

            “Of course he knows! You know I don’t play around with people like that. I’m honest about what I want and Taeyong agreed to it. So, he knows exactly what we’re doing.” Yuta said thought about walking away but he couldn’t. Not yet at least.

            “Besides even if he seems fragile it’s only because you fucking walked in on us while he was about to blow me! He was embarrassed and felt bad about breaking a rule he didn’t know existed. Also, you fucking scolded us like you were our dad or something. If anyone should be embarrassed it should me, you for being such a wet noodle.” Yuta fired rapidly and both other boys stared at him in choked silence. Yuta raised a brow and waited to see if either they could save their sorry asses.

            “I still think you should be careful with him Yuta. He still looks fragile to me and I think you might end up breaking him...and I don’t think you’ll be able to fix him-” - _he already looks like he’s been broken and pieces are missing_

            The words were left unspoken but Yuta had heard them in his head. Or maybe he had always had them inside his head. In a dark corner from the moment, he had met Taeyong. He knew it but he didn’t say anything about it. Why should he? If Taeyong wanted to talk about it than he’d say something. Obviously, he didn’t so Yuta never brought it up. Besides they had only just become friends (with benefits) it made sense if they hadn’t opened with all their secrets. If Taeyong had opened up to him the first night like that he probably wouldn’t have asked him to be friends with benefits the next day.

             “I’m honestly surprised he hooked up with you hyung,” Jaehyun spoke again. He had finally recovered from his blabbering and now his voice took a tone. It was serious but remained passive.

            _That’s so Jaehyung...passive...probably why he didn’t hook up with Taeyong back when he had the chance_

            “Why? Because I’m so awful-” Yuta’s sarcasm carried in his voice but Jaehyun had cut in before he could really take them all there. Yuta was getting sick of both of their attitudes.

            “No, no it’s just I’ve known Taeyong for a while and he always seemed the type to go it slow. In high school, he was only interested in serious and exclusive relationships…” Jaehyun sighed “At least that’s what I thought...he didn’t get his first boyfriend until his senior year of high school. They were really serious and only broke up at the end of last spring semester.” Jaehyun scratched the back of his head and glanced down at his socks. Youngho stared between them with a puzzled look. It was like he was trying to decide how interested he actually was in the conversation. Yuta’s face was relaxed though because he couldn’t understand what the big deal was.

             “Okay and-”

            “Taeyong was really messed about it all summer long...so I’m just surprised at how suddenly he’s changed. So, it’s not you ...I know you wouldn’t hurt him on purpose hyung.” Jaehyun let out a breath when he finished. He tried to smile that kind smile of his but it felt wrong on his mouth at the moment. H could tell by the way it dropped and he turned back to the chicken. He went to get the pan and stick it in the oven finally.

            _on purpose...because sometimes you can’t control the way you hurt someone_

            “Do you know why they broke up?” Yuta found himself asking. He almost felt like it hadn’t been his voice who asked. It just happened. The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

            “He graduated and I guess they couldn’t figure out a way to make it work.” Jaehyun shrugged. Yuta nodded.

            _I don’t buy it. But it's not any of my business..._

            “Just be careful Nakamoto” Youngho had spoken up again. His face no longer held a tense expression but it wasn’t happy either. His sharp eyes were half lidded and his lips pulled into lazy frown. He was serious and Yuta knew it. He also knew what he was doing. These two just didn’t understand him.

            “Well, I think you guys should get back to cooking that chicken or whatever. Taeyong is waiting for me. See you guys later.” Yuta said and walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

 

            The time between the walk from the kitchen to his bedroom had been a blur. Yuta’s mind buzzed with white noise over thoughts he didn’t want to think about.

            He didn’t want to think about Taeyong and his ex. Not because he was jealous but because he didn’t want to change the way he thought about him.

            It was obvious by this afternoon Taeyong had changed from whoever he was last summer and who he was now. It was obvious that he was over his ex and wanted to just break free from whatever self-imposed restraints he put on himself when he was younger. That was what mattered now. Not who he dated and why had it gone wrong.

            Though Yuta couldn’t help that curious buzz in the back of his head that just wanted to know. It was only natural he thought to himself as he stood outside of his door. His arms ached from the bundle he had been holding for so long. Yet he stood there and let his thoughts hold his steps back for a moment longer.

            _/I won’t break him. I won’t break him. I won’t break him._

            Yuta let out a breath and walked into his bedroom. He looked at the lump of the blanket at one one corner of the bed and he smiled. He carefully made his way to the other side and set the snacks down on the bed before he crawled beside the lump and tugged the blankets off Taeyong.

            “Tae-” he began but his voice fell silent. Taeyong’s body was curled up so tightly in on himself and the pillow he held to his chest. His feast was nestled comfortably into the pillow he honestly looked like a human ball. Yuta smiled at the slumbering boy. His fingers reached out to brush back his fringe. He traced his cheek with the tip of his finger.

              _Beautiful. A beautiful broken boy._

            Taeyong stirred under his touch and groaned as he moved. Yuta bit his lip smiling and leaned in to nuzzle his arm before whispering:

            “Wake up baby. Eat and drink something first and then we can-”

            Taeyong lifted his head up but his eyes were still closed and his lips were pursed out into a pout. He sat up in silence for a second or two and Yuta stared at him.

            / _Should I-_ /

            It was so fast the way Taeyong had moved. Yuta hadn’t seen it coming h couldn’t have. If someone would have asked him ten minutes ago if he thought Taeyong would do this, he would have probably laughed.

            Taeyong in his sleepy state had lifted both arms and reached for Yuta and wrapped themselves around his neck before bringing him down to his chest. He pulled them both down and held Yuta to him chest just like he had held the pillow. From where Yuta laid he could see some of the marks he had inked over Taeyong’s skin. They still were raw and vibrant with dark hues or red and blue. He wanted to kiss them. He wanted to taste the red flesh and deepen the marks so they’d last just a little longer.

            _Is that bad? I just like the way they look…I want to mark every inch of him and paint over those cracks I see. I can make flowers over those cracks with my lips. If he wants…only if he wants…_

Their bare chests together felt so warm it was the only thing Yuta could feel in that moment. The overwhelming warmth that radiated off Taeyong’s tiny body and the way his arms held him. He wasn’t going to let go. /Ever/ The warmth reached his skin and painted over it a light hue of pink for seconds maybe moments. Yuta stared down at the boy who held him so warmly with wide eyes. Then came his heartbeat. He heard it the way it bounced off his chest he wondered if Taeyong could hear it in his dreams because it sounded so loud in his head.

            _He really did that...I wonder if he knows or was he still asleep?_

            Yuta sighed softly and laid there quietly beside Taeyong. He smiled softly and closed his eyes why did he have to fight it? They could eat later. They could do everything else later. Now, they shared their own hearth of warmth in this bed together.

            _What if he breaks me?_  

            Yuta thought. His eyes opened and stared at the beautiful boy at his side. His dark lashes shadowed the top of his cheeks. Hs breath came out evenly he was so deep in sleep now nothing could probably wake him. His lips. His pink dolly lips were parted and Yuta wanted to kiss them. But for once he held back and stared quietly as he let his eyelids become heavy with time.

            _You could do it Taeyong...but would it be so bad to be broken by you? We could share our broken pieces…_

            Yuta’s eyes closed and he drifted off in Taeyong’s warmth.

** CH.8 END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudos! I love you guys~ I'll update again soon promise!  
> Sorry for mistakes it 3am I'm dying (but what else is new?)  
> Please leave comments and let me know what you think <3


	9. Blankets and Pancakes (that never get to be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would I call this? This story isn't just about love and maybe you'll get after this chapter. 
> 
> trigger warning for past relationship abuse. you guys may have known this was coming. (its mild though)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, its been a decade I know. Honestly I've been working on this chapter since July and I've finally finished it. This has been rewritten a million times. This looks nothing like what I originally planned for this chapter and I think thats a good thing. Life got me good though, this past semester nearly killed me. I got two jobs and welp you know how it is. But this fic is very important to me and thats why I continued to work at it until this chapter was done.  
> I want to dedicate this chapter to a friend who kept me so motivated all these months Nayong127 without your help I may have given up on this along the way. Thank you so much friend. 
> 
> forgive me for this be messy its 1am-ish and i'm a friend's how idk how to beta rn

                 It was that subtle chill that tickled Taeyong’s shoulder and stirred him from his sleep. His eyes opened, and the world was blurry with the same dark gray scheme of the sky. It must be early he thought somewhere deep within his consciousness that wasn’t even conscious yet. The covers had fallen off from his upper half and his skin was vulnerable to the breeze that came through the window. Why is that window always opened? He sighed and tugged at the blankets until they were nearly over his head. For a moment he forgot all together where he was and then it came back to him slowly. Like trickles of raindrops pouring into a single cup. Yesterday, he had come over to see Yuta. Not just to see him but he had wanted him. He had wanted him the same way he did the first night they met. Last night had been even better than the first one because the anxiety that was wound around his bones had finally loosen. Even now as he laid in Yuta’s bed he felt so limp and loose. Or, maybe that was just the fact that Yuta had kept his promise.

                _He fucked me right into these sheets with that smile of his._

                The scent of cinnamon was so heavy in the pillows it called to Taeyong. It sang to him while the warmth of the blankets cradled him. It had to be early. He was still so tired. His body stretched out under the sheets. The raw groan that came from the back of his throat was so loud in this gloomy darkness. His fingers reached the other side of the bed and found nothing. Just more blankets and a pillow fallen from its place. His round eyes opened for only a second before they burned again for more sleep.

                _Yuta. Where did he go? Is it not as early as I thought it was…?_

                Taeyong was reminded of the first night he had spent here, and when the morning had come. Yuta, had been gone then too when he first opened his eyes. But he had come back and they both went to breakfast. Taeyong’s thoughts staggered between getting up and just staying asleep.

                _It must be early. Why the hell would I still be so sleepy if it wasn’t ass crack in the morning?_

                He sighed and began to slowly pull himself up but just as he did the door creaked. “REEEEE” The sound was so dry, and it scratched at his ears. He made a whiny sound and turned his head a bit to look.

                “Hey, there sleepy head” Yuta’s voice was so fucking raspy. As if it lingered in his chest and took its time to crawl out of his throat. The sound roused Taeyong even more yet he stayed in bed and watched with half lidded eyes as Yuta crossed the bedroom and back to the bed. Yuta only had a pair of gray sweats on. They probably were the same ones from last night. And if Taeyong’s eyes weren’t seeing things he was sure he wasn’t wearing any underwear under those either. If Taeyong was a cat (which he was convinced that he had been in a past life) he would have purred in delight when Yuta crawled back under the covers.  There had been this split moment when the covers were pulled up that Taeyong felt the cold air once again and it caressed his bare skin. It felt like the icy tips of ghost fingers on his skin and he wanted to whine again but just as soon as it happened it was gone. Gone just as quick as a candle could be snuffed out this one was lit up. Yuta’s arms had come around and taken Taeyong’s body. Taeyong could feel the contours of all his lean muscles in the hold. The touch of Yuta’s bare chest against his own. Instantly it was a kindled fire was born between them. Taeyong sighed and let his head rest on his friend’s shoulder.

                _Friend. My friend is so fucking warm. Fuck, why does he smell so good too._

                Taeyong inhaled deeply and sighed all the same. His bones were jelly now with how relaxed he felt. Yuta’s palm pressed against the small of his back and rubbed at the spot so gently. Taeyong mewled softly and his nose nuzzled into the crook of his friends’ shoulder.

                “What time is it?” he rasped out against Yuta’s skin. His lips brushed against the skin and there was this tiny part of him that told him he should pull away. But why should he listen to that side of himself when all he wanted to do was kiss it. So, he did. He kissed the patch of skin so softly. Then he kissed it again and again. He heard Yuta let out a quiet breath and his grip around Taeyong’s body tightened.

                “It’s like 8:00 I woke up cause nature called. But you know we can just stay here if you want… we don’t have to- You don’t have to go yet. If you want” he murmured, and his hand lowered itself to cup Taeyong’s right ass cheek. He gave the tender flesh a squeeze and Taeyong made a faint noise against Yuta’s skin. He pressed a sloppy open mouth kiss. Even if pleasure stirred within him it was lethargic. He wanted to just touch and kiss. He wanted to feel Yuta and taste him but in those tiny doses he knew he’d remember later when he was alone. But he wasn’t alone now, and his hands could take their time as he mapped the delicate cervices of Yuta’s body.

                Last night had been all about fevered lust. What would be the quickest way to devour each other. He was a starved animal last night who howled and cried out in pained lust. Now, he was gluttonous creature who just wanted a little more. Yuta’s hand was still squeezing his ass and his fingers slid up and down the cleft of his ass. Taeyong trembled and tilted his head back. His lips were just half a breath away from his chin. So, he kissed it too.

                _Oh, God-_

                “I wanna stay a little longer…if that’s cool” Taeyong mumbled in between open-mouthed kisses down Yuta’s neck. He didn’t want to leave. Not, when he was so cozy and had a hand on his ass squeezing it so right. Yuta’s other hand came up to tilt Taeyong’s chin up and kiss him so delicately. It was languid lip lock. So slow and sedated. They had already been satisfied last night but this was extra. This was like dessert after a feast. Why would he miss out on dessert?

                “Stay long as you want.” Yuta sighed contently into the kiss. As if those were the exact words he had hoped to hear. His lips moved messily down Taeyong’s chin. He pressed his lips to Taeyong’s jaw and his hand rubbed at his hole. Taeyong’s body curved into his like a cat stretching. He moaned and yawned together.

                _Should we fuck or just go back to bed?_

                “Hey, Yuta- “he murmured and felt a heaviness on him. It weighed on him in his awkward position with his neck craned up and chest pushed out. Yuta’s nose was resting on his Adams apple. Then came in the soft snores of the boy who still had his hand on his ass. Yuta had fallen asleep first and Taeyong could hardly blame him. The entire time he’d fought to keep himself awake. It was like being in a lukewarm bath together and they were both slipping into that comfortable oblivion. Yuta had fallen first and Taeyong after he carefully moved his friend into a more comfortable position and fell after him.

                It didn’t take long after that for sleep to pull Taeyong down the rabbit hole. It came so quickly and easily. Taeyong just had to close his eyes and his bones melted into Yuta’s body and the bed. He was gone just like that.

 

                Three hours later the sun began to bleed through the thick gray clouds weakly. The light poured through the window and cascaded over the gloom in the room. Taeyong was still curled up in Yuta’s arms asleep. Though his nose wrinkled, and his eyes moved from under his lids. He began to feel restless. Or more like if he were a phone and he’d been charged 100% a while ago so now he had to wake the hell up. His arm twitched, and he waited a moment longer before his leg twitched too. Both painfully so, his body urged him that he’d slept enough. He groaned into the pillow or was that Yuta’s chest? He lifted his head and his hair fell over his half-lidded eyes. Either way it was time to dislodged himself from his comfortable friend and the bed.

                “Pancakes or waffles?” Yuta’s voice had come out of nowhere. It was this deep-rooted rumble of a thing that Taeyong thought was more vibrations than anything else. Had even heard the words that were meant to come out or were they just sounds? He was hardly enough awake yet to tell.

                “huh?” he mumbled as he brought one hand to hair and ran his fingers through it. He tried to push some of his fringe away from his to get a better look at Yuta. The boy still had his eyes closed. His head was tucked in, so it had been resting on Taeyong’s head before he moved. Now, it just laid on the pillow haphazardly. Taeyong stared and worried that if he stayed too long in that position he’d get a cramp. He brought both hands up and tried to readjust Yuta’s head. As he held the boy’s head his fingers gently pressed into the strong jaw structure and then caressed his fingers down to his cheeks. “Yuta,” he murmured as he tried to rouse the boy awake.

                “Waffles or pancakes?” Yuta mumbled again and this time Taeyong had caught the words. Yuta tilted his head forward and put the weight of his skill into Taeyong’s thin hands. He still held him.

                “Pancakes.” Taeyong answered and Yuta’s eyes began to open. The left one first opened slowly and seemed to look around to see if it were safe for the right one to open. When Yuta only saw Taeyong’s sleepy expression his eyes opened fully. He stared at the boy who held him so carefully for a long quiet moment. Then a smile so small crept over his lips. Taeyong witnessed the slow curve of his mouth as it took its shape and honestly all the breath in his lungs felt like smoke of a camp fire.

                _I can’t believe I just woke up to that. To that smile-_

                “Pancakes it is then,” Yuta stretches his hands high above his head. Which meant his hand had left Taeyong’s ass? The boy wondered if it were bad that he had missed the warmth of his palm. He didn’t dare ask Yuta. Last night had been liberating and all but still somethings he could keep to himself. Taeyong stretched his body too and it curved much like a cat sprawled out under the sun after a long nap. He yawned. Then his nose twitched as he caught a mighty whiff of his own breath. His mouth was so dry. It smelled like cum and he didn’t know what else. He didn’t want to know the answer, all that he knew was that he had to get up.

                “Um- I need to brush my teeth.” He mumbled as he scrambled under the sheets to get up. His slender limbs got tangled and he bumped into Yuta’s lean body more than once. The soccer player chuckled before he pulled himself up too.

                “I’ll get you a toothbrush fresh out the package too. So, don’t worry your pretty little head.” He said as he turned to get out of bed. He still had the sweats on but Taeyong was naked. He knew the clothes he had yesterday were somewhere in the room. He also knew that none of the items besides his underwear belonged to him. Of course, there were the wet clothes he had on yesterday, but he had no clue where those were. Maybe downstairs? He’d ask Yuta about it later.

                “After I get the toothbrush I’ll bring you something to wear. Since you brought back the clothes you borrowed I guess it only makes sense I lend you something again.” Yuta said as he scratched at his chest and stood by the door. Taeyong opened his mouth to protest but Yuta turned around and smiled at him.

                _Damn it don’t do that-_

                “Besides you look cute in my clothes,” he said right before he was out the door and going inside the bathroom.

                _He does it so easily._

Taeyong thought as he sat there on the bed alone with the blanket draped over his lower half. Yuta did it so easily. He made Taeyong so happy. So easily that it wasn’t fair. It was ridiculous really and he knew that he was even more ridiculous for feeling this way. But after last night he knew he didn’t have to be afraid of this happiness.

                He let the happiness simmer inside him quietly but didn’t stir it. Taeyong had learned that sometimes when you felt good you just could leave it at that. Taeyong waited for Yuta to comeback from the bathroom. His eyes wandered around the room. The last time he had been here he hadn’t given himself much of chance to look around. Yuta’s room was quite large. Or maybe it was the white walls that gave it the spacious look. On the walls there were a few soccer posters of athletes he didn’t know. There were also some awards framed alongside team pictures. There were lots of shelves at least two were dedicated to just awards and trophies while the other one had books in it. There was a tall dresser with no mirror. There was a window to very right of the room and one that was right above the bed.

                _I think that’s a skylight. How have I not noticed that before?_

_Maybe cause you were too busy sucking Yuta’s face to take in the interior design of his bedroom._

                Taeyong frowned. I hate when the voice in my head sounds like Doyoung. Talking about Doyoung-

                He got up only to search for his phone. Taeyong tugged the blankets around him. He knew it was silly, but it was cold in the room and he just wouldn’t know how to react if Yuta walked in. Oh, yeah, I’m just looking for my phone while naked. Sure, Yuta has seen him naked plenty of times so there shouldn’t have been a problem. But somehow that image just didn’t sit well with him, so he held the blankets close to him. He fisted the sheets as carefully staggered around the room. Now, that he was up and on his feet, he was really reminded of how hard Yuta did him in. His lower half ached from the small of his back to his thighs. He winced as he felt the knot settle right at the lower center of his back and figured when he got home he’d properly rest and maybe take a couple of pain killers.

                “I think I’m wearing the sweat pants you had on yesterday.” Yuta’s laughter filled the empty air and tickled Taeyong’s own senses back to life. Before he even realized what had been said he could feel laughter build up inside him. Then words processed in his head and the laughter was hushed away.

                “Oh, well they’re your pants…but um is my phone in there?” he asked in a soft voice. Yuta walked towards him and held out the phone.

                “It kept vibrating while I was in the bathroom. I think someone was calling you.” Taeyong quietly thanked Yuta and took the phone. He knew before he even unlocked his phone who would have called at this hour on a Sunday. He unlocked it anyway and saw a few dozen missed calls from of course his keeper Doyoung, a few texts from Ten and his mother? Well he’d call later for now he had to do some damage control before he arrived home and Doyoung decided to kill him at the door.

                He pressed one of the missed called icons next to Doyoung’s name and let the phone ring. As it rung dully into his ear he glanced up at Yuta who was going through his drawers pulling out clothes. Taeyong sighed as he watched Yuta’s back. He still hadn’t gotten dressed, so he watched with (mild) interest the way his back muscles moved under his creamy skin. It was kind of fascinating the way they moved so fluidly. He wanted to press his palm on those muscles and feel their movement. He wanted to drag his fingers down Yuta’s back and hoped to see his skin come alive with goosebumps.

                “So, did you get me my coke?” Doyoung started off and while that should have been just a cheap joke there was an edge to his voice that worried Taeyong.

                “Doyoung before you start yelling- “

                “Taeyong seriously like I don’t care if you want to go fuck Yuta or whoever- Okay that’s a lie I do care but if you’re gonna go hook up with him don’t lie about it. I was worried last night when you didn’t come home, and I only figured you were with Yuta because of Ten. He insisted that you were out with your new crush and well he was right.” Doyoung hadn’t yelled that time either but the frustration and worry were evident in the way he strained to keep his words steady. Taeyong immediately felt guilt swallow him like a snake eating its own tail. He had only lied to him because he knew best friend would have reacted badly to it all. He knew how protective Doyoung was and how he wouldn’t want Taeyong to actively put himself in a position where he could get hurt.

                _He just doesn’t get it. I’m not the same person I was when I with-_

                “I’m sorry Doyoung I just thought you’d be mad if I told you I was coming to Yuta’s-“ Taeyong began and as the words came out of his mouth they were a mistake. Yuta had turned back around with clothes in his arms and stared at him. His eyes were mostly dark with confusion but there was that unexpected sting of pain in them. It was hard when Yuta wore all his emotions on his face to be read so easily. There was no way to hide away from that obvious pain. Taeyong felt himself crumple up inside like a piece of paper. He fucked up a little bit and he knew it.

                “I know you’re mad…and I’ll tell you next time I’m staying at a friend’s house but-“ he sighed shakily and spoke again “I need you to chill out. I’m fine. Okay?” Taeyong said and then promised to be home later that afternoon. He sighed as he hung the phone up and felt dread pull at his muscles to look up at Yuta again. Yuta’s mouth was tight with a smile that wanted to be friendly but just couldn’t hold it.

                “Listen, I know me and Doyoung have our little ...questionable acquaintance-ship . But if what’s going on between us is hurting your friendship with him I understand if you don’t want to-“

                “No!” Taeyong quickly cut in and then just as quickly felt embarrassment over how fast he had interrupted Yuta. He sighed heavily, and he wanted to run his fingers through his hair, but his hands were busy keeping the sheets up.

                “What we have…isn’t a bad a thing Yuta. That’s what you told me last night right?” Taeyong spoke softly and his eyes weighed down on Yuta. He took the weight of the gaze and nodded.

                Taeyong waddled towards him while the tangled sheets dragged behind him. He stood there in front of him and sighed again. Though it was much softer this time.

                “Then that’s what matters right? What we want isn’t a bad thing…so we should let ourselves have it.” He murmured softly and while Yuta stood there in silence he waited anxiously. He could listen to the quiet pitter patter of his own heartbeat. Was it okay to say these things? Yes. He knew it even if he bit down on his lower lip and abused the flesh over his own jittery nerves.

                Yuta smiled, and it was that smile. His smile. The slow curl of the corner of his mouth that quickly spread wider until it was full and vibrant.

                “You learn so fast…” he said and leaned in close. Taeyong wasn’t sure what he was going to do but his eyes closed all the same. The seconds dropped, and Yuta’s lips pressed a kiss against Taeyong’s forehead. The touch was delicate, and his lips only lingered a second longer than necessary. When he pulled away he had that smile of his on his face. Taeyong though could only feel that sizzling heat that his mouth temporarily branded. He looked up at his friend with this warm softness. A lot like the feeling of your comforter fresh out of the dryer. The warmth enveloped them and held them for a sweet long moment. Taeyong smiled.

                “I’m trying…” he whispered, and Yuta nodded because he knew.

                “Doyoung likes to play mom but he forgets that I’m the mom of the house.” He joked. He wanted the heaviness of the room to just go away. Everything had been so nice, just a slow Sunday morning. He didn’t want it ruined because he had been a shit friend to his roommates.

                “It’s because he cares about you. He doesn’t want you to get hurt…” Yuta said and turned to walk towards the door. Taeyong didn’t move but the blanket began to slip around him.

                _Would…you hurt me?_

                “Yeah…he’s a good friend like that.” He murmured, and the thought swam in his head, but he pushed his foot to take a step forward.

                “I hope I can be a good friend to you like that Taeyong,” he said right before he held out the bundle of clothes he had been carrying. The blanket fell to Taeyong’s waist and he felt silly to still have it wrapped around himself. He let it go of it and traded it with Yuta for the clothes.

                “I’ll make your bed when I’m done.” He squeaked as he slipped through the door and inside the bathroom. He shut the door quickly and pressed his back against the white wood. The clothes were pulled close to his chest and he found himself heaving a sigh. Though the relief was faint he still decided the enclosed space of the bathroom was better

                _Fuck. I’m so stupid I should have said something else…like oh I want to be a good friend to you too? Anything better than ‘I’ll make your bed’. We’re friends…but we’ve only been friends for like a week, so I think we both need to chill too._

                Taeyong sighed again and dropped the clothes on top of the closed toilet seat. He turned toward the sink and saw a toothbrush still in its packaging. It’s stupid how that made him smile. Not so much the fact that Yuta laid out a brand-new toothbrush for him. Just the fact that he could brush his teeth with a clean toothbrush put a smile on his dirty mouth. It eased his germaphobe heart into the rest of the morning while the rest of his anxieties were probably ready to attack him as soon as he got out of shower (or sooner). He opened the package and struggled to get the papery bit to rip off properly. The corner of the package didn’t want to cooperate, and it wasn’t not until the third corner that he ripped it free open and the toothbrush flew out of the package and landed in the sink. Taeyong sighed and turned the sink’s cold knob on.

                He held the brush under the running water for a moment before he reached for the toothpaste. Again, he was reminded of the same Sunday morning from the week before. Yet, it was entirely different too. Taeyong mulled over this as considered the bathroom mirror with a mouthful of minty foam. He stared at his reflection and counted the red and purple bruises on his skin. The first one came up all the way just below his ear and the furthest one was on top of his v-line (the last visible one from this angel, he knew that there were a few in between his legs). Each one more vibrant than the last, he could even see the faint blue in some of them. It looked like his body was painted with the brightest and softest shades of violet, rose and indigo blue. A watercolor garden of purple hibiscuses. Yuta created art on his skin and he lamented over the fact that these marks would be gone in days.

                He could have stared at those marks for days and thought about how Yuta’s mouth touched his skin. How his lips kissed his skin, and tongue licked until his teeth bit into the flesh and it all exploded with color. He could’ve done it for hours, but he knew he needed a shower and probably a stack of pancakes. He spat into the sink after he thoroughly brushed his teeth and rinsed it out along with the sink. He wasn’t about to leave his gross regurgitated toothpaste in the sink. He was not some ill-mannered heathen.

               Under the shower’s ray he held his head down and his hair dripped over his eyes and touched the very tip of his nose. He remembered the stupid little kiss that just had happened less than ten minutes ago. The light feeling in his chest came back. It was like cotton fluff stuffed into his lungs and the cavity of his heart. It wasn’t horrible. At least if turning into a stuffed bear wasn’t a horrible fate. Taeyong didn’t think so as he reached for the same shower gel he used last time.

            Once again, he’d smell like Yuta. That familiar scent of fall spices that invoked this warmth that spread from the center of his chest all the way to the very tips of his fingers.

             He knew that before last night these thoughts would’ve been considered dangerous. But, there was something so liberating about their conversation last night. It came back to him constantly because it was still so fresh on his mind. Yuta’s words echoed inside the walls of his mind and reminded him that everything was okay.

             Taeyong didn’t need to fear his feelings. Any of them. If he felt horny and Yuta did too. Then they could do something about it. If wanted to kiss him until they both choked for a spare breath that was fine too. If he wanted to hold him in his sleep after being fucked into those same sheets, then it was perfectly fine too. It was okay to enjoy these things. He was supposed to enjoy these things and to force himself not to well that was just fucking stupid. He realized that for so long he was taught that feelings were meant to kept hiding until they were mutual. All was kept secret to avoid getting hurt. But once that fear was taken away what did they need to hide?

              Taeyong didn’t love Yuta. Taeyong liked him. He liked the way he tasted when their lips met. He liked the way Yuta pressed smiles onto his mouth and held him by his waist. He liked the sound of his laugh and smooth voice. It tickled his ears and sounded like warm honey dripping down when it got huskier. He liked how pretty his eyes were. He liked it when the light in them shifted to feral darkness and ate Taeyong up. Most of all he liked Yuta’s honest personality. It was so rare and open like a wound left on display and that may not sound so pretty but it was real. He liked all of that but that didn’t mean he’d have to beat himself about it. Because they were friends. Friends with benefits and these feelings were okay. Sure, sometimes he still found himself folding in on himself like he had always done. This wasn’t an overnight solution to his perpetual shyness but if he could have this. This place in his heart he didn’t need to fear than maybe he’d be okay.

               He could like things those little nose kisses too. He’d add them to the growing list of things he liked about Yuta.

               The shower lasted maybe a little longer than Taeyong had anticipated but by the time he shut the water off he felt like his body ten times lighter even though it was drenched. He reached for the towel and dried himself off with ease before he pulled on the clean clothes. The t-shirt was another comfortable baggy shirt and so were the sweatpants. The worn in fabric of the cotton t-shirt was soft and smelled faintly of detergent and Yuta. Taeyong had pulled on the drawstrings of the sweatpants and tied they loosely, the hems of the pants went beyond his feet, so he rolled they up a bit. They were perfect for a lazy Sunday after a good fuck. He rubbed the towel over his head and tried his best to dry his wet locks. As the mirror’s fog began to fade away he caught himself in the smudgy reflection. He pushed back wet locks and stared at his face there was a flush to his skin from the hot water. He wondered if this was how he looked around Yuta all the time. His eyes wandered to his hair that laid damp and limp over his eyes. It was just a shade darker than normal, like a dark roast mocha. Taeyong’s lips pulled into a curious frown.

_My hair…I kind of want to do something with it. Should I cut it? It’s gotten kind of long…maybe dye it? I haven’t done that in a while…_

                 Taeyong shrugged away his passive thoughts, opened the door and walked out. The gust of cool air was nice as it was beginning to feel suffocating in the thick steamy air inside the bathroom. Taeyong inhaled deeply and glanced around the room to see if Yuta was anywhere around. He wasn’t and Taeyong ignored the small sting of disappointment in his chest.

_Why do you keep thinking he’ll just be there waiting for you? He’s probably downstairs or something_

                 Just as he continued to chide himself, Taeyong could feel his own stomach wail and demand some substance after last night’s vigorous activities he was due a good meal. But first he had to keep his lame ass promise and make Yuta’s made. He was an expert at bed making so it hadnt’ taken him very long to do. He grabbed his bag he found laid on the bed. Yuta must’ve gotten from wherever he left it yesterday. He couldn’t even remember if he had left it in the bathroom, kitchen or somewhere in between. Yesterday had just been such a tornado of happenings it was hard to believe that most of it happened.

                First, he wanted to erase the memory of being caught naked on his knees about to suck Yuta’s dick in the bathroom. Just remembering it made him want to cringe into his next lifetime. Second, he was not sure how he was supposed to handle Jaehyun’s past lust crush on him. That was something to tell Doyoung about.

                _Are they still going to hook up? Fuck, that’s just so weird._

                Taeyong let out a heavy sigh and pushed at his damp fringe that hung long over his eyes. It reminded him that he wanted to do something with his hair soon. Maybe a cut or something. He wasn’t not sure why he’s so fixed on his hair but as it disrupted his vision he knew he had to do something about it.

                The first night Taeyong had been at the frat house he hadn’t even given the place a decent once over. His senses had been attacked by all sides. First of course visually, the masses of bodies that moved around the house like monster waves had intimidated him greatly. He remembered how his stomach twisted so painfully as he watched people stumble around and others push into anyone in the way. Then came the loudness. Between the music that blared over cheap speakers and the voices that competed with the base speakers. It drove him mad he had wrapped his arms around himself so tightly his slender muscles strained to keep himself together.  The smell was enough to let himself know about the mess. The scent of alcohol hung in the air like a thick musky perfume. In there that faint scents of Doritos and vomit lingered and were stronger in other parts of the house. He had sat on the couch for about two seconds before his hand had touched something that made a squelchy noise and he was quick to eject himself out of his seat. Taste was easy. He was familiar with the flavor of light beer. It was a tepid wheat juice that took ages to even bring a tickle to his body. Yet, he sipped at his red solo cup the entire night until of course Yuta walked up to him. The entire building had become a blur after that. Would it be stupid to think that anything would pale in comparison to Yuta’s smile, he wondered?

                Yesterday, when he had returned to the frat house in hopes to return Yuta’s clothes (look how well that went) and some sex he again didn’t take in his surroundings. He had been preoccupied at the time though. Drenched to his bones in the storm’s fury. Now, though as he walked down the steps his eyes finally looked around. The frat house was nice. In that homey sort of way that he would have never expected from a frat house. It was a three-story home. From what he could tell all the bedrooms were upstairs, but he wasn’t sure he had never been given a tour. The walls were painted a warm olive green and the stairs are made of dark oak. As he slid his hand down the railing he appreciated the way the delicate ridges felt on his palm. At the foyer there was a grand oak wooden door that has the more intricate design on the top with a brass knob. There was also a little peephole. Besides the door there was this rack of overflowed with sneakers, boots, slippers and all other footwear. Taeyong wondered how many people lived here. He had only met three of the inhabitants of the frat but surely there had to be more. He’d ask Yuta about it later maybe over some pancakes.

                The living room matched the rest of the home. There’s a large navy-blue couch that he knew vaguely to be comfy but was warry of the stains he saw on it. There was this large dark splotch he could see from the door and it made his empty stomach gurgle. Also, he was not over the “squelch” incident. There was a flat screen mounted over a fireplace that is decorated with different house awards, pictures and certificates. Taeyong stopped to take a moment to briefly look at the pictures. Different generations from the frat house which is named Sigma- and some strange Greek symbols that Taeyong didn’t want to even try to decipher. It was not until the last picture that he finds Yuta in the masses of large masculine bodies.  He’s squatting in the front smiling brightly besides Youngho who is smiling too they have their arms around each other. Taeyong stared at the picture it’s incredibly cheesy but he’s just surprised that Youngho can smile. Also, that it’s such a nice smile. His face scrunches up in a sweet way and he no longer looks like he's aged five years older than he is. Yuta, had mentioned that Youngho wasn’t usually so …. rough? Taeyong didn’t know the right word to describe but he now he saw that there was more to that boy.

                _Even though he does look kind of hot with that pinched sort of look. Those eyes of his are so sharp and when he glares-_

                _Okay, yeah gonna stop myself and this thirst train before it gets worst. It’s not like he totally saw me naked yesterday. Also, on my knees in a bathroom about to blow his friend. Ha-ha_

                Taeyong moved away from the picture quickly and went towards the hallway he knew that would take him to the kitchen. As he neared it he could hear voices penetrate through the closed door.

                “Oh, Taeil told me that next time you have sex if you don’t keep it quiet he’s going to duct tape your door shut again,” Jaehyun’s voice was the first one he picked up. Taeyong immediately regretted too because now he felt guilt way over his head all over again.

                “Fuck you guys are so whiny. Can’t you be happy for me and my healthy sex life? Jeez always got some dumb shit to say,” Yuta grumbled and Taeyong still felt guilty. One, for disturbing the other people who live at the frat house with how loud they fucked last night. Two, making Yuta have these awkward conversations over breakfast and defend himself needlessly. Taeyong sighed and wondered if it was okay to open the door but just as he turned to head back to the living room he felt a presence behind him. His eyes are met with someone’s deliciously tan neck. Slowly, his eyes look up and he sees Youngho’s pinched glare settled down on his small form. He probably squeaked but he wanted to pretend that wasn’t what had happened.

                 “Morning, are you going into the kitchen?” Youngho asked. His voice too is raspy in morning but it’s different from Yuta’s voice. Yuta’s voice is a slow drawl, his voice crawls from his chest and is steeped in warm honey. Youngho’s voice was deep and it sounded like it came from deep down in the depths of his guts and dragged itself out to make words. It unsettled him, but his ears wanted to hear more.

                 “Yeah I um- Morning…?” What made that sentence even sadder was that it was the first thing he had said to Youngho since the bathroom sex lecture. How was supposed to redeem himself from that? Surely it wasn’t stumbling over his words while he blocked Youngho’s path to the kitchen.

 _Why am I so obsessed with voices??? Mine is raspy in the morning too its only natural you dumb fuck. Keep your weird fetishes to yourself_.

                “So, are you going to open the door or are you trying to phase through it?” It was that husky voice that made it so hard for Taeyong to laugh at what was so obviously a joke. Instead he wheezed out an apology and pushed the door open and stumbled into the kitchen. His eyes searched for a beacon the first familiar face he found was Jaehyun who looked at him with a frazzled smile. As if he hadn’t expected him to be there. Then his eyes found Yuta who just smiled at him.

                “Taeyong you ready to go? These losers aren’t making anything special for breakfast, so I think we should just go to the diner.” He says as he round about the counter and shoves past Youngho who was heading towards the coffee pot. Youngho grunts and grumbles something Taeyong didn’t want to string together into real words. No, need to make Youngho any scarier than he already was. But he didn’t want things to be like that. Sure, he felt like a meek mouse under Youngho’s daunting glare. And yeah maybe he felt uncomfortable by Jaehyun’s newfound lust gaze but that didn’t mean he couldn’t look like he was fucking chill. It was ridiculous how he could feel his anxiety crawl across his skin, but his rational side knew there was nothing to fear.  
                _Its not like they’re going to fucking kill me. Jeez. Lets just try and be civil._  
                “Um…Actually would be cool if we ate here…I could make you- you guys the pancakes. They won’t be as bomb as the diner’s but hey saves us the trip, right? “Taeyong piped up and coughed out the rest of his sentences when his lungs no longer had air to give to his words. He glances at Yuta warily and wondered if he should’ve asked him before he suggested it. Yuta just gave him lazy grin.  
                “Kind of you to suggest Tae but these punks don’t deserve homemade pancakes. I on the other hand would love to try your pancakes” He said he took Taeyong by the waist and gave it a squeeze. Normally that would have made his heart fluttered but he didn’t just to be Yuta’s hook up in the moment. Just the hook up not a friend. He saw it in the way that Jaehyun looked at him. In the way Youngho watched him through his fringe as he waited for his coffee too cool. Taeyong wanted to a guy could just be friends with the people in the room. Could he be both? Did there have to be a difference? Could he just be Taeyong? Taeyong looked between the two males at the counter and back at the boy holding him.  
                “Are you sure? I want to make it for everyone…think of it as a ‘sorry I tried to blow your mate in the downstairs bathroom. And then being loud while having sex later that night’ pancakes…” the words sort of just fumbled and tumbled out of his mouth all in one breath. Everyone in the room stared at him with wide uncomfortable eyes. Yuta coughed awkwardly and Jaehyun’s mouth pulled into an even more uncomfortable smile.

 _Oh, fuck well I’m fucking fucked that up. Jeez Taeyong when the fuck are you going to learn to keep your stupid mouth shu-_  
                “Okay, since you seem so keen on making these pancakes go ahead. They better be good man or I’m going to be hella disappointed. I’m putting away frosted flakes for this Taeyong.” Youngho had been the one cut away at the silence like a hot knife to butter. He did it so easily and maybe because it had come so easy to him Taeyong was able to find his breath again. Jaehyun had opened a cupboard and mentioned something about getting out a mixing bowl. There came a mixture of feelings to him that he could not accurately described. First the relief that he hadn’t messed everything up. It came down over him like a cool splash of water. (you know like in those skin care commercials?) Two, Yuta’s hand hadn’t left his waist and in the moment, he felt uncomfortable with it there. There was this sense of possessiveness that rang an awfully familiar chill down his spine. It brought him back to bruising hugs and hands. The world for a moment was blurry. The soles of his feet couldn’t feel the ground. It felt like he was slipping but his body hadn’t moved. He had to move. He knew Yuta meant nothing of it, but he had to move for just a second. He didn’t understand why it still happened. He didn’t understand why it ever did.

 

* * *

 

_A  Russian roulette of mind. Memories loaded into one bullet and the rest blanks. Taeyong never knew when the gun would fire and hit him. Make him bleed out with the pain of days so far away gone._   
_The touch came to him cold, colder than ice, it burned. Yuta’s hand was always so warm but now it felt like it was made to freeze. Taeyong felt the ice sink, frost spread through his body and he could only hope to be thawed out. Instead he slipped and was reminded of the dinner party._   
_The dinner party had taken place months before the breakup. A break up didn’t even seem possible at the time. He had been happy. That was what he told himself. That was what he still told himself._   
_He remembered the ride. Kevin, his boyfriend of two and half years had picked him up from school. Taeyong had been fresh out the dance studio’s shower and had thrown together a button up and slacks. “Couldn’t you have dressed up a little…more?” Those had been the first words Kevin had said to him. Taeyong had just opened the door to the car. He brought his hands to his shirt. It was a Egyptian cotton white button shirt that Kevin got him a few weeks ago for these occasions. His slacks were a bit wrinkled because he forgot to hang them up while he was at dance practice. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he buckled himself in._   
_Kevin, was already one of the new bright sprouts at this well-known firm in town. He had landed the interview because Kevin wasn’t charismatic he was the sliver tongue snake. He knew what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Now, they were on the way to a colleague’s dinner party on a Thursday night. Taeyong had reading to do for his 200-level literature class and response to follow it. He hugged the seat belt as he turned away to look out the window._   
_“How was your day?” he asked because the music wasn’t enough to fill up the silence._   
_Had it always been that bad?_   
_“Fine. Jane the secretary did a shit job at keeping my appointments together. I nearly lost this new client because of her incompetence.” Kevin muttered.                 He didn’t look once at Taeyong. Taeyong glanced at him and immediately felt guilt sink into him. It was a familiar feeling. Whenever Kevin didn’t have a good day at the office he felt bad. Bad because he should fix it somehow. But that was silly because he knew there was nothing he could do to go back and stop it from being a bad day._

_“I’m sorry you had a bad day. But…tonight will be fun right?” he asked and the uncertainty in his own voice made him cringe. Kevin tapped his thumb on the steering wheel and glanced at Taeyong. The boy looked at his boyfriend with wide eyes and waited. Kevin smiled. It was the smile he gave him whenever he said something good. Something that wasn’t stupid or made him look as young as he was. (Kevin was 26, Taeyong was only 19). Taeyong’s big eyes drank that smile. Along with that smile he disgested the way Kevin’s side profile looked. His nose was so straight and pointed like it had been drawn with an expert hand. His cheek bones were so hollow and tall. His jaw angular and cut with a knife. His eyes were sharper and dark but Taeyong always remembered how they softened when he looked at him._  
 _“Yeah, Jeff and Liz are really excited to meet you. Ever since I mentioned you they’ve been planning this dinner party. Some of the other guys from the firm are gonna be there too.” He said and Taeyong couldn’t help feeling some swell of pride. These people who worked with his boyfriend wanted to meet him. It bubbled inside of him so subtle that he hardly noticed the smile that crept along his face._  
 _He had believed that tonight would be fun too._  


_They arrived at the party and were surprised to know they were the last to arrive. Taeyong had to wait until practice ended before he could be picked up. Practice normally ended around 7:45 and he needed time to shower, get dress and look as presentable as he could. Keven had given him those fifteen minutes before 8:00 before he’d have the car parked outside the school gates. He ran and still made it to the car at 8:03._   
_Liz and Jeff had made an assortment of casseroles. Apparently, the theme of the night was casseroles because they were one for nearly every type of food Taeyong could think of (chicken, turkey, ham, fruit, vegetables, chicken and vegetables, etc.). Kevin hadn’t gotten that memo. (inside joke with all the office). Taeyong had only smiled when he received a plateful of each. “Thank you,”_   
_“Such a cutie you got here Kevin. So, you guys met at school?” one of the other office people had asked. Taeyong had his mouthful, and he looked up at Kevin. Kevin sipped coolly from a glass of wine._   
_“Yes. I was actually a TA in one of Taeyong’s classes.” He feigned embarrassment while the room was filled with rousing laughter. Some slanderous whistles and other crude comments were thrown around the room. Taeyong couldn’t swallow his bite of turkey casserole. His throat felt so dry and his skin felt so hot._

_How could he just say it like that? As if he were bragging? Now these people think we’re some porno fantasy come to life-_   
_“Forbidden romance in the classroom.” Someone had said and Taeyong coughed and tried to wave away the comments. Kevin had laughed by his side. His skin flamed up in mortification. He couldn’t look up from his plate. These people thought that they had done inappropriate things in dark empty classrooms. They thought Taeyong was a silly student who had fallen for the hot TA_

_But they aren’t wrong._   
_“It honestly wasn’t that sexy,” Kevin said, and his hand had found Taeyong’s wait. It cupped it and held it steady. For a moment he was grateful for the touch it reminded him that he wasn’t alone. His boyfriend was there with him this sea of hetro hyaenas._   


_The night wore down and the talk diverted from their relationship and onto other more fascinating things like work. Kevin was the ring leader of all the conversations and Jeff was constantly making lame office related jokes ‘I hadn’t gotten the memo’ was repeated so many times that night. Taeyong was sure that when he slept he’d hear Jeff’s mid-western accented voice say, ‘I didn’t get the memo’ and that thought haunted him._   
_Taeyong found his bones grow wary as the hours dwindled and night sky got darker. He had been dancing for at least eight hours before Kevin had picked him up. His mind felt stuffed with casseroles and water cooler talk. His eyes felt so heavy and he knew he couldn’t sleep even when he got to his dorm. He had so much readings to do along with the responses and of course he had an 8am the next morning too._   
_He felt his eyes glaze over away from the people and onto the wallpaper. It was a deep gray with white stitching swirled in minimal designs. Nothing extraordinary but his eyes traced the pattern slowly. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself awake._   
_“Taeyong, love is you tired?” Kevin’s voice came to him and dragged him out of his lull. He would’ve answered but then he felt blunt finger tips dig into his waist. It was Kevin’s hand. The hand that had been there earlier. The hand that had felt like a beacon of safety. Now, it pushed into his pelvis with the intent to bruise. Taeyong’s face pinched with pain, his mouth trembled as he tried to make words._

_He’d been bad. He shouldn’t have looked so tired. This was supposed to fun. Tonight, was supposed to be fun. Tonight, was important. Tonight, was important and he couldn’t mess it up._

_Kevin’s voice was so loud in his head. Always so loud._   
_“No, I’m just…you know it was a long day. Sorry-“he apologized and the guilt swam inside him. It drowned him while the hand on his waist kept him down._   
_“Oh, hey Taeyong are you tired?” someone asked who must’ve have overheard them. Taeyong’s eyes widen with fear and he shook his head violently. Kevin’s hand hadn’t moved but he smiled at whoever spoke to them._   
_“He’s had a long day. You know how rigorous dance practice can be right? Besides I’m sure he finds all this office talk boring. Isn’t that right love?” Kevin asked and Taeyong wanted to say no, he wanted to make the word have sound outside of his own mouth. But the fingers in his waist were so hard, he felt his skin ache under them. He shook his head._   
_“Right, how could we possibly entertain a dancer? All we talk about are memos and Jeff’s messy office.” Someone said, and the room laughed. Kevin laughed too but the hand hadn’t moved away._   
_“He’ll probably get this when he’s a wee big older. You know when he settles down and gets a office job himself.” One of the girls in the room with a accent said. Taeyong’s eyes found her and she smiled in that kind way that said, ‘oh kids, can’t take them anywhere’. He wanted to scream._   
_“No, no, none of that for my Taeyong. He’s meant to be on stage. Right love?” Kevin pulled him close and pressed a kiss to his temple. Taeyong shook in his hold. He knew he shouldn’t have been so happy, but it came to him so hard. It hit him and left him nearly in tears._   
_“Right,” he said softly, and his mouth graced the room with a pretty smile._   
_Kevin knew him. Kevin knew him so well. Kevin loved him._   
_That’s what he told himself when later that night he looked at himself in the full body mirror in his dorm. There were four bruises around his left side, right above his pelvis. Each of them in the shape of familiar fingers. All colored a dull purple over his creamy skin._

_He knew him. He knew him so well. Taeyong loved him._

* * *

 

                 He never understood it. Not, the time when the semester had just begun, and he was in line in the coffee shop. It had been weeks since the breakup. He had cried until he no longer had tears (he learned how much it hurt to cry with no tears to fall). There had been some shuffle in the line and someone’s hand had pressed the small of his back. He had felt his entire body spasm out of line as if the single touch had pierced through his skin like a knife. He had remembered when Kevin’s hand had taken that spot as its home not so long ago. But, when Doyoung had rubbed at it later that night when he found himself crying again after weeks it didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt the first time Yuta touched him there and held him close. Why, why did it hurt now when he was under the scrutinizing gaze of these boys? None of it made sense but the ache was stale like a bruise that had nearly faded away but had been accidentally touched. The pain all the same dull and barely there but his mind loved to play Russian roulette with memories. Sometimes he wasn’t lucky enough to get a blank.  
                _Its alright, its just Yuta…  
_                 He reminded himself and that soothed him enough to not violently peel himself away from his friend’s touch. A gentle touch. He could feel the warmth of his palm on his waist. It was a nice touch, yet he wanted no needed to move.

“p-Please tell me you guys have organic flour” the words felt like plastic out of his mouth but the movement of his lips and tongue were enough to wake up the rest of his body. A lot like when you’re under sleep paralysis and it took a violent jerk of your leg or head to break the spell. (three, Youngho had remembered his name and it shouldn’t had made him as happy as it did. But there it was that small bubble of happiness that floated between the time he walked away from Yuta’s side and to Jaehyun with the bowl and mixer). He didn’t look back to see the way Yuta had stared at him. He couldn’t look at those mildly hurt eyes again.

* * *

 

                 Yuta wasn’t the bad guy. Taeyong liked his touch. He wanted more often than he would ever like to admit. The bad guy of course was the one behind the memories. Memories that came to him in the strangest moments and lingered there just to remind him. Remind him of what he was not so long ago. No, matter how much he may have changed between the night before and this morning he was still Lee Taeyong.  _What did that mean?  
_                 Taeyong didn’t have an answer now. No, not right now when he was covered in flour and shrieked. Yes, shrieked at the top of the lungs as he felt batter splat across his face.  
                “Jaehyun!” he cried out as the thick batter gooped and glopped down his cheek and onto his neck. It was so cold and he could feel the stickiness already seep into his skin cells. His assailant cackled and scurried away. He had a handful of runny batter in one hand and dry flour in the other he was ready to go in for the kill.  
                Then he heard Yuta’s laughter and he couldn’t help himself when he turned and stared at him. Similarly, Yuta’s face was white with flour but his smile was even whiter and brighter. He laughed so much that sound no longer could come out. Taeyong shouldn’t had been caught up in while in a food fight but it was so easy. All of it was so easy when he let himself just experience it.  
                Another splat of batter came his way and this time it was Youngho’s hand that clapped down on his back and he heard the squish between his shirt the batter. It made him cringe but then Youngho laughed and he had to just swivel around and throw both the batter and flour at him. Taeyong laughed in his face and ran. He laughed at the giant with such malicious glee. How could that be? When just twenty minutes ago he couldn’t bear to be under his gaze for longer than a couple of seconds.  
                _Oh no, he’s gonna get me-_

                Taeyong ran to Yuta and clung onto him. His dirty hands covered his ruined shirt with more prints of the mess they’d made. His fingers dug into his shoulder blades he wouldn’t dare let go. See, he wanted to touch him still. His face was buried in the crook of Yuta’s dusty shoulder. He wanted to touch him like this. This. He didn’t know what this meant but he knew he wanted it. He wanted it to be free.

                Free of preconceived prejudices. Free of pain. Free of the past. All they had was the future and now between them. Their touches shouldn’t hurt. They didn’t hurt. Taeyong lifted his head and looked up Yuta. Yuta still had that smile. The smile that stretched across his tiny face so beautifully. Full of teeth, full of warmth, full happiness. Taeyong’s nose touched Yuta’s both covered in flour.

               “You still owe me some pancakes babe.” He said and Taeyong laughed. Thrill danced down his spine and he his fingers bit into Yuta's shoulder.   
                How did this mess begin anyway? Taeyong wasn’t sure really one moment he had been stirring the batter in the bowl and then next Yuta’s finger was in it trying to get a lick. Taeyong had protested frist and then Youngho, Jaehyun but Yuta had flicked the batter their way. “Shut up I’m just testing it.” He had said but it was considered the first shot fired in this kitchen.  
                Taeyong had been the one to take the spoon and rub it across Yuta’s cheek. The kitchen had gone silent. Yuta had made a squawkish sound before his hand dove into the bowl of mix and he let it pour into his cupped hand. He pulled his hand out and flung it, Taeyong had half the mind to move out the way. He had squeaked and Jaehyun and chortled while Youngho yelled.  
                Jaehyun was the one who took the flour as a weapon and began to throw fistfuls at everyone. Youngho got floured in the face and then with his monstrous long arms claimed the blow to throw at Yuta. Yuta ran and threw whatever batter he had at the giant. Taeyong laughed and laughed and laughed.  
                He got floured, battered and so much more. But he laughed.  
                “Jeez, I can’t believe you started a food fight.” Yuta had said when they had run out of things to fling at each other. Taeyong couldn’t blieve it either. He hadn’t even thought about the possibility of getting in trouble. Only, how badly he wanted the silence in the kitchen to die. To die at the hand of laughter.  
                “Clean this up.” Youngho said as he trudged around the kitchen. Jaehyun had collapsed over the counter and tried to subdue his giggles. Youngho had laughed. He laughed so loud and his entire face had scrunched up so wonderfully. His voice wasn’t so deep when it laughed. It was a laugh of a boy. Just a boy.  
                They were all just boys.  
                Taeyong smiled and asked “I can come back after this right? I still gotta make you guys those panckes.” Yuta pulled him by the waist his lips met the side of his cheek. He probably tasted like flour and batter but Taeyong turned and smiled at his friend. A small sort of smile that made home of his mouth. A smile that wouldn’t fade so easily because he knew in this messy kitchen it was okay to smile. It was okay to laugh, scream and make a mess like silly college boys.  
                “Yeah. Next time though no food fight. Just food please,” Youngho said and Taeyong grinned even wider. He pressed that smile right against Yuta’s. Because it was nice. Because it was free. Because he could and Yuta kissed smiles right back.  
                Was this what it meant? Was he just a boy? Maybe and that was more than enough for him. He wasn’t hookup. He wasn’t a sexy romance inspired porno. He wasn’t the boy who got held by the waist and kept his mouth shut. He was the boy who kissed other boys in the middle of destroyed kitchen. He was the boy who braved a storm for sex. He was the boy survived bruises that were bone deep. He was a boy with so many kisses to give. A boy with an essay on Austen’s Sense and Sensibility due Monday. He was a boy who had friends waiting for him at home. He was a boy who was happy.  
  
**Ch.9 END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you understand what I'm trying to do here. I don't want to like give a big explanation because the chapter should do that you know? But if you do have questions please let me know. Please comment and leave kudos I need that sweet validation :,)


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